Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search
by Moogle
Summary: Minako is the only single member of the Inner Senshi, and it's starting to make her... just a bit off. Join Aino Minako in her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend! Cowritten with SuperKate.
1. Prologue - Campaign Commences

--------  
Prologue  
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It was an average day in the tranquil city of Tokyo. The   
sun was shining brightly, as it did every summer, and there was hardly   
a cloud in the sky. And those clouds that did dare mar the beauty  
of the July sky were promptly ignored by all the inhabitants of the  
city. After all, it was summer, the golden time of the year when   
students did not have to attend classes, baseball stadiums were crowded  
to capacity, and the beaches were covered with fully and half-clothed  
bodies, hoping desperately to turn that just-right shade of golden  
bronze.  
  
The Juuban shopping district was no exception to the rule. The  
warm sun beat down on the high-rise building and glimmered yellow  
through windowpanes, causing diamonds to sparkle in their golden   
settings and elegant dresses to appear worthy of a queen. Streets were   
subject to bumper-to-bumper traffic, cars zooming from place to place,  
rushing to either find a parking spot or to get out of their spot so  
someone else could complete their shopping. Sidewalks were crowded with  
people, windowshoppers and otherwise. Everyone was so focused on their  
goal, whether it be to get away from the hub-bub or to find that perfect  
blouse, that they didn't notice a certain blonde girl creeping, slowly,  
through the throng.  
  
She was relatively short, only perhaps five foot one, but she  
seemed to have an air of self-assured certainty about her. Long  
golden hair fell about her shoulders and down her front, ending well  
past her slender waist. A large bow tied back a portion of her flowing  
hair -- a bow that was usually bright red but was now, for some odd  
reason, brown. Baby blue eyes peered through a magnifying glass and  
out at the world, analyzing every passer-by with a careful scrutiny,  
certain that no detail escaped her. A brown trenchcoat, complete with  
a tie around the waist and large, round buttons, hung limply around  
her figure. It was probably about three sizes too big.  
  
Behind the girl was a cat. He was a white cat, rather petite  
as toms go, with bright, shining blue eyes and stark white fur. He   
almost looked as though he had been dropped in a vat of bleach. A   
golden crescent moon was tattooed upon his forehead, glinting in the  
bright summer sun. He walked silently, whiskers straight, head held   
high, but he seemed rather...annoyed. If a cat can seem annoyed.  
  
When they stopped in front of a bench, for reasons that he did  
not know and did not ask, the cat sat down on his haunches and sighed.  
It was a miserable, long sigh. "Minako-chan," he groaned, staring up   
at the blonde with tired eyes, "we have been wandering the streets for   
three hours. I've had enough."  
  
The girl flipped a strand of long hair. A smug smirk crossed her  
face. "You were the one who insisted on coming along, Artemis," she   
reminded him matter-of-factly, resting her hands on her rounded hips.  
"'I'm not letting you act out this ridiclous plan on your own,' you   
said. 'You're only going to get yourself into trouble,' you said." She  
shrugged. "You practically BEGGED to come along!"  
  
Artemis blinked, and his jaw fell open. "Na-nani desu ka?" he   
gaped, shock crossing his little cat face. "I BEGGED? Minako-chan, you  
all but dragged my by the tail on this ludricrous search of yours!"   
He stood up, tail whipping from side to side, and turned around. "I'm  
going home, with or without you!"  
  
She wrinkled her nose and harumphed. "You just do that," she   
snapped back at him, turning away. "But don't expect ME to be the one  
to buy you cat food when you run out."  
  
The cat frowned. "Now, Minako..."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"But there's only one can left!"  
  
"I hope you like begging Luna to share."  
  
"This is insanity!"  
  
Minako stopped sulking and spun to face Artemis. She narrowed   
her eyes to slits and stared at him intensely, trying to work her   
mouth to form words.  
  
"Insanity?" she finally managed. "What do you know about   
insanity? Insanity is the fact that I, a young, attractive female,   
cannot attract the attentions of any sort of decent male. Insanity is   
the fact that Usagi, the most immature and child-like of all of us --   
don't you even try and deny it, Mister! I know you and Luna make   
comments like that when you think none of the rest of us are   
listening!" She sighed, shaking her head. "Insanity is Usagi, the   
immature one, finding a sophisticated boyfriend whom she JUST SO   
HAPPENED to be destined to fall in love with."  
  
By this point, Artemis was forced to contend with the large   
sweatdrop on the back of his head. He knew well that the only reason   
people were not staring at Minako was that in Tokyo, where weird was   
the   
norm, and nobody ever cares to stare at the norm.  
  
Minako, however, was still ranting.  
  
"Insanity is Ami, who barely saw Urawa for two years, suddenly   
stopping by his place and coming back with a big, goofy grin on her   
face! Insanity is the fact that I, the one who is Ai no Senshi, have   
not been on more than one date in my entire life!" Her fists clenched  
as her sides. "Insanity is the fact that the Love Goddess -- that's   
me! -- has never actually been in love!"   
  
She was now nearly hysterical, her breathing ragged and blue   
eyes tear-rimmed, but, of course, she was still not generating stares.   
Her entire tirade went entirely unnoticed, which, considering the fact   
she was talking to a white cat, said a lot about the denizens of Tokyo.   
  
"Well you know what?" she continued, more tears filling her   
eyes as she did so. "It ends now! No longer will I sit and wait, while  
others around me do nothing and find their happiness. For today,   
today I launch my epic quest! Today begins the journey... The journey   
of Aino Minako and her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend!"  
  
Minako struck a determined pose. If anyone had been looking her  
direction, they would have noticed that the post was strikingly   
similiar to Sailor V's famous pre-battle pose. But no one noticed   
whatsoever. Somewhere down the street a light changed colors, the   
resulting honking of horns somehow adding to the insanity of the   
entire scene.  
  
The white cat let out a long sigh, hanging his head. He was   
almost speechless. Almost.  
  
"Oh, boy." 


	2. Mission I - Dogwalking

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (kateb@moonromance.com)  
========  
  
Per normal, as a work of fiction based in a universe created by another   
person, the authors do not claim any material herein beyond the plot and   
any created minor characters. Please don't sue us, we have a Someday to   
make it to.  
  
Since you're all big kids who clicked on this fic on your own, I'm sure   
you can also handle the material discussed herein. PG would be the equivalent   
rating in the capitalist society known as Hollywood. *thinks, a little bit   
later* Okay, so maybe that's more like PG-13.  
  
***  
  
Parks in Juuban are typically rather peaceful, especially on days when   
there are no youma to be seen for a thousand miles and dimensions. This particular  
park was not an exception to that, with several sunbathers laying across the   
grass, a few people biking and rollerblading down the path, some others walking   
dogs, and... guys.  
  
The emphasis is particular on guys, because at that precise time, said   
group of guys was being monitored by one of the sunbathers, who just so happened   
to be blonde and also happened to have a white cat sitting at her side. Were anyone   
looking at her, they might have seen her eyebrow twitching at a frightening pace.   
But then again, were anyone looking at her, the eyebrow would have probably not   
been twitching in the first place.  
  
More than likely, any girl in this one's place would have had a problem with   
twitching eyebrows, as well. For although this girl was clad in the most revealing   
outfit she could ever possibly find without breaking laws, she was alone, except for   
the cat. Despite the fact that she showed more leg than most females have at all,   
despite the fact that her halter top revealed (what her girly magazines told her was)  
the perfect stomach, and despite the fact that the top left very little to the   
imagination in terms of what was beneath, she was not being flocked to.  
  
About a hundred feet away were the girls who were walking dogs. This girl   
knew that they had nothing on her... except for the fact that all six of the cute   
guys she had been discreetly following all day were around talking to them instead   
of her.  
  
She let out a sigh as the six guys followed the three girls with dogs off   
down the path. It was a long sigh, that she had let out time and time again over   
the past two years. A sigh that was hard to ignore if you were the girl's white cat,   
especially when such sighs usually led to arguments.   
  
Then, suddenly, a light went off over her head.  
  
At that precise moment, the cat tried to start talking, but was silenced   
before he even could form words. The girl lifted him up, gleefully smiling as she   
pulled the cat up to her face.  
  
"That's it! Aino Minako is going into the business of walking dogs!"   
  
For Artemis, the response was already mechanic.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission I: Dogwalking  
  
***  
  
Elsewhere in the city of Tokyo, things were shaping up to be a normal   
Monday afternoon. The sun was shining, warm and bright, just warm enough to make   
those who did not happen to be sunbathing care to seek shelter inside familiar   
air-conditioned locales. Which, in the case of the four girls sipping at   
fruit-flavored slushies, happened to be the Crown Fruit Parlor.  
  
In particular, one of the girls - a small, slender blonde with her hair   
balled in twin 'odongos' with long, flowing pigtails at the end - glanced about   
the group a few times,as though she was confused. She bit her lower lip, blinked   
bright blue eyes, then furrowed her brow. "Ne, ne, minna-chan!" she requested of   
the others, causing them to glance up from the 'Teen Pop' magazine they were   
collectively flipping throgh. "Where's Minako-chan?"  
  
The brunette frowned noticeably as she leaned back in her seat. "I called   
her house to invite her out," Makoto sighed, shrugging her shoulders as she did   
so, "but there was no answer." She took a long swig of her strawberry smoothie.   
"I don't know where she could be."  
  
Ami chimed in. "She hasn't been out with us since before I went to   
Urawa-kun's. I remember, because school was out, and - "  
  
"Yare yare..." grumbled the raven-haired Shinto priestess. Then, a good-natured   
teasing smile crossed her face as she winked. "Ne, Ami-chan... you really must have   
gotten a lot from him if you're STILL talking about it..."  
  
The blue-haired girl blushed completely red, lowering her head to study the   
floor and her shifting feet. To her credit, she tried to stutter out a response. "Uh,   
well, we... uh, that is, we, uh..."  
  
Rei's evil grin widened. "So, was he... g- HEY!"  
  
The world may never know if Ami was going to be able to form a coherent sentence   
in response to the question Rei was about to ask, because at that moment, Makoto planted   
her elbow into Rei's side.  
  
Ami looked up long enough to nod thanks to the brunette, but paused when she saw   
the look in Makoto's eyes. Well, she thought with a sigh, at least she'd escape   
humiliation in front of the others. With that she resumed her quiet ponderance of the   
nature of linoleum floor tiles.  
  
Tsukino Usagi, who had been eagerly awaiting details from Ami, quickly shifted   
her focus back to the previous subject, pounding her fist on the table as she wrinkled   
her nose. "Minna, I'm serious!" she snapped sternly, her blue eyes lowering to a glare   
as she spoke. "Minako-chan has been acting weird, and we all know it! She never goes   
out with the group on Friday nights, and..."  
  
Rei glanced dubiously at her best friend. "Usagi-chan, who exactly is in our   
'group' on Friday nights?" she questioned, desperately trying to avoid sounding   
patronizing - not that Usagi would have noticed if she had.  
  
"Ara, there's Mamo-chan and I," began the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo,   
counting on her fingers as she spoke, "and Yuuchirou and Rei-chan..." She frowned,   
glancing at the ceiling to concentrate, "and then Shinozuki and Mako-chan, and Motoki   
with Reika..." She looked over at the genius across the table, who was still blushing.   
"And then there's Ami-chan, who almost always stays in and calls Urawa-kun on Fr..."   
She trailed off, realization dawning slowly across her face.  
  
The brunette nodded slowly, also understanding. "Now I see it, too," she   
breathed, a small, almost sad smile crossing her face.  
  
Usagi frowned, looking across to Makoto. "But, ne, why would Minako be upset   
that we never invite Urawa to come out with us?"  
  
The room shook from the collective facevault, although all of the smoothies   
survived intact.  
  
"Usagi no baka!" shot Rei after a brief moment, sitting up and glowering at   
the blonde. "Minako is lonely! Minako doesn't have a guy to be out with!" Incomprehension   
mixed with demure innocence washed across the lithe girl's face, and the fiery priestess   
found herself resisting the urge to throttle her friend. "Minako. Wants. A. Boyfriend!"  
  
The blonde blinked. Twice.  
  
Her friends stared at her expectantly, hoping that she would pick up on the   
point that they had been trying to make... Ami glanced at her watch - for the past five   
minutes.  
  
"Oh. Right." Usagi looked around, then her eyes blazed defiantly. "Well, all I   
have to say is, that she'd better not think of trying to steal my Mamo-chan!"  
  
Rei sighed heavily. Then, she mused, 'I hope Minako-chan can find a boyfriend   
on her own... I'm afraid of what THIS bunch might find for her...'  
  
***  
  
Typically, Minako had a fairly round head on her shoulders. Well, okay, so maybe   
she only had a round head on her shoulders when it didn't come to love, dogs, life in   
general, and any kind of thinking on days that end in 'y'. Regardless, she was not   
picking up on the possible reasons why no one was letting her walk their dog, and was   
as a result becoming quite frustrated with herself and life in general.  
  
Perhaps, if she had taken the time to consider, she would have realized that   
she probably did not come across as the most trustworthy girl, as she was still wearing   
the ultra-skimpy sunbather attire. It also might have occurred to her that maybe the   
people who said that they didn't have dogs, really didn't have dogs, and that   
screaming and yelling at them and threatening to barge into their house was probably   
not the best of ideas.  
  
However, this was not to be. For Minako, no matter how much she yelled at her   
friends about it, and no matter how much she may have disliked stereotypes, was certainly   
a stereotypical blonde. Perhaps even moreso than a stereotypical blonde, because her chosen  
hairstyle meant that she had enough hair for about five blondes.  
  
While this may have been a detriment to the blonde's success in her quest (either   
to find a dog to walk, or to find a boyfriend,) it was certainly no detriment to her   
resolve. Of course, to Minako, it was not being oblivious to reality, it was being THAT   
dedicated to finding a boyfriend.   
  
To that end, she was presently leaning up against the side of a building, stooped   
over a bit with her hands on her knees, to catch her breath. She hadn't really MEANT to   
make them threaten to call the police on her, of course, but that was how it happened anyway.   
Either way, Minako made the mental note to avoid that entire block in any future trips   
to look for dogs to walk.  
  
Fortunately, her house was on the other side of town, as either by intentional   
design or complete accident, Minako had ended up farther away from her house as her reactions   
to the houses without need of a dogwalker became more extreme.  
  
"That," she huffed, "did not go very well."  
  
Artemis peeked his head out of Minako's bag. "Maybe it would have gone better if -"  
  
"Shut up! I don't need any advice from cats about dogs, and I CERTAINLY don't need   
advice about getting guys from a male... cat."  
  
The white cat put a pained look on his face. "You cut me deep, Aino. Real deep."  
  
The blonde grinned. "Deeper than any knife, baka." Then she stuffed his head back   
into the bag and zipped it mostly closed. Just enough, in fact, that he could not stick his   
head through and mock her plight.  
  
A plight it was indeed, though no one besides Minako realized it. This, she knew, was   
due to the fact that they all had boyfriends already. For a brief second she thought of Ami,   
and of her blue-haired friend's two-year relationship through the distance with Urawa. She   
smirked, because, as the Senshi of Love, she knew what had gone on there. But, she couldn't   
help but feel a twinge of envy, either. Envy, because deep down, she wished... she wished   
she could have a boyfriend with whom she shared a mutual, deep love, that she could   
do that with.  
  
All of which made her quest that much more urgent. Because Minako was well aware of   
the fact that every second that passed potentially meant that another guy - maybe even the   
only one she was meant for - was either taken or dead or suffering from amnesia or something   
equally grim. Logic had long passed from Minako; she was now driven by what anyone else in   
the world would see as pure insanity.  
  
But no, she thought to herself as she blinked and got back on track, she wasn't   
driven by insanity. She was driven by her calling for true love.  
  
Engrossed in her quest, Minako never even noticed that she had somehow - but not on   
purpose, oh no, of course it wasn't on purpose - dropped the bag that contained Artemis.  
  
He was probably better off on his own for a while, anyway.  
  
***  
  
It was a much more frazzled Minako, still without and not missing Artemis, who   
staggered around the corner to the street where she made her residence a couple of hours   
later. In that time she had walked most of Tokyo, looking for dogwalkers, looking for people  
who needed dogs walked, anything. But in the entire time she hadn't found a single one of either.   
  
It was almost as if there was a sort of reverse magnetic effect around Minako, she   
decided, one that made sure that dogs would stay away from her since she was on a mission   
to find dogs that were in need of walking. She was sure that it was Fate testing her - that,   
or laughing at her. Perhaps some of both.  
  
She scanned up and down the street, looking for doghouses, "Beware of Dog" signs,   
anything that might represent a clue that there was a dog on her very own block. She realized   
that, although this should have been the first place she looked, it was, in fact,  
the very last. With that realization she hoped that she would end up saving the best for last.  
  
The blonde was completely ready to get started on the next phase of her mission...   
except for the fact that she was wearing next to nothing, and it was starting to get   
cold outside. Luckily, she realized, she was near home, and so with a slight alteration   
of course she made her way to her house, where her parents were (quite fortunately) not   
home. Not that the chewing-out they would have given her would have deterred her from her   
plan of action, of course, but it would have been a hindrance she did not need or want to deal with.  
  
In entering her house, selecting a new outfit, changing into it, and fixing her   
hair back to the way it should be, she thought that she must have broken a record for   
speed with respect to a female changing outfits. This, of course, due to the urgency of her   
mission, she decided.  
  
An hour later, she emerged back onto the sidewalk, wearing a shirt that was a bit   
more modest, although no less tight when it came down to it. Instead of the incredibly   
short shorts she was previously wearing, she was now in a pair of jeans, which, of   
course, showed off her hips. She rationalized that she was in fact better off than   
before, because now she knew that she was showing off herself without looking like   
she was trying to show off.  
  
Or so she told herself.  
  
She scanned the street again, and immediately decided that, without a doubt,   
there was some higher power who was presently laughing at her. For as soon as she   
found herself on the sidewalk again, there walked a little kid with two dogs on leashes,  
right down her very block.  
  
The Senshi of Love started towards the kid, who was perhaps all of nine years   
old, if even that much. She didn't really know why she was walking towards the kid at   
first, or what she was expecting to do, but she began figuring that out as she moved   
towards him at a  
brisk pace.  
  
Whatever happened, she needed those dogs. Needed them, because otherwise she   
might never achieve true happiness.  
  
Problem: Kid was walking in the opposite direction.  
Problem: Kid was speeding up upon seeing crazed blonde heading towards him.  
Problem: Kid was far too young for Minako to apply her charms.  
Problem: Kid was female, anyway.  
Problem: Kid would have to be bribed; Minako had no money.  
  
Having isolated her difficulties, she solved those she could, by speeding up   
once more and ending up along side of the girl.  
  
"Hi, there!" she cheerily exclaimed, trying to appear as though she wasn't insane.  
  
Maybe she wasn't doing such a bad job, because the girl stopped to regard her   
curiously. "Hello," the girl replied politely, nodding her head.  
  
Minako beamed. "Those are two nice-looking dogs."  
  
The younger girl blinked. "Thanks."  
  
Suddenly the blonde was not so friendly. "Look, girlie, I've had about enough of   
your crap, so let's cut to the chase. Whose dogs are those?"  
  
"Um, they're the nice old lady's who lives right over-"  
  
"I said I've had enough of your crap!" snapped Minako, an action that startled   
the poor little girl who was suffering from an awful case of wrong-place, wrong-time.   
"Now look at me, missy, I'm only going to ask you this one more time - what would it   
take you to give me those leashes and walk the dogs for you?"  
  
There are probably a thousand reasons why the little girl could have run screaming   
away from the blonde who had been seized by insanity. However, none of them occurred to   
the little girl at that moment, because her eyes were caught on something in particular. The  
girl was staring at the big red bow in Minako's hair.  
  
Seeing the girl staring, Minako continued rambling. "If you want money, don't   
think I'll be holding out when it comes to money. I need to walk dogs, do you understand?   
NEED. So I'll give you something that you want - anything! Just let me walk the dogs..."   
By the end, the blonde had tears streaming down her cheeks, but the girl was still fixed upon the bow.  
  
"Give me that pretty red bow in your hair."  
  
"WHAT?!?!"  
  
It should be noted that it was more the shock of the girl wanting merely   
Minako's bow than Minako not wanting to give up her bow, that caused the exclamation.  
  
"Your bow is really pretty, so I'll let you walk the dogs if you give it to me   
and promise that you'll return them to the nice old lady," the girl explained.  
  
Naturally, Minako could hardly believe her luck. She was fully ready to part   
with a significant amount of yen, certainly more than the girl could comprehend.   
Instead, all the blonde would have to give up would be her red bow. Her red bow,   
that had served her faithfully through thick and thin, through rain and shine, through   
good times and bad times. Her red bow that carried with it so many sentimental   
memories that it could truly never be replaced. Indeed, it was never even a contest...  
  
"Okay, okay, deal," replied Minako frantically, reaching up her hands to   
undo the bow, as though the girl were going to run away if she didn't do it quick   
enough. "Here's your bow, enjoy, have a nice life, hand over the dogs, please?"  
  
The younger girl handed over the dog leashes then took the bow and   
disappeared around the corner.  
  
It was then that the blonde first took a look at the dogs she had taken   
custody of, and immediately realized she should have done so sooner. For Minako   
held the leashes to two dogs that easily weighed a hundred and twenty-five pounds each.  
  
She grasped the leashes tentatively at first, trying not to set the dogs   
into a barking rage. "Heh, um, nice doggies?" she offered, unsure what else to   
say. Maybe she was succeeding, she thought, because the dogs were not offering   
any resistance. "Well, uh, let's  
be on our merry way, shall we?"  
  
The long-haired blonde, her hair even longer without the bow holding   
some of it up, actually managed to control the dogs for a few steps. Maybe she   
even would have been able to keep that control for longer, except after those   
few steps, Mr. Murphy waltzed on by with a pair of dogs of his own, both happening   
to have pink bows about their necks as well as very cleanly trimmed coats.  
  
Poor Minako had only a couple of seconds to react after she registered   
the female dogs and that the dogs on the leashes she was holding were starting   
to wag their tails and pant.  
  
As it ended up, the screaming started at the same exact moment the   
barking and howling and chasing started.  
  
Yes, it was definitely good that Artemis was not there for that.  
  
***  
  
Darkness had fallen by the time the blonde made her way back to the   
street she lived on. She was certainly much worse for wear, at least with   
respect to her quest to find a boyfriend as a result of having those dogs   
with her. There were two reasons for this.   
  
One, she had been to what seemed like Hell and back. Her long,   
golden hair now had various bits of garbage strewn through it. The face   
of an idol, the face she took so much pride in, was smudged by dirt and   
old food and more dirt, as well as residue from many more unidentifiable   
substances. None of her clothing escaped unscathed either.  
  
Two, and perhaps more importantly, in the entire time she had been   
gone, she had not seen a single boy her age. Not even one who wasn't all   
that cute. Just none. Minako had thought she would pass a jogging athlete,   
perhaps, maybe some hot guy also happening to be walking a dog... So   
desperate was she that she even would have settled for seeing some geeky kid   
walking out to his mailbox to get the mail.  
  
Alas, this was not to be. The hopelessness of what had just happened to   
Minako, being dragged halfway through Tokyo on a fruitless chase for two female   
dogs, through trashy alleys and under sprinklers and over streets, was almost   
enough for her to lose her resolve  
in her quest.  
  
Almost. Because she knew that she, Aino Minako, was made of tougher   
stuff than that, and she could take such minor setbacks when the end result   
was true love.  
  
Naturally, the irony of the situation was completely lost on the poor   
blonde. Not that she'd have found it funny even if someone clued her in.  
  
"I hate dogs," she said to no one in particular, although she didn't mean   
it. Actually, these two particular dogs, Maxwell and Rembrandt, weren't really   
that bad when they weren't leading her in a wild goose chase across the entirety   
of Tokyo. In fact, she could probably get to like them soon enough, which was good   
because even once the chase was over she still had to make her way BACK to where   
she had started.   
  
Of course, this was still far easier than getting there. No different   
than usual, getting there was not half the fun. It was no freaking fun at all.  
  
One of the dogs, she still couldn't tell them apart yet, stopped and turned  
to stare at her. Then he barked once. The other dog did the same.  
  
Minako blinked. "Alright, can't you just speak English or something? I   
really don't understand Dog Barking," she said sternly.  
  
Maxwell, or maybe it was Rembrandt, turned his head to the side and whined.   
  
Rembrandt, or maybe it was Maxwell, followed suit quickly.  
  
She peered to see what they were looking at, then she finally realized her   
surroundings and blushed. "Um, this is your home, isn't it?" Without noticing where   
she was going she had ended up on her own street again.  
  
Both dogs barked in response. Minako could have sworn that the dogs were   
understanding every single word she said, and were in fact mocking her, but considering   
all that she'd been through that day it makes a bit more sense.  
  
The blonde turned to walk up towards the door - and ran straight into the closed   
gate she had failed to notice before, falling backwards and flailing her arms and hair   
about before landing straight on her rear.  
  
"Don't even start," she scowled at the two dogs before they could even turn to   
look at her with expressions she would have construed as amused. "I meant to do that,"   
she added, although not even she believed that much.  
  
The blonde turned to walk up towards the door, this time taking care to open   
the gate that was in front of her, the two canines trailing along behind her, more   
tranquil than they had been on the entire journey back to the house.  
  
"Hey, neither of you know what this nice old lady's name is, do you?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Silly me. I should have known better." She sighed, then made her way up the   
steps and to the door, ever so softly pressing down the button for the doorbell.  
  
What followed was a not-quite-textbook example of one of Newton's Laws.   
  
The action was that, as soon as Minako's finger left the doorbell, whistles,   
klaxons, alarms, sirens, and horns of all types popped out of various panels in the   
walls of the house. The equal and opposite reaction came in the form of Minako leaping   
through midair to land behind a conveniently placed porch chair and begin shaking in her shoes.  
  
A deadpan voice announced from a previously unseen loudspeaker, "Congratulations   
for being the SECOND visitor today. You will be awarded your prize within three point   
one four one five nine seconds."  
  
Of course, it took Minako longer than the stated amount of time to determine the   
significance of that particular number, so the door to the house swung open while she   
was still trying to react to the fact that she had been scared completely and utterly   
out of her mind.  
  
Curiously enough, both dogs seemed unfazed by all of the ruckus and trotted into   
the house as soon as the path was open to them.  
  
"Oh, Maxwell, Rembrandt, you're home safe! I was starting to get worried about   
you!" Minako heard a voice inside shout. This quickly just devolved into nothing but   
incoherent coos and barks. For a second, Minako almost felt bad about taking so long   
to get the dogs back to the old woman. Almost, that is.  
  
The blonde turned to tiptoe her way off the porch and quietly get home, but   
she was cut off en route by a shrill cry from the woman. "Wait, wait, little girl!   
I still need to pay you for walking my little dogs!" She turned to see a short,   
frail-looking woman, the two dogs frolicking happily about her, and just gaped.   
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to come in for some tea or some cookies?" asked   
the woman, who was clearly not looking at Minako.  
  
"Uh, thanks for the offer, really, but I actually have to be going..."   
stammered the blonde, who at that point decided she had better things to be doing   
than listen to some crazy old woman ramble on and on. Unfortunately, letting this   
one get away was not on the  
agenda of the curious lady.  
  
"Going?" The woman turned again, still addressing Minako yet obviously   
not facing her. "Oh, come on now. I'm sure that whatever you're looking for can't   
possibly be made worse by some nice tea and some warm cookies."  
  
Minako blushed. She felt uncomfortable about telling this old lady that she   
was out searching for a boyfriend, yet before she could stop herself, she had done   
just that. "Ah, thank you, miss, but I really don't think tea and cookies could   
help me find a boyfriend..."  
  
At this, the woman paused for a second, then smiled. "Aha! I knew you   
weren't little Kaoru-chan... what did you do with her, young lady?" The question   
might have sounded like an accusation, except for the warm smile on the older woman's face.  
  
"Heh, um, well, I kind of bribed her with my hair bow to let me have the   
dogs - see, I thought if I was walking around with a couple of dogs, then a cute   
boy might stop and talk to... me..."  
  
She trailed off when the peals of laughter began erupting from the old   
woman. "Oh, my! If that's not the silliest thing I ever heard! Oh, thank you for   
that laugh so much, um, who are you?"  
  
"Aino Minako, miss," the blonde said as she began shifting her feet   
around, very apparently embarrassed that the woman was finding so much amusement   
in her planning.  
  
"Aino Minako... such a lovely name. Can I call you Minako-chan?" Without   
waiting to see if Minako responded - the old lady was looking the wrong way   
anyway - she continued, "Are you sure you don't want to come inside for some   
tea and some cookies? It's just that I get so lonely sometimes, the only person   
who visits is my grandson, lovely boy that he is, and another nice boy who   
stopped by today..."  
  
Though she was engaged in the most insane scheme that she had ever cooked   
up, on the inside, Minako was still Minako, after all, and she could not help but   
feel sorry for someone who was older than her yet also far more lonely. Beyond   
that, in the back of her mind she remained aware that maybe, just maybe, these   
'boys' the old woman was talking about were not made up and one of them might be   
boyfriend material.  
  
Putting on her brightest smile, which she was fast realizing was probably   
a gesture lost on this poor soul, she replied, "Sure, miss! I'd love to!"   
  
***  
  
Aside from the fact that she was inside some old lady's house with not   
even a single member of the male gender around, Minako actually wasn't too   
miserable about being dragged along to drink tea and eat cookies with a lonely   
old lady. This was helped greatly by the tea being herbal, which calmed her   
down, and also that the cookies were really, really good. After all, she decided,   
could anyone in their right mind turn down tea and cookies?  
  
"Oh, it is so nice of you to come and talk with me, Minako-chan,"   
the woman - Minako still hadn't learned her name - was saying in a passionate   
voice. "I have just been so alone here since my husband passed away a year ago."  
  
"I'm sorry," Minako whispered, because she wasn't sure what else to say.  
  
The woman smiled. "Don't be. I was blessed to have him for as long as   
I did, to have him at all, really. He wouldn't have wanted me to be sad."  
  
In her sudden desire to make the old lady less lonely, a couple of things   
had failed to occur to Minako. For one, she never wondered why the old lady   
suddenly changed when talking about more serious things. And two, she never   
wondered how a woman who seemed to be blind could heat tea and bake. Yet instead   
all the blonde wanted was to hear more of the woman talking about her   
husband - maybe then, she thought, she could hear more about what she   
wanted the perfect boyfriend to be like.  
  
"How did you meet him?"  
  
"Actually," the woman replied matter-of-factly, "he lived in your house   
on this very street."  
  
"What?!" the blonde exclaimed, incredulous.  
  
The old lady chuckled. "It was after the Second World War, and the   
Americans and others had their military forces in our country. Well, my   
husband was one of them, but when his enlistment period expired he chose to   
stay living here, and he ended up living right across the street, where you live now."  
  
"Wait, so he lived across the street? How did you actually meet him?"   
Minako asked, as she picked up her teacup to take a sip out of it.  
  
"Oh!" Another chuckle. "He came to me. I was walking down the street   
with the family dog, and --"  
  
Minako facevaulted straight onto the floor, adding tea stains to the   
already disheveled appearance of her shirt.  
  
"What's wrong, Minako-chan? Did something happen?"  
  
Of course, Minako could have told the woman about the events of the   
day. At least she could have told enough to make the woman understand why she   
reacted the way she did to the mentioning of walking dogs. But that would have   
required tact, something that Minako was still lacking on that day. Instead,   
she muttered something incoherent.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing," snapped the blonde, although she immediately regretted doing so.   
"Um. Well, it is kind of getting late so I should be going home. My parents are   
probably getting worried and I bet my cat is, too."  
  
"Oh. Are you sure you don't want to stay? My grandson is supposed to be   
here in about ten minutes. He's such a nice boy."  
  
Minako flashed a phony smile. "I'm sure that he is, Miss. Some other time,   
though, I really do have to go." She stood up and meekly brushed herself off, then   
started for the door.  
  
The old woman seemed to sense her doing this, and moved towards the door   
as well to see her off. For some reason Minako did not know, the old lady was   
smiling. "Well, okay. But do be sure to stop by when you can, ne Minako-chan?"  
  
The blonde smiled again, genuinely this time. "Sure thing," she replied   
as she headed out the door.  
  
Finally out of the clutches of the seemingly omnipresent Murphy, Minako   
quickly jaywalked across her street, made it into her house, and dashed straight   
up to her room.  
  
Some celestial being must have been using Minako as a source of amusement   
that day, for no sooner than her front door had closed, did an athletic young man   
about her age come walking down her street. This fellow, wearing navy-colored   
warm-up pants and jacket and carrying a volleyball under one of his arms, walked   
along the sidewalk until turning to enter the very house Minako had just left.   
He was surprised to see the old woman waiting on the porch for him.  
  
"Hi, Grandma!" he exclaimed, waving at her.  
  
"Oh, you should have been here a couple of minutes ago, Asai-kun. There was   
the nicest young lady here, and I know how you're looking for a girlfriend since   
the last one dumped you..."  
  
"Sure there was, Grandma. Sure there was. You'll have to introduce me   
some other time," he said as he chuckled. Then he gave the woman a big hug and   
walked into the house.  
  
***  
  
Finally, Minako was in the safety of her own house. Her room, in particular,   
a place she could count on to not have any crazy dogs, a place where she wouldn't   
worry about looking for males...  
  
"Glad to see you finally made it home."  
  
...except for that one.  
  
"And just where were you all day, Mister?" she demanded.  
  
The cat sweatdropped. "You mean AFTER you dropped me in the middle of the   
street? I actually was quite fine. I visited Luna and a couple of others and then   
came back here, obviously long before  
you managed to make it home."  
  
"Heh heh heh... uh, did I really drop you in the middle of the street?"  
  
"The sidewalk, actually. But yes, you dropped me."  
  
"Er... oops? Heh heh... uh..."  
  
Artemis opened his mouth to further rebuke his charge, when the phone rang.  
  
Minako immediately dashed to answer the phone. "Moshi moshi?"  
  
"Minako-chan? You're finally home!" exclaimed the female voice on the other end.  
  
"Hi, Mako-chan! Sorry if you've been calling all day. I was on a mission."  
  
"Mission?" inquired the brunette. "What sort of mission?"  
  
The blonde took a deep breath, then proceeded to regale Makoto with a   
summary of the events of her day, including the inspiration to walk dogs, chasing   
after people with dogs, giving away her bow, and being led around Tokyo by two   
insane dogs.  
  
Sweatdrops grew on the back of Makoto's head as she heard Minako continue   
rambling on with her story at an Usagi-like pace. "You just... GAVE up your bow?"   
she asked incredulously.  
  
"Well, you know what they say. Seize the sunrise!" exclaimed Minako defiantly.  
  
Makoto merely sweatdropped some more. "I think you mean seize the day, Minako-chan."  
  
"Whatever," snapped the blonde, before realizing she was being   
completely rude. "Sorry for being inconsiderate just now. Um, did you call for   
something in particular?"  
  
"Oh! Well, we all figured out today that since you probably don't hang   
out with us much anymore because we all have boyfriends, that we'd have a girls   
only day. It's going to be at Rei-chan's. I'm going to cook, and we're all going   
to be there. No boys allowed! Come on, what do you say?"  
  
While the blonde never would have admitted on her own that she was bothered   
by her friends all having boyfriends, she was perfectly fine agreeing when someone   
else made the observation. Beyond that, it made her happy to know that they were   
willing to put aside their boyfriends to stay friends. Deep down she knew their   
friendship ran stronger, considering they'd all died together at least once in   
the last couple of years and all, but the reassurance made her feel better.  
  
"I would love to! Just let me know more, 'kay?" she replied, beaming   
broadly the entire time.  
  
"Of course we will. So, see you then! Ja!"  
  
Minako placed the phone back on the receiver, her mood greatly improved   
from what it was before she had gotten the call from Makoto. Instead of sulking,   
she actually skipped across the room to flick on her stereo. The speakers   
immediately began blaring Sisqo's "The Thong Song" at a level too loud for the   
poor cat.  
  
"DO YOU THINK YOU COULD TURN THAT DOWN A BIT?!" he shouted at the top of his tiny lungs.  
  
The blonde never heard him. No, she had already been struck by her next   
bit of inspiration, and there was no stopping her once she got started. She spun,   
defiantly pointing a finger at the mirror in her room.  
  
"That's it!" she proclaimed. "It's time for Aino Minako to go clubbin'!"  
  
Artemis facevaulted straight to the floor.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
E-mailing us will greatly increase the chances that we get off of our respective   
tails and work on the fic some more, so please go ahead and do that. Please? Next   
time, our main maiden Minako hits the clubs as her amazingly fabulous search   
for a boyfriend continues!  
  
-End 


	3. Mission II - Clubbin'

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (kateb@moonromance.com)  
========  
  
As always with creations like ours, this story is based on a universe that we did not create, and we do   
not claim that we own it in the least. However, a few minor characters and the plot itself does belong to   
us, so we'd appreciate that being left alone. And if you ARE the owner of this universe we have borrowed,   
please don't sue us; the dream house we're planning for is going to cost a chunk of the money we don't yet have.  
  
If you've clicked to read this second chapter, we'll assume that you're adult enough to handle the   
material within. Nonetheless, we will rate it a nice PG-13, just in case you think your head may explode   
upon reading anything over a G rating.  
  
***  
  
"A-ano, Minako-chan," whined a particularly fuzzy white cat that fateful Saturday afternoon from   
his cat-carrier, peeking his head out of the lid as he glanced around the store, "I appreciate your   
effort, but WHY do we have to spend so long in the lingerie section?"  
  
His blonde companion, the amazingly fabulous Aino Minako, rolled her eyes and ignored him. It   
had been a long two days since she had decided it was time for her to take affirmative action and make   
her love life turn out like a romance novel...instead of like the Stephen King made-for-TV movie it   
resembled. Of course, her first mission had gone terribly, terribly wrong, what with the demonic dogs,   
the kind-hearted blind lady who did nothing more than freak her out a little, and the loss of her   
favorite red bow to the bratty little girl in the street...   
  
Minako smoothed her new banana-yellow bow and straightened her blouse. It didn't matter now,   
no sirree.  
  
"We are still in this section," she scolded the cat sternly, pushing him back into his basket   
before she got kicked out of the department store, "because I need to find the perfect undergarments to   
wear with my kickin' new outfit." She eyed a few various thongs and frowned. "You can't just wear a pair   
of Hanes Her Way briefs to a dance club and expect to get away with it, you know."  
  
Trying not to twitch, Artemis weaseled his head out of the basket a second time to glower up at   
her with bright blue eyes. "Thank you for that unnecessary clarification," he grumbled, cringing as he   
watched a middle-aged and EXTREMELY obese woman pick out a garter belt and matching... He didn't even   
want to KNOW what the name of that garment was. "And WHEN are we going home?"  
  
With a low growl, the young woman froze and rested her hands on her hips, glaring at the small   
animal. "Now YOU listen to me," she told him in the most motherly tone she could muster...which happened   
to be a rather loud tone. "You would NOT be attracted to Luna if she was wearing just ANY bra, and   
thusly, no guy will be content with me until I have found the PERFECT undergarment myself."  
  
The cat, noticing that a small crowd was starting to gather on the outskirts of the women's   
underwear department, grimaced. "Mina-chan," he hissed in the softest voice possible, "you're drawing   
attention to yourself again..."  
  
"And ANOTHER thing!" she continued, beginning one of her patented tirades right there, in the   
middle of the department store. "I don't CARE if you think my search for a boyfriend is futile, even   
pointless. *I* think that it is the only way that I will become content and happy, because God knows   
that ALL my friends have boyfriends and God knows that *I* certainly have exactly none!"  
  
She clutched a hand to her chest, staring at the ceiling of the shop with starry eyes as she let   
out the most pitiful sigh. "What world is a world where a young woman cannot have a boyfriend?" she   
questioned, a single tear coursing down her cheek as she spoke. "It is a world of despair and I, Aino   
Minako, will NOT be the cause of that eternal despair! Ai no megami, go forth!"  
  
As Minako pointed a finger to the sky in a dramatic end-pose, the crowd she had attracted applauded   
lightly. Murmurs of "that was beautiful" mixed with "what is wrong with her?" echoed through the store as   
she slowly realized exactly what she had done.  
  
And, that realized, she facevaulted.  
  
Artemis sighed.   
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission II: Clubbin'  
  
***  
  
Tokyo. It had and had always been a peaceful place, if you didn't count the occasional youma or   
small gang of evil circus performers here and there. It was a city of sunshine and moonlight, of happiness   
and contentment, and, of course, it was the city that a group of pretty sailor-suited heroines called the   
Sailor Senshi called home.   
  
On this particular content, happy, peaceful, and moonlit Saturday night in Tokyo, most all the pretty   
sailor-suited senshi were at home, either spending a quiet evening with family or a...less quiet...evening   
with their lovers, warm in the embraces of their loved ones. Most, but not all those senshi, though...   
Because one of them had other plans.  
  
Adjusting her brand-new, neon-green bow, Aino Minako appraised herself in her bedroom's full-length   
mirror. After the incident at the department store, she had cut her shopping spree short and settled on the   
bra and panties she already owned; after all, she didn't want people to ask her exactly WHY she was ranting   
and raving in the middle of the underwear department, now did she?   
  
Over those self-same undergarments, she wore probably one of the naughtiest outfits she owned and,   
in her ever-so-humble opinion, she looked positively scandalous. A bright green mini-skirt, as tight as   
tight could be, sat low on her hips and covered exactly what needed to be covered...and not an inch more.   
A good three inches above that mini-skirt was the end of her short, tight, and VERY backless white top,   
which was held on by only two wire-thin strips of lime-green fabric. The whole ensemble was completed by a   
pair of white, high-heeled sandals that showed off -- what else? -- her lime-green toenails.  
  
She gave herself the final once-over and smiled softly before working on applying the last touch:   
a hint of pink lipstick to her soft, blush-colored lips. So intent was she on making sure she looked JUST   
RIGHT, she failed to notice the visitor enter her bedroom...  
  
Well, until he spoke and caused her to scribble lipstick all across her chin, of course.  
  
"Did you just step out of a dirty manga or WHAT?" scolded Artemis, disdainful of his caretaker's   
outfit. For years, he had considered Minako like a second daughter -- perhaps technically a first daughter,   
for she was quite a few years older than Diana -- and a best friend, and there was something about seeing   
her dressed so distastefully that caused his tail to fluff up and his fur to stand on end. "You look terrible."  
  
Wiping the sticky makeup from her face, the blonde turned to glower at her pet. "You're a cat," she   
reminded him coolly, annoyed with his sudden fatherly attitude. "What would you know about human beauty?"  
  
He would have responded to her question had she not rolled her eyes and sighed. "I know, I know,   
I know," she continued, shaking her head as she glanced at the animal out of the corner of her eye. "I'm   
really a beautiful person and I have to remember that real beauty is within your liver, ne?"  
  
For a moment, the cat grimaced at her mistake, and then nodded. "Hai," he agreed earnestly. "That   
is where your true beauty is, Minako, which is why I STRONGLY suggest that -- "  
  
"Excepting the fact that guys don't LOOK at your liver before they decide to date you," she retorted   
knowingly, shaking a finger in his direction. "They look at your front, your behind, and SOMETIMES the color   
of your hair. They judge the car by its hood!"  
  
Artemis fought off a sweatdrop. "Book by its cover, Minako-chan," he corrected with a groan. Well, he  
thought to himself, at least she came close that time.  
  
She rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse off her bed. "I don't CARE which it is," she returned,   
slinging the strap over her shoulder and checking her hair in the mirror one last time. "I am STILL going   
clubbing and I am STILL going to pick up a guy! Ja!"  
  
Before the cat could recover in the least, she had bolted out of the room and down the stairs like a   
bolt of greased lightening.  
  
Sighing, Artemis shook his head and moaned. "Where did I go wrong?"  
  
***  
  
Now, deciding which dance club to go to, at least for Aino Minako, had been a challenge worthy of a   
medal. For eight hours, she had poured over the phone book, calling all over the city of Tokyo to find what   
she termed "the ultimate club." Unfortunately for Minako, most clubs failed to keep tabs of how many hot guys   
strode through their doors, and so her questions fell on mostly deaf ears. It had been dumb luck that a very   
young woman had answered the phone at the last club she had called and had said, "Well, all the guys are pretty   
hot, I'd have to say." The blonde had squealed in delight and hung up the phone...   
  
Before getting reamed by her mother for not studying for her English test that was scheduled for the   
next morning.  
  
It was nearly nine p.m. when Aino Minako, having checked her make-up nine times during the cab ride   
over, ended up in front of the enormous Zen'ya Disco; Zen'ya, of course, meaning "evening time." It was a   
respectable-looking disco, full of bright lights, meandering young men and woman, and waitresses clad in less   
clothing than Minako.   
  
The blonde skimmed the crowd, discreetly peering out into the sea of bodies for any acceptable-looking   
young man. She found very few fitting that description; most were with females, and those who weren't looked a  
bit greasy, as though they hadn't showered since their last visit to the club, which had been circa 1992.   
Sighing, she allowed herself to drift out of the throng of dancers and toward the bar.  
  
"Tough night on the floor?" questioned the barkeep after he had poured her a lemonade, and she nodded   
as she hoisted herself atop one of the vinyl-covered stools. He smiled with an understanding commiseration.   
"Don't worry about it, chica," he soothed her with a coy wink. "It'll all look up."  
  
Letting out a longer, more arduous sigh than before, the young blonde cupped her chin in a hand and   
shook her head. "That's what YOU think, Mister," she returned, defeated as she sipped her drink through a   
straw. "All the guys here are either creeps or taken. What's the point in living, hmm?"  
  
The bartender frowned and eyed her curiously. "You're depressed because you're in a dance club filled   
with creeps and taken men?" he asked, as though he had heard her wrong. "What do you think you'd find in any   
other club, hmm? A whole lump of sexy young men without girlfriends?"  
  
Minako's response was inevitable. "Akiraka na. It's not as though every attractive man on Earth is   
completely and utterly taken!"  
  
"No, but nice, well-meaning bishounen generally don't show up at dance clubs without their   
girlfriend." He chewed on his lower lip as SOON as he saw her suddenly defeated expression. "And it certainly   
seems like what you're craving is one uber-macho bishounen."  
  
Glowering, the blonde slammed her glass down on the bar and raised her face to the sky. "I will   
NOT give up on my clubbing mission!" she professed to the bright neon lights that sparkled above the bar.   
"I will leave no club unturned, no dance floor undanced, until I have found the perfect man!"  
  
The barkeep frowned. "'Undanced?'" he questioned, a bit confused.  
  
But it was too late. Minako had already jetted out the door and onto the street.  
  
***  
  
Within the quieter parts of Tokyo, Juuban in particular, four young women who usually found themselves  
being the companions of a certain blonde heroine, were instead gathered in their usual hangout spot - the  
Crown Fruit Parlor - minus said blonde. While normally on a Saturday night they would have been together  
with their respective boyfriends, on this particular evening they were gathered again to discuss the oddity  
that had been their friend Minako of late.  
  
"Wait a minute, Mako-chan, did you just say that Minako-chan is going to CLUBS?" asked the other blonde  
in the group - none other than Tsukino Usagi - almost in disbelief.  
  
"Yep, that's exactly it. She called me this afternoon, and said, 'Mako-chan, Aino Minako is going to hit  
every last dance club in the city and find a boyfriend if it kills me!' I think she was serious," Makoto said  
to the group with a smirk, although she would have denied it if anyone called her on it.  
  
"Of course she was serious," added their Shinto companion with the same knowing smirk. "Have we ever  
known Minako-chan to not be serious when she talks about doing crazy things?"  
  
The blue-haired girl sitting across from Rei nodded thoughtfully. "But, Rei-chan, I think you know better  
than any of us what people can do when they're desperate. Or did you forget Mamoru-san?"  
  
Rei had the decency to blush, at least, when Usagi scowled and glared when the memory hit her.  
  
"What I'm trying to say," continued Ami, "is that Minako-chan is the only single one of us now. And it's  
not like there are any enemies to keep us all occupied. I don't think any of us can know what she feels like,  
because never before have all but one of us had boyfriends. So..."  
  
Usagi cut her off with a sudden exclamation of "Wait a minute!" All eyes turned to her and she paused for  
a second before continuing in the same tone, "Are you saying that Minako-chan is going to try to steal one of  
our boyfriends?"  
  
Her three friends facevaulted so hard it was a wonder that the table did not snap on impact.  
  
"NO!" they simultaneously cried, exasperated.  
  
"Minako-chan is looking for a boyfriend who is SINGLE," Ami informed the blonde with a fake smile.  
  
"She just doesn't want to be alone anymore, Usagi-chan," Makoto reminded her kindly. "I think you might  
do the same if you were in her shoes."  
  
Suddenly Usagi seemed to realize what was going on, a very rare thing for her. Finally having a clue, her  
overflowing kindness took over. "What can we do about it? I would hate for Minako-chan to be sad if we can help  
her."  
  
A lightbulb flicked on inside of Rei's head and she grinned. "That's easy," she told the group. "We find  
a boyfriend for her."  
  
The others groaned at first, before she started giving them her plan, but as she explained more they  
started to like it. Even though it would require a bit of sacrifice from each of them, they all knew it would  
be worth it.   
  
***  
  
It was about three hours later that Aino Minako began to regret her vow to leave "no dance floor   
undanced." While her friends were unbeknownst to her, potentially making progress towards finding her a  
boyfriend, she was having no luck whatsoever.  
  
"Aijin Odori," she gasped, nearly doubled over on the sidewalk as she gazed up at the yellow-lighted   
sign above her head. She didn't need a watch to tell her that it was nearly midnight; 'Lover's Dances,' as   
the name of the club translated into, was hopping with people, the bass so loud that it rattled the blonde's   
wisdom teeth in the back of her mouth.   
  
A small smirk crossed her face as she straightened up and checked her hair in the rearview mirror of   
a Volkswagen. She had done it, and finally. She was on the final of the dance clubs in the Tokyo phone book...   
Well, final if you go backwards, but allow us to overlook this small detail. Whatever the case, she felt   
proud of herself as she started toward the door, her head held high and her lipstick perfectly in place.   
After all, if she hadn't found love at the previous  
seventy-eight clubs, maybe this final one wou --   
  
"I'm sorry," barked a gruff voice, snapping her back to reality, "but your kind are not invited into   
a well-respected establishment such as the Aijin Odori."  
  
The blonde blinked twice before lowering her bright blue eyes at the bouncer. He was about two feet   
taller than she, as well as three times heavier, and Minako was willing to bet that most of his girth was   
muscle mass, NOT fat. Still, she glowered at him like there was no tomorrow, never pausing to think that,   
if she started a fistfight with such a bouncer, there would BE no tomorrow.  
  
"MY kind?" she questioned, confused, annoyed, and offended all at once. "You have some ban on hot   
teenage girls or something?"  
  
Her adversary was not amused. "No," he responded coolly, his dark eyes peering over darker sunglasses   
at her. "We have a ban against baishunfu."  
  
There was silence for a moment, as though the entire night had frozen. No sound echoed from within   
the stone walls of the dance club, no car horns sounded in the distance, no human being dared to tread on   
the concrete sidewalks. In essence, it was the calm before the storm. If what was to follow could be called   
a storm.  
  
"BAISHUNFU?!" roared Minako suddenly, her eyes glaring directly into the face of the bouncer as   
she seized him by his suit coat. "You think I'm some sort of common-place, street-walking WHORE?"  
  
Now, if Minako had, perhaps, taken a moment to glance at herself, she would have understood the   
bouncer's very innocent mistake. Three hours of club-hopping had left her short-short skirt disheveled   
and a bit dirty, and her pantyhose were now full of runs. Her tiny halter top had slipped a little TOO untied,   
for it showed more of her chest than she probably would have liked to show, and her long hair was   
knotted and messy. And, to add to the mess, she had reapplied her makeup so many times that it was caked   
horribly to her face. She looked... Well, like a baishunfu, to be perfectly honest.  
  
Of course, in Minako's MIND, she looked to be a perfectly respectable teenage girl...   
Maybe a LITTLE bedraggled, but not too shabby. But this is Minako's mind that we are talking about, a   
terrifying and dangerous place not to be reckoned with.  
  
The bouncer did not back down. "I'm sorry, Miss," he addressed her stonily,  
as though he was talking to a small child who was refusing to listen to all reason,  
"but a policy is a policy. Now, if you would like to further press the matter,   
I would be happy to see to it that you are taken to the police station down   
the street."  
  
For a moment, the blonde considered this, but she then realized that the  
Tokyo police would probably make a similar mistake, a risk she was unwilling   
to take. Sighing, she shook her head in dismay. "I'm leaving," she finally   
told him, loosing her grip and starting back down the sidewalk. "But DAMNED if   
I ever come back to this place."  
  
Her adversary, the muscled bouncer, shrugged. "What a loony girl," he   
said to no one in particular, watching as the young woman retreated into   
the haze of midnight smoke and smog that was Tokyo.  
  
***  
  
Somewhere else, and no where in particular, a young man strode in through  
the front door and shed his blazer onto the hallway floor.   
  
"You wouldn't believe the kind of girls that were at this club, Grandma,"  
he called to the little old lady that he knew would be waiting up for him   
in the kitchen. The air smelled of freshly brewed tea and newly-baked cookies.   
"They were all either taken or rather desperate!"  
  
Chuckling, the little old lady listened as her grandson strode into her   
kitchen and began to help himself to cookies and tea. "Which club did you   
go to again, Asai-kun?" she questioned with a small smile.   
  
He sighed and shook his head of dark hair. "That horrible Aijin Odori   
place on Fifth and Main," he responded with a snarl, sipping the green tea his   
grandmother had laid out for him. "It's such an absolute dump."  
  
"Well, there's always that girl I spoke to the other day, the one with   
the -- "  
  
"No more talk of the girl with the dogs, Grandmother," sighed Asai with  
a frown, glancing annoyedly at the older woman. "That's all you've talked   
about for three or four days. The girl with the dogs and how nice she is. Get   
off it."  
  
The elderly one frowned and nodded. "Alright, Asai," she conceded with   
a soft sigh. "But I still contend she was a good girl for you."  
  
The boy rolled his eyes. There couldn't have really been a girl with the  
dogs... could there?  
  
***  
  
"And THEN, after ALL that, they thought I was a baishunfu!" roared   
Minako as she violently tossed her miniskirt at the wall. "Of ALL the people in   
Tokyo, he thought that someone as PATHETICALLY single as I was a BAISHUNFU."  
  
Artemis sighed. He had tried to be logical at the outset, but to   
absolutely no avail; it seemed as though all his arguments had fallen on a pair  
of deaf ears. And now, what was he hearing? Complaints. Complaints that   
could have been avoided if not for --  
  
"And that is why I will never go clubbing AGAIN!" Minako, pulling on her   
pajama top, laid back on the bed and switched on her television set. "In   
fact, I think I will just swear off men and -- "  
  
She froze, staring at the TV set. The show coming on was a ridiculous   
program called "Blind Date," where the participants were set up on a blind   
date and then decided if they liked each other or not. A small smile crept across  
the blonde's face as she watched the introduction to the show.  
  
The cat nearly facevaulted. "No, Minako!" he snapped at her, diving to  
turn off the television before the damage was done. "Don't even THINK it."  
  
But it was too late. Her mind had been made up before the cat even realized  
what was happened.  
  
"I, Aino Minako, am going to be the next contestant on 'Blind Date!'" she  
squealed right before scampering off to find the nearest telephone and call   
the Tokyo TV station.  
  
Artemis sighed and shook his head.   
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
We like e-mail, and we'll write if we get it. *hint hint* Not that we won't write anyway,  
but we might write FASTER. Or something like that.  
  
Next time, Minako goes on television's "Blind Date." A disaster or not?   
You decide (well, no, we decide) as her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend continues!  
  
-End 


	4. Mission III - TV's Blind Date

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (kateb@moonromance.com)  
========  
  
We claim ownership over nothing here. But please don't steal our  
ideas, you have no idea how long it took to become so insane to  
think of ideas like this!  
  
As always, this is probably like a PG-13. Just to be safe.  
  
Well-watched otaku will recognize the borrowed character in this chapter.  
Cheers to you if you can spot the reference.  
  
Oh yeah, and this chapter is kinda long. Oops? ^^;  
  
***  
  
Artemis had known his charge for years now, so he was fairly sure  
that he had a good judge of when Minako's crazy schemes would actually  
be acted upon, and when they would just blow up in her face, fizzle out  
without ever coming to fruition, or otherwise fail. And using this sixth  
sense of sorts, he was absolutely positive that there was no way the tape  
Minako sent in to the producers of Blind Date would get her put on the show.  
  
***  
  
PRODUCTION ROOM OF TV'S BLIND DATE  
TWO DAYS EARLIER  
  
The stacks of papers and video tapes were all piled high on the single table  
that was in the middle of the room. Each of the casting directors was tired  
of being there, tired of looking at tapes and applications, and just generally  
tired.  
  
"Okay, everyone, this is the last one we're looking at today," said the lead  
director as he picked up a tape and an application form. "This next one is Aino  
Minako. She's 16, and she says that she wants to be an idol and still loves  
Sailor V."  
  
A few of them groaned, a few of them sighed, and a few of them stared blankly  
at the screen. Maybe, just maybe, this Aino Minako would be the one that would  
let them stop this insanity, they all were thinking.  
  
The director popped Minako's tape into the projector and sat back to see  
what would come of this one.  
  
Onto the screen popped a smiling Minako, dressed in her uniform from the  
volleyball team and holding onto a volleyball to match.  
  
"Hi!" she said cheerfully to the camera. "I'm Aino Minako, age 16! I'm a 10th year  
student at Juuban High School right in Juuban! I like to sing and dance and - oh! Play  
volleyball too!" Minako tossed the ball up like she was going to spike it.  
  
"No, wait, Minako-chan, the camera-" a voice pleaded from off-screen, but it was   
too late already.  
  
The blonde spiked the ball and it flew straight at the camera, slamming into it   
right at the lens. The tripod fell back and clattered against the ground, but the camera   
continued to run, showing the volleyball laying in front of it on the floor and Minako's  
long legs in the background.  
  
"Oh, Ami-chan, are you okay?" She called out as she ran towards her friend to see  
if Ami was hurt.  
  
"No, wait, Minako-chan," Ami started, "the volleyball-"  
  
But she didn't have enough time to finish, as her blonde friend slipped on the   
volleyball and landed straight on her butt right in front of the fallen camera.  
  
In the production room, all of the directors were laughing harder than they had   
laughed in weeks, maybe even months. How could they not have such an obvious disaster   
area on the show? The ratings would be great!  
  
"Aino Minako," said the lead director as he caught his breath, "welcome to TV's   
Blind Date!"  
  
***  
  
THE AINO HOUSEHOLD  
PRESENT TIME  
  
"No," Artemis said aloud, "there's no way this would ever work." He was sure of it,  
as sure as he'd ever been of anything in his entire life. Minako was just too... well,   
Minako, to ever be on that show.  
  
And right as he finished that thought, the front door of the house kicked open and   
there stood Minako, proudly holding a letter in her right hand, with what looked like joyous  
tears streaming down both of her cheeks.  
  
"YES!" she screamed. "AINO MINAKO IS APPEARING ON TV'S BLIND DATE IN THREE DAYS!"  
  
She dashed straight up the steps to her room, where she shut the door and started   
getting herself ready for her first TV appearance since her Sailor V days.  
  
In the meantime, Artemis sat by the front door, staring outside in plain shock.   
Eventually he recovered.  
  
But only long enough to say, "Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission III: TV's Blind Date  
  
***  
  
COUNTDOWN: T-MINUS TWO DAYS  
  
Knowing better than to try to disrupt Minako's karma in the frantic days leading up  
to her appearance on the game show "TV's Blind Date", her four good friends decided that  
they would just rather celebrate for her by doing what they seemed to be doing a lot of  
late, that being sitting around in the air-conditioned Crown Arcade and having a drink.  
  
"She really is going to be on that stupid show, isn't she?" Rei asked the assembled  
females.  
  
"It sounded like she was serious about it when I talked to her," Makoto put in, as  
she gave her head a shake at all of the disastrous possibilities that could result.  
  
"I'm sure she'll have a lot of fun doing it," Ami said with a chuckle. "It's not  
like she should be able to complain, she comes out of it with a date no matter what."  
  
The blonde among them, epitome of perceptiveness that she was, gasped suddenly and  
called out, "But wait a minute... why would Minako-chan want to get a date from a guy on  
TV?"  
  
As was becoming a trend, the other three fell over straight to the floor with a loud  
crash, although amazingly their drinks did not spill.  
  
"Usagi-chan... think about it," pleaded Rei, though she already knew well it would  
do little good.  
  
"Minako-chan wants a boyfriend," the brunette added, also knowing it was going to be  
futile.  
  
"And if the guy she takes on a date likes her, she'll have a boyfriend," Ami  
continued.  
  
"Oh." Usagi paused and blinked innocently. "But why is she trying to find a date on  
TV if we're finding her a date?"  
  
"Because she doesn't KNOW we're trying to find her a date, remember?" Rei said as  
she gritted her teeth in annoyance.  
  
"And if she finds out then it won't be a surprise."  
  
"So you WON'T tell her, got it?"  
  
"Okay, okay, I've got it... but, you're not going to set her up with my Mamo-chan,  
are you?"  
  
This time the other three fell to the floor so hard it was a wonder that they didn't  
go right through it. Usagi just stared at them and shrugged.  
  
***  
  
Across the street from the whirlwind that was Minako's house, two people sat and  
talked about a similar subject that had caused Minako's fury. One was quite aware of the  
situation Minako was in, and the other was, as always, completely oblivious.  
  
"Can you believe it, Grandma? I'm going to be on TV!" shouted a young man who was as  
excited as one would think before a first appearance on television.  
  
"I am so proud of you, Asai-kun. But what is it you're going to do on TV?" The  
elderly woman knew already, of course, because being a grandmother and blind, she had a  
sense of perception that was envied by all who knew about it (which numbered zero, of  
course, because she also knew how to pretend to be oblivious.)  
  
Not like her grandson could have noticed anyway, of course, as he was far too  
excited. "I get to go on the show with two other guys, and we'll have to try to answer  
questions from a girl, and at the end she picks one of us and we go on a date."  
  
"Hmm... and what if you aren't the one she picks?"  
  
Suddenly Asai's face froze, because he hadn't given that one much thought. "I don't  
know." But, he recovered into a cocky smile quickly. "But it doesn't matter, I'm sure she'll  
pick me!"  
  
"It's good to be so sure of yourself, Asai-kun," said the old woman, her voice  
dripping with sarcasm.  
  
Which, of course, was completely missed by the young man. "I know, isn't it?"  
  
Not that his grandmother could sigh and let on that she knew more than she did. "I  
still wish you'd let me introduce you to this lovely young lady, Asai-kun..."  
  
"Maybe," he replied. "If this TV thing doesn't work out." Asai didn't actually  
believe that the girl with the dogs existed, but it couldn't hurt to hedge his bets a bit.  
  
"She's coming over in a little while, if you want to wait."  
  
"Nah, Grandma, later maybe." He looked around and blushed. "Actually, I need to go  
now, I have to get ready for my big TV appearance!"  
  
The old lady sighed, then nodded her head. "Okay, Asai-kun... if you say so." As  
she waved good-bye to the direction she was fairly sure that her grandson was in, she  
thought to herself, 'Kids these days sure aren't making it easy to be the old matchmaking  
grandmother...' Then she grinned as she remembered the trouble she put her own grandmother  
through, and decided that maybe she didn't have it too tough after all.  
  
***  
  
Not surprisingly, the Aino household was a flurry of activity. This wasn't entirely  
due to Minako's pending appearance on television - well, yes it was. Of course, seeing as  
how she was Minako, there were a lot of things that needed to be done and re-done before she  
could even fully prepare to be on TV. Her hair needed to be washed, straightened, washed  
again, dried, and brushed thoroughly. Then there were her clothes. Every outfit she owned  
had to be washed and dried, because they all had to be perfectly clean for her to choose  
which outfit she would wear on the show. In the same fashion her shoes had to be organized  
so she could see all of them once she picked out the outfit.  
  
On top of all of that, she had previously agreed to go visit the old lady across the  
street today. Looking back on it, she decided that was quite a poor decision to make.  
  
"Then again," she told herself as she ran the hair dryer, "hindsight is always  
blind."  
  
The white cat at her side sighed. "Minako-chan, that's 'hindsight is always 20/20.'"  
  
"That's what I said!" The blonde-haired girl grinned at him and flashed her  
trademark V-sign at Artemis with her free hand.  
  
The cat fell off the bed and landed on the floor.  
  
"What?" Minako blinked innocently as she stared in wonder at the cat.  
  
"Nothing, Minako-chan... it's nothing." Artemis told her with another sigh.  
  
She giggled. "Silly Artemis!" As she shut off the blowdryer she admonished the cat  
with a finger. "Then why make a big deal out of it?"  
  
Rather than risk injury to his body, the moon cat opted to leave Minako to her  
inner blonde. He wandered out of the house, since nobody was really paying attention to him.  
  
Without thinking twice she shrugged and started to brush her hair, letting her mind  
wonder about the kind of guy she might meet and go on a date with from the show.  
  
"I bet that he'll be tall and handsome, and have curly hair that I can run my hands  
through, and eyes I could get lost in..." A dreamy sigh. "A total bishounen... except  
nobody will think he's gay. Or maybe he'll be the strong, silent type! With big, strong  
arms, and solid like a tree trunk, and he can whisk me off of my feet..."  
  
She snapped out of it eventually, once she realized that her mom had popped in and  
out of the room twice with two complete loads of laundry and that her hair probably wasn't  
going to get any better than it was.  
  
Her head strayed to look out the window and she then noticed that the sun was moving  
along in the sky and she had to rush across the street if she was going to keep her promised  
meeting with the loony elderly woman.  
  
With her hair dried and brushed, all she had to do was get dressed. In a way that  
almost pained her because it took away one of her options of something to wear when she went  
on the show, but rather than agonize over it she just picked an outfit quickly, hoping that  
it wouldn't be one she'd want to wear on TV.  
  
The method worked out nicely, as she picked out a nice outfit, but not nearly skimpy  
enough for cameras to shine on her. Of course, it never occurred to her that she was going  
to visit a blind woman who didn't care what she looked like.  
  
Throwing on her shoes, she called back upstairs, "Mom, going across to the old bag's  
place!" And with that she ran outside, not hearing her mom's plea to respect her elders.  
  
The sights were familiar. Car in driveway, tree in front yard, fence, Artemis in  
front of the fence, sidewalk...  
  
"Wait a minute, what are you doing out here?" she demanded suddenly as she realized  
that Artemis didn't belong in the picture.  
  
"I went for a walk," replied the cat nonchalantly as he strolled past her and back  
inside. If she didn't know any better she'd have sworn that there was a smirk on his face,  
but no, she was sure the cat wasn't that diabolical.  
  
Shrugging, she put the thought out of sight and out of mind like only she could, and  
she bounced happily across the street towards the old woman's house.  
  
To her surprise she found the old woman waiting outside already.  
  
"Hi!" Minako called out in her most kawaii, sing-song voice, so the older woman knew  
she was approaching.  
  
"Minako-chan! I am glad that you could make it even though you're going to be on TV  
in a couple of days," replied the grandmother.  
  
"Yeah, well, some things are more important than getting ready for TV," the blonde  
told her with a smile.  
  
The woman smiled back. "You know, I was just outside here talking to the young man  
from a few days ago, and my grandson was here a little earlier..."  
  
"Thanks, but no thanks... Aino Minako is getting the hook-up on TV's Blind Date! No  
female has ever left without getting a boyfriend!"  
  
"If you say so, Minako-chan. Should we go inside?"  
  
Minako nodded, and the old woman led her inside of her house.  
  
Before she knew it, she'd talked away the rest of the day in idle chatter with the  
woman, and it was time for her to head back home to get ready to sleep and have her last  
hectic day before the much-awaited TV appearance.  
  
***  
  
COUNTDOWN: T-MINUS ONE DAY  
  
Early that morning, before most people in Tokyo were even awake, a meeting took  
place in an alley between two conspirators that nobody could bring themselves to suspect.  
  
"Word on the street has it they're looking to find her a boyfriend," said Artemis  
from the shadows.  
  
"Artemis! Stop the cloak and dagger nonsense, nobody will expect us to be here, and  
we don't need to be secretive!" Despite being a cat, Luna managed to strike a pose much like  
a mother putting her hands on her hips to scold a child.  
  
"Right, right, sorry..." A sweatdrop appeared on the back of the white cat's head.  
  
"But yes, they are looking. How did you find out?"  
  
"I've got my sources."  
  
The black cat rolled her eyes and muttered, "Yare yare..."  
  
"What? I'm serious!"  
  
A sigh. "I don't really care how you found out, anyway... are you saying you can  
help?"  
  
"Maybe... who's asking?" A mischievous gleam appeared in Artemis' eyes.  
  
Luna batted at him with a paw. She was getting frustrated at his antics, but then,  
he always was this way. "I am, baka! Now, spit it out."  
  
Artemis grinned, as much as a cat can grin, anyway. He was thoroughly enjoying  
himself at Luna's expense, and that was always good. "Two things I know to be true. One,  
there is no difference between good flam and bad flam." The grin broadened as Luna glared  
daggers at him. "Two, it would benefit them to check across the street from Minako's."  
  
"You mean that old woman Makoto mentioned...?"  
  
"That's the one!" With that the white cat turned to leave.  
  
"Wait a minute, what about her?"  
  
"You'll just have to figure that out on your own, won't you?"  
  
"Urgh!" The black cat felt like punching a wall, she was getting so frustrated.  
Naturally this made Artemis all the more amused. "Fine, then, be that way."  
  
"I will!" Artemis called back with a laugh as he scampered off.  
  
Shaking her head, Luna headed off in the opposite direction.  
  
Next to where they were sitting, a figure that had been previously still sat up  
suddenly and rubbed a hand about his disheveled face. "Oi," he swore to himself, "Zenjirou,  
what did you do to yourself this time? No more sake after shoots, I swear..." And then the   
figure fell down again.  
  
***  
  
A little bit later, though not much later as it was still early in the morning, the  
white cat made his way back to the Aino household, taking the path he'd taken many times  
before as he hopped up the tree and onto the windowsill of Minako's room.  
  
On a normal day, she wouldn't even register his re-entry into the room.  
  
Unfortunately, the day was anything but a normal day, as the next day was the TV  
appearance.  
  
Minako's eyes opened as soon as she heard the sound. Within the blink of an eye she  
sat up and glared over at the clock next to her bed and exploded in a flurry of activity  
much resembling Usagi.  
  
"Oh my God, it's nine in the morning, I've only got twelve hours to do things before  
stores close, and I still have to pick out an outfit, and what if I have to buy shoes? I  
have to call the other girls and have them help, but what if they're not home, and even if  
they are I have to eat three meals too, or else I won't have my energy, and then I might  
pass out on the show, and what if that happens? That would be bad, and..."  
  
She flew about the room as she rambled, not even caring that Artemis was there  
as she changed her clothes and brushed out her hair, ran to the bathroom and brushed her  
teeth.  
  
Artemis could only contain his amusement because he knew that if he didn't, she  
would somehow notice him and smite him out the window. It hadn't happened yet, but that was  
because he was always careful about things.  
  
It wasn't even ten minutes later that she came back into the room, wheezing and  
panting and clutching a portable phone in her hand. She'd finished with herself, ate, and  
called the other four Inner Senshi and told them to come over to help her pick things out.  
  
She looked at him curiously. "If you were going to go through everything you own to  
figure out what you'd wear, how would you do it?"  
  
"Uh, Minako-chan, I don't wear-"  
  
"I guess I could have them wait downstairs and I'll keep coming upstairs and  
changing..." the blonde continued as though he hadn't said anything.  
  
"Minako-chan, I'm not even a girl-"  
  
"How long do you think this'll take? I wonder..."  
  
This time Artemis chose not to even bother responding.  
  
"Hey, are you listening to me?" Minako demanded as she walked towards him and thrust  
a finger in his face. "These are important decisions, you know!"  
  
"Why don't you let the others decide what you should do?" he offered.  
  
A second later, she nodded. "Aha! I'll just let the others decide. I am such a  
genius!" With a grin she winked at her cat so the joke was apparent.  
  
The white cat looked stupified for a brief moment, amazed that Minako was able to  
make a joke correctly, but he recovered and winked back.  
  
As Minako wandered off again, Artemis decided that next time when he was finished  
discussing top secret plans involving his charge, he would just wait outside until he was   
sure that she was awake. Luna had probably not been home for long when the call came to  
Usagi, so whatever the others might do with the information he'd passed on, they probably  
hadn't had time to do anything about it yet.  
  
"Then again," he muttered to himself, "I guess if Minako really is going to change  
so often..."  
  
He shook his head, scolding himself for worrying about something so petty, while at  
the same time still being curious as to what the others were going to be able to do. As he  
spent most of the time with Minako, he was as aware as anyone of how lonely she was. He  
hoped the TV thing would work out, otherwise she'd be crushed.  
  
"What are you staring at?" she asked as she came back in to find the cat looking  
intently at the wall.  
  
"Oh, nothing, just thinking," he said, deadpan.  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Minako sighed and shook her head, causing her hair to bounce back and forth.   
"Artemis, you're such a male."  
  
***  
  
Tap-tap-tap!  
  
From her seat on the steps, Minako heard her front door knocking.  
  
"Come on in!" called out the Senshi of Love cheerfully.  
  
The door opened slowly, revealing her four friends and Luna standing there. She  
blinked at the sight. "Do you guys ever go anywhere without one another?"  
  
The four looked at one another, then shrugged.  
  
"Not really."  
  
Silently, Minako resolved to herself yet again to get a boyfriend, because then she  
would be part of the gang again, and not some second-rate girl who can't even get a  
boyfriend no matter how hard she tries! (In typical Minako style, reality was so far off  
in the distance that it could only barely be seen.)  
  
"We're glad you invited us here, Minako-chan," Usagi declared as the group headed  
inside to take seats in the living room.  
  
"Yeah! We want to help however we can before you go on TV," Makoto added.  
  
"If you don't look good, WE don't look good." Rei nodded for emphasis, then blinked  
as she thought about it, and scowled, daring anyone to challenge her.  
  
Ami didn't, of course. "I'm sure it's exciting to get to be on TV again," she  
offered. "I wish I could be on TV. Not to find a boyfriend of course, but...  
oh, I'm sorry, Minako-chan, I didn't mean to..."  
  
For a brief second, Minako's face looked sad, but she twisted it into a smile for  
the sake of her blue-haired friend. "No, no, it's okay, Ami-chan. That's why I get to be on  
TV in the first place. Isn't it?"  
  
From her perch on Usagi's shoulder, Luna cleared her throat. "So, do you know who  
the three bachelors are going to be beforehand?"  
  
"I don't even get to know their names until afterwards!" The blonde shrugged. "I  
guess that's just in case the contestant knows any of the bachelors."  
  
Usagi's eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe we can watch on TV and talk to you during breaks  
with our comm-"  
  
The white cat striding down the stairs cut her off. "I don't think that will be  
necessary, Usagi. It would defeat the purpose of the 'blind date', after all... wouldn't  
it?"  
  
To herself, Luna noted that Artemis sounded like he knew more than he was letting  
on, although this was probably lost on everyone who didn't meet with him that morning.  
"Yes, that is true, Artemis. I'm sure Minako will make out just fine."  
  
"Making out isn't part of the show, Luna! That's what I'll do on the date after!"  
  
CRASH!  
  
Everyone who wasn't Minako vaulted to the floor.  
  
"Er... what I meant to say was... uh..." She blushed and fiddled with her thumbs as  
she tried to continue.  
  
"Let's just get started with helping Minako-chan pick out her outfit, ne?" The  
suggestion was Ami's, because she though she liked Minako a lot, she didn't feel like  
spending her entire day indulging the love Senshi's insanity.  
  
"Right! Because time is a virtue!" Minako exclaimed, with all confidence that she  
had the correct saying. Her response was six groans. "What? Was it something I said?"  
  
The reply was simultaneous. "Never mind, Minako-chan."  
  
***  
  
Elsewhere in Tokyo, a meeting mandated by the traditions of the TV's Blind Date show  
was taking place between the three males who would be the contestants on the game the next  
day.   
  
Apparently, ever since they had that streaker back in the third episode, the   
producers decided it would be best to meet with the male contestants before each show to   
make sure they understood the rules and the regulations, what was okay to do and what   
wasn't okay to do, and to make sure that they wouldn't try and kill one another on the   
show, like what happened three months ago when they tried to have twins be the female   
contestants and the one guy who didn't get picked flipped out.  
  
Needless to say, the producers didn't try THAT stunt again.  
  
Asai grinned in amusement as he read over some of the stuff in the packet they had  
handed to him when he came. He'd watched the show before, but he never realized that so many  
bloopers could occur.  
  
The two other guys who were going to be on the show with him seemed nice enough. One  
was a bookish type, and he was only on there because his friends bet him that he couldn't  
make it onto the show if he tried. Asai supposed that probably wasn't the best of reasons to  
audition, but as he thought about it, for a hundred-thousand yen he'd sure give it a shot.   
The nerdy guy's name was Tsubasa, and though at first it seemed like he might do something  
outrageous, really he was just there for the same reason as Asai, for a shot at a date with  
a nice girl, and both of them could respect that.  
  
It never occurred to Asai that the girl they would put on might be a complete and  
total bitch, but lucky for him that wasn't going to be a problem.  
  
On the other end of the spectrum was the second guy, who insisted that everyone  
refer to him as "Tama" because he was "too cool" for his real name. From what he said about  
himself, he played football - the weird American version - and he was built like it. The guy  
was tall for someone from Japan, and muscular. He said he was there because he was sure the  
girl would be a cheerleader who would fall into his arms and give him whatever he wanted.  
  
Asai wanted to punch the guy in the face, but then he'd lose his shot at the mystery  
girl, which wouldn't do at all, so he promised himself that he would tolerate the punk.  
  
The producer was saying something to them, so he looked up from the packet and  
paid attention.  
  
"We can't tell you what the actual questions are, because that would ruin the  
surprise, but if you come with me, we'll sit out in the studio how you'll be tomorrow and  
run through a couple of mock questions. Okay?"  
  
The volleyball player and Tsubasa nodded their acquiescence.  
  
"I don't see why we're bothering, it's obvious I'm going to get the girl," Tama  
proclaimed triumphantly.  
  
The others, including the producer, all rolled their eyes at this and said nothing.  
  
"If you'll follow me, then..."  
  
The producer, who still hadn't offered a name for himself, led the three teens  
through the building and towards the studio, which was appropriately enough behind a door  
labeled "BLIND DATE STUDIO". Only a few of the lights were on in the place, but it still  
gave the brown-haired young man a sense of wonder, that he was really on the set of the  
show.  
  
It was familiar and unfamiliar at the same time for Asai. He'd seen the studio lots  
of times on his TV screen, but never up close and personal, with the viewing area being as  
much as his eyes could see. He paused for a moment, taking in the sights of the room.  
  
To the left was where the audience sat. Smaller than he pictured, so he figured that  
they probably added canned laughter and applause on top of the live stuff. Then in front of  
him, a big open space on the floor. The next day, there would be cameras aplenty in that  
space, he knew. And finally, to the right, the set for the show.  
  
Though it wasn't quite the same with the room dimly lit, he could see the chairs  
where the guys would sit, the huge screen between the three of them and the girl, the podium  
where Zenjirou-san would stand and ask all of the questions and make corny jokes. He could  
almost picture the girl who would be sitting on the other side the next day...  
  
Same as before, it was the voice of the producer that brought him out of his  
reverie. "Tama, you will be bachelor number one."  
  
"That's because I'm number one!" Tama replied in what Asai realized was his normal  
arrogant manner.  
  
"Tsubasa will be bachelor number two, and Asai will be bachelor number three. Any  
questions?"  
  
Three heads shook in the negative.  
  
"Cool. Take your places then. I'll pretend to be Zenjirou for the time being," the  
producer instructed. Tama confidently strode to the closest chair to the screen, Tsubasa  
timidly walked towards the one in the middle, and Asai casually strolled to his assigned  
chair.  
  
"Excuse me, Mr. Producer, but I don't think your hair is silly-looking enough for  
you to pretend to be Zenjirou-san," the volleyball player noted as he sat down.  
  
At this the producer laughed, the first time any of them had heard him do so. "Yes,  
yes indeed, Asai!" He laughed some more and gestured like he was clapping Asai on the back  
across the distance. "A sense of humor, I like that, and I think our bachelorette will like  
it as well!"  
  
Asai smiled as he thought to himself, 'This certainly bodes well.'  
  
The producer tossed back his head and began talking in a voice that was obviously a  
mockery of the one that belonged to the goofy, buck-toothed Zenjirou. "Welcome back to TV's   
Blind Date, everyone! Now that we've found out what happened to last week's happy couple,   
let's get on to the best part of the show - where our lovely bachelorette picks one of the   
three bachelors we introduced earlier, to go on a date!" He grinned stupidly and looked to  
where the audience would be to applaud.  
  
Continuing the silliness, the producer moved over to where the female contestant  
sat, threw his voice like a female, and said, "Bachelor number one, if you were to take me  
on a date..."  
  
***  
  
She came down the stairs for the umpteenth time that afternoon like it was a model's  
runway. And at the present she was dressed almost as skimpy as some of those professional  
models would be on the runway, wearing a black t-shirt that said "GIRL" on it in white  
writing that was just a bit too short to cover up the purple booty shorts going with it.  
  
For the umpteenth time that afternoon she looked at her friends with a hopeful  
expression as she asked, "What do you guys think?"  
  
And for the umpteenth time her friends replied, "It's not really good for TV,  
Minako-chan."  
  
For the umpteenth time she sighed and wondered what her friends would know about TV  
outfits as she trudged back up the stairs.  
  
Minako never suspected that they just kept sending her back so they could conspire  
behind her back.  
  
"How are we going to get this old lady's number to call her?" Makoto inquired.  
"Artemis, do you know it?"  
  
"Do I look like I use the phone very often?" the white cat replied sarcastically.  
  
At this, Luna laughed until everyone stared at her and she realized she was the only  
one who was laughing. When she had settled down she cleared her throat as a hint to steer  
the conversation back on topic.  
  
"Perhaps one or two of us should go visit the old woman and explain ourselves,"  
suggested Ami after she had given the matter some thought.  
  
"I'll go!" exclaimed Usagi.  
  
"No!" cried five voices. Then when Usagi looked like she was going to cry, Rei put  
a hand on her shoulder and said, "What we meant, Usagi-chan, is that we will probably do  
this on the weekend, and we know how you like to go out with Mamoru-san on weekends."  
  
The other four sighed in relief, as it was apparent the disaster was averted when  
Usagi nodded and smiled. "Okay! You and Ami-chan will go, then?"  
  
Everyone silenced when they heard one of the stairs creak, and looked over to see  
Minako coming down the stairs again, this time wearing a pair of capri pants with a blue and  
white flower pattern, and a blue and yellow plaid button-down shirt. "What are you guys  
talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, Minako-chan," Makoto said nervously, though Minako didn't notice this.  
  
"Okay," the single one smiled. "So what do you think of this one?"  
  
"I don't really like the colors of that shirt," Ami admitted, truthfully responding  
for once.  
  
"You'd look so cute if you had some purple in those flowers, Minako-chan," the  
Shinto priestess added. "Do you have anything like that?"  
  
Minako's eyes lit up and she beamed brightly at them. "I've got just the thing! I'll  
be right back!" She bounded back up the staircase quickly, as excited as the rest of them  
that things could finally be finished.  
  
The girls huddled their heads together once she was out of sight.  
  
"OK," Makoto summarized, "so Ami-chan and Rei-chan will go visit this old lady and   
find out what she can to do help us set Minako-chan up with some guy."  
  
"I think we've got a plan," Rei said with a lopsided grin.  
  
"Good. We can get started as soon as Minako-chan is off of the show, Rei-chan." The  
raven-haired Senshi nodded her agreement to Ami's plan.  
  
"This is the one, don't you guys think?" Minako squealed as she ran down the steps.  
  
She showed off what she and everyone else hoped would be the final outfit she would  
show them. Like Rei said, purple would indeed look more cute on her, and so she came down  
with a long khaki skirt with white and purple flowers embroidered on the bottom, and a solid  
purple button-down shirt opened to reveal a skin-tight white tank top.  
  
"It's a winner, Minako-chan," Usagi said gleefully, speaking for everyone.  
  
"Great! You're all staying to help me pick out shoes, right?"  
  
Five faces upended and landed on the floor.  
  
"Right?"  
  
***  
  
COUNTDOWN: T-MINUS NINE HOURS  
  
That morning Minako awoke like she had done every other morning, if you discount the  
fact that it was nothing at all like what she had done any previous morning, ever.  
  
Artemis thought about it as he watched Minako rise out of bed right when her alarm  
went off, and he realized that it was directly in between what usually happened, and what  
had happened the day before. Whereas usually she would slam down the snooze button for  
another thirty minutes, and the day before she was completely and totally hyper once she was  
awakened, he watched her as she calmly went about her usual routine, right on the schedule  
she had planned out.  
  
"I've got to be at the studio by three, so they can make sure I look okay and tell  
me the rules and stuff before I go on the air at six," his charge informed him the previous  
night. "So I'm getting up at nine and leaving the house by two."  
  
It was more organized than he had ever seen her, and it made him quite proud to know  
that she had finally listened to all of his advice, despite the fact that it had been about  
a year since she really needed it to fight anything.  
  
Everything she did that morning was methodical, which the cat had to admit to  
himself was the exact opposite of what he was expecting, given the girl's track record. The  
irony was not lost on Artemis, although he was a bit annoyed at the time she chose to  
finally start acting like her position.  
  
Then again, even that bubble was burst once it was about one o'clock and Minako was  
completely ready to go to the studio, but didn't want to leave for another hour. Instead of  
being in her room, they were downstairs on the couch as the blonde girl panicked about what  
might go wrong on the show.  
  
He might not have been disappointed except she was worrying about the silliest  
things.  
  
"What if a camera blows up and the show can't finish?" she asked in a panicked  
voice. "What if the guy that I pick turns out to be some dork?"  
  
"I'm glad to see you're so concerned about others' health, Minako-chan," he noted  
dryly.  
  
"What if the ceiling falls on my head in the middle of the show?" The blonde  
continued as if Artemis hadn't even spoken. "Or what if I accidentally flash the camera, or  
who knows what else?"  
  
"It seems like you're worrying too much about nothing."  
  
"Maybe." She looked over at him and regarded him with a skeptical look. "You know  
what they say, though. Semper fiddles."  
  
The cat shook his head and held back a laugh. "Indeed."  
  
"Are you going to watch the show today, Artemis?"  
  
"Yes, Minako-chan, I'm going to watch it from Usagi-chan's." He replied. "I know I  
don't sound like it sometimes, but I wish you the best in finding a nice boyfriend." To  
himself, he added, 'Because otherwise I'll never hear the end of it...'  
  
Her eyes lit up as she smiled brightly and leaned over to scratch Artemis behind  
the ears. "Thanks, Artemis. That really made my day. And I've still got to go on the  
show!"  
  
"Any time." The cat told her with as much of a sincere look as a cat can mimic.  
  
With that, Minako stood up and smiled wider. "I think I'm going to go to the studio  
now. There's no point in staying here." Seeing Artemis' hurt expression, she hastily added,  
"No offense."  
  
"Okay..." Artemis replied as she turned to head off. "Good luck!"  
  
And with that she was gone to become a TV contestant.  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS EIGHTY-TWO MINUTES  
  
Not for the first time, Minako decided that the woman who had been fussing over her  
hair and her make-up since she had arrived was probably going through a mid-life crisis.  
The blonde could tell that the woman had died her hair, probably to hide some gray, and  
she kept treating Minako like a daughter. Being the Senshi of Love, it was obvious to  
Minako that the woman was lonely, but what could she do?  
  
"Lass, whichever boy ye choose, ye're gonna knock 'is socks right off," the woman,  
Maeve, told her with a smile as she took a brush and yanked through Minako's hair for  
what seemed like the thousandth time in the last hour.  
  
"Thank you, Maeve-san," Minako said timidly, as she was intimidated a bit by the  
Irish woman. When she looked into the huge mirror in front of her that was lined with  
pictures of previous female contestants of the show, and saw that the woman was still  
smiling, she realized that she was just creeped out by the bonny Irish lady.  
  
Though she didn't know it, she wasn't the first.  
  
"Now look this way and let me put some more make-up on ye..."  
  
The soon-to-be contestant zoned out into her own thoughts, not even consciously  
listening to the commands of the woman but obeying them nonetheless.  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS FIFTY-SEVEN MINUTES  
  
Not for the first time, Asai decided that the producer of TV's Blind Date was a  
pretty cool guy. The three male contestants had all been instructed to arrive before four  
in the afternoon through a side entrance, so there was no chance that any of them would run  
into their potential blind date and she into them. Since they knew that if they saw her,  
they would be thrown off the show, not even Tama thought it was worth taking chances.  
  
He was very nervous about being on the show, and he knew that Tsubasa was, too,   
despite the fact that the bookish boy was there as a joke in the first place.  
  
"Bob's your uncle, eh?" The older man asked Tama as the jock shifted uncomfortably   
on the other side of the room.  
  
Tama scowled as he leveled a glare at the producer. "Who the fuck is Bob?" Asai   
frowned at the use of the vulgar phrase.  
  
"He's your uncle," replied the producer without missing a beat. Then he laughed when  
the response he got was a look bordering between confused and enraged. Asai and Tsubasa  
joined in the laughter. Though it did seem to Asai like the nerd was laughing harder, so it  
must have been some joke he did not understand.  
  
After a brief pause, the producer continued, "I hope I don't hear that from you on   
the air. This isn't some American talk show here."  
  
His response, not surprisingly, was a growl from Tama, but a nod accompanied it. The  
producer wasn't worried. Some people just needed frightened into compliance, and it appeared  
Tama was one of them.  
  
"I've go talk to our lovely female contestant now, fellas," the man said as he   
winked so that it appeared it could be directed at any of the three boys. "I'll be back   
before it's time for you to take your places, don't worry!"  
  
"Thanks again, Mr. Producer!" Asai called out as the man walked to leave.  
  
"Any time, my boy. Any time."  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES  
  
Not for the first time, Minako found herself wondering why going on TV required so   
much work. Sure, she didn't expect it to be done in an hour, but three hours was getting   
pretty ridiculous.  
  
"Finished!" Announced Maeve the Make-up Lady.  
  
"It looks great, Maeve-san," Minako told her as she admired her face and hair in   
the mirror. And it was true, but that didn't stop the blonde from letting out a sigh of   
relief that she could finally be away from the crazy woman.  
  
As she watched in the mirror, she noticed the older woman was about to say   
something, but right at that moment, the show's producer walked in.  
  
'Freedom!' shouted Minako inwardly.  
  
"As always, wonderful work, Maeve," the producer proclaimed with a smile as he   
admired the job done to the contestant on his show.  
  
"You are too kind, Jack," replied Maeve with a slight blush.  
  
The Senshi of Love almost had to reach up and hold her head, so loud was her 'love   
sonar' that she had perfected over time going off. After all, she'd been at the whole   
matchmaking thing for quite some time now, so she had lots and lots of practice. And this,   
she decided, was one that was worth pursuing.  
  
The excitable woman hurried out of the room with all of her supplies, though, and   
left Minako alone with the producer and her thoughts that she would have to do something   
about later. After all, no matter how desperate she was to find a boyfriend, she still was   
V-chan, the Ai no Senshi!  
  
"Ready for your big appearance, Minako?" The producer asked, the completely unaware   
look on his face almost making her laugh.  
  
"You bet I am!" she exclaimed as she flashed a V-sign at him. "Finally, in a little   
more than an hour, Aino Minako and her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend will draw   
to a close!"  
  
As he watched the girl go through her spiel, the producer mentally patted himself on  
the back for this choice, because she seemed to have just the right energy to be on the   
show.  
  
"Have you got your three questions memorized in the order you want to ask them?"  
  
"Of course, and they're on a card for Zenjirou-san to make a bad joke about..."  
  
With a laugh the producer took the card and looked over it.  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS TEN MINUTES  
  
Not for the first time, Asai stared at the rapidly gathering audience in awe. When  
he was in the studio the day before, it seemed like there were so few seats. But now that  
they were filling up it was a completely different story entirely.  
  
"Yeah, like having people watching will make me any more nervous than I already am,"  
he muttered to himself. Tsubasa must have heard him, because the other boy nodded.  
  
He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter, because nobody that he knew was  
watching the show, and it wasn't like the girl was ever going to see his performance on  
the show after she picked him. But that wasn't really worth much, because he knew that in  
less than ten minutes, people all around Japan would be tuning in to watch him compete for  
a date with the lovely lady of the week.  
  
A sudden squeal jolted him back to attention as he noticed a mob of people swarm  
around Zenjirou-san as the host of the show walked in.  
  
"Zenjirou-san! Can you get autographs for us?" shouted one.  
  
"I'd love to, but let me get a p-" the host started.  
  
"No, no, Zenjirou-san, we want you to get autographs from Sana-chan and give them to  
us!" another exclaimed.  
  
The buck-toothed game show host gave a sigh as he burst into a melodramatic episode  
that was quite typical for him when cameras were not following him. "Oh, woe is me! Why do  
I always work so hard, only to be outshone by Sana-chan? Will there ever be mobs of cute  
young girls screaming for Zenjirou-san? Will they ever ask for my autograph?"  
  
"I don't think so, if you keep crying while they stand around you," noted the  
producer, who seemed to appear from nowhere wearing a smirk on his face.  
  
"You think so?" the host asked through a glum expression.  
  
His reply was a nod that barely contained the smirk.  
  
"Then, I'll work twice as hard as everyone else, just to win some fans!"  
  
Inwardly the producer sighed. 'The more things change, the more they stay the same.'  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS SIX MINUTES  
  
Not for the first time, Minako stared from behind a curtain at the gathering   
audience and realized that it had been far too long since she had been in front of an   
adoring group of fans.  
  
"Finally, Minako has come back to television!" she muttered to herself.  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS THIRTY-TWO SECONDS  
  
Not for the first time, the producer shouted, "Places, everyone!" and the various  
techies scrambled about to their cameras and sound booths, the audience grew quiet, and  
Zenjirou ran a hand through his hair as he stood up on the host's podium.  
  
***  
  
T-MINUS ZERO SECONDS  
  
Not for the first time, Usagi squealed. "The show's coming on! The show's coming  
on!" she called out to her friends.  
  
Ami, Rei, and Makoto, who were in the kitchen of Usagi's house helping themselves  
to some snacks, came running in right as the theme music to the show kicked in. The  
camera panned across the audience first as the logo for the show displayed on the  
screen, then it disappeared for a second for a shot of the three male contestants.  
  
Ami suddenly gasped as she looked at the one on the right in particular. "Oh my  
God! One of the contestants is Asai!"  
  
***  
  
The entire studio hung in anticipation for Zenjirou to shout what was fast  
becoming a household phrase. "Llllllllladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight's  
episode of TV's Blind Date!"  
  
Screaming and clapping ensued from the enthusiastic audience that seemed to  
consist almost entirely of teenage girls. Not that this was a departure from the  
normal audience of the show.  
  
"Are you ready to meet today's contestants?" continued the host, although he was  
entirely drowned out to the audience in the studio by screaming. Fortunately the sound  
men heard him so they could cue the proper camera cuts. "Right now our female  
contestant is in a sound-proof booth backstage, so there is no chance that she will  
accidentally recognize one of our male contestants!"  
  
More screaming. Nobody even knew why.  
  
Once the crowd had settled down, Zenjirou guffawed for no apparent reason,  
looking more ridiculous than most would because of his dental situation. But of course  
he was oblivious to this, so he plugged on.  
  
Off to the side, a drum roll kicked in. "Our first contestant is Bachelor Number  
One! His name is Tama, he plays the American version of football, and he's looking to  
exploit the beauty of a young girl for his own ends!" Applause and squealing.  
Somewhere, the producer was shaking his head.  
  
The drum was a bit louder when Zenjirou continued, "Our second contestant is  
Bachelor Number Two! His name is Tsubasa, he's got the first one hundred decimal  
places of pi memorized, and he's looking for an intellectual girl who can appreciate  
the ironies of life!" This time there was a brief pause while there was a collective  
blink and shrug from the girls in the audience before the cheering, squealing, and  
clapping ensued.  
  
The studio drummer kicked the volume up another notch, the sign for the host  
to continue on to the last contestant. "And our third contestant is Bachelor Number  
Three! His name is Asai, he plays volleyball at Juuban High School, and he's looking  
to meet the girl of his dreams!"  
  
This time the girls in the audience sighed en masse before they applaused and  
squealed, most likely because they were looking for romantic boyfriends themselves,  
and naturally the idea of a girl of someone's dreams would appeal to such a person.  
  
"And now, our female contestant will come on stage! We can't have her tell you  
anything about herself, of course, but she has given us some information that we will  
display on the screens for you in the audience or watching around Japan! Let's give a  
Blind Date welcome for today's bachelorette!"  
  
To cheers, hoots, howls, and other sorts of ecstatic noises, Aino Minako made  
her grand reappearance on TV. She came out from a door on the opposite side of the  
studio than where the guys came in, and took her place on the seat on her side of the  
big screen.  
  
On the TV's that could be seen by everyone except for the three male contestants  
a few things displayed about her:  
  
NAME: Aino Minako  
AGE: 16  
LIKES: Helping people fall in love  
LOOKING FOR: Boyfriend, period.  
  
When the applause died down finally, Zenjirou spun to face the audience, his  
greased hair not moving one bit.  
  
"Before we get on with the trial of the three bachelors, let's find out what  
happened to last week's happy couple, right?" The host smiled as he turned to face  
one of the TV screens that were now playing footage from a tape of the date of the  
previous week's couple.  
  
The tape came on just in time to see a young woman at a nice restaurant stand  
up and shout, "I HATE YOU!" and throw her glass of water at a nicely-dressed young  
man who appeared to be her date. He responded in a similar fashion, flicking several  
pieces of food from his entree at the girl as he screamed, "YEAH?! WELL I HATE YOU  
TOO, SO THERE!"  
  
It began to escalate from there, with more types of food being thrown back  
and forth and other patrons at the restaurant who were hit by stray bits of food  
getting involved. The screens cut away from that tape not long after that, going back  
to Zenjirou in the studio, who was staring away off the camera for about ten seconds  
before he realized he was on the TV he was looking at.  
  
"Isn't it great to see two young lovers getting along?" he offered with a  
sheepish grin. Back in the sound room, the producer added a laugh track after the  
line so the audience got the idea and joined in on the laughter. Thanks to this quick  
effort none of the contestants found out about what happened, so they couldn't be  
unnerved by a horror story of what might happen.  
  
"Time sure flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?" he continued when the  
laughter was finished. "It's time to take a commercial break, but don't worry, when we  
get back, our lovely contestant will begin to narrow down her search for a date!"  
  
Music and applause kicked in as the Blind Date logo appeared on the screens,  
and then the show cut away to commercials.  
  
***  
  
At Usagi's house, nobody was really paying attention to the parts of the show  
that didn't deal with either Minako or Asai directly. Ever since Ami recognized the  
young man and reminded the others about what she knew about him, they had all been very  
excited. Even further, they noticed that it seemed like Artemis was hiding something  
from them, so when the commercial break came on, they were ready to start grilling him  
for answers.  
  
"You've got to know something more about this guy!" Rei exclaimed in  
exasperation after Artemis claimed to know nothing yet again. "This is not just any  
old guy!"  
  
The cat flicked his tail and looked up at the ceiling, trying (and failing) to  
assume a sort of dignified, "I'm too good for this" expression.  
  
The failure probably had something to do with the fiery Senshi grabbing him and  
holding him up by the tail.  
  
"Ow! Okay, okay, you got me, I'll talk!" Artemis pleaded.  
  
"Wimp," sniffed Luna as Rei let him down.  
  
"Spill it," commanded Rei. "Now."  
  
Artemis looked like he was going to try to play dumb again, but Rei looked like  
she was going to yank his tail again so his resolve crumbled quickly. "It's so  
coincidental, you probably won't even believe me."  
  
"Hey, we spent two years battling the worst baddies in the universe, we can  
handle a little coincidence," chimed in Makoto, her voice indicating that her  
patience level was at or around zero.  
  
"Well..." the lone male amidst a veritable sea of estrogen swallowed. "In a  
way it's simple. You know the old woman you were talking about earlier, right?"  
  
The others all nodded their heads, and Ami's face lit up in recognition.  
  
"That's Asai's grandmother. She's blind, so I've talked to her before, and  
she has no clue that I'm a cat."  
  
"You're kidding," Rei said in disbelief.  
  
The cat grumbled, "I told you that you wouldn't believe me."  
  
"It's okay, Artemis, I believe you," said Ami as she reached in to pet the  
cat. "In a way it actually makes sense. Minako has sometimes claimed she feels like  
a plaything of the kami, and this only proves it."  
  
Usagi blinked. "How?"  
  
Ami was about to explain, but then the show came back on TV. "Never mind,  
remind me later and I'll explain," she said hastily. "But either way, Rei and I have  
to meet this woman even more than we did previously."  
  
***  
  
"Welcome back, everyone!" exclaimed Zenjirou over huge applause as the show  
came back on. "Now that we're back, it's time to get moving on to what everyone  
came here to see, shall we? Bachelorette, are you ready to play Blind Date?"  
  
"Sure am, Zenjirou-san!" Minako said cheerfully as she flashed a V-sign to the  
camera.  
  
"Audience, are we ready?"  
  
"YEAH!" came the universal shout.  
  
"Then let's play!" Zenjirou said with a grin. "As always, our bachelorette  
will ask two questions to each of the bachelors, then pick one that she does not  
want to date. Then, she'll ask one more questions to the remaining two bachelors,  
and pick which one to date!" He pointed at Minako to signal the change in control.  
  
Lights flashed on Minako and she seemed to be shining from all of the  
attention. With a smile, she leaned up in her chair and said in a sing-song voice,  
"My first question is this: 'If you were to be the one I choose, where would you take  
me for our first date'?" She emphasized the word 'first' which caused a mix of "oohs"  
and squeals from the audience. Then she turned to face the screen, because that's what  
the contestants always did. "Bachelor Number One?"  
  
On the other side of the screen, Tama had a look of pure confidence on his face,  
as he answered haughtily, "Probably to a quiet hillside, if you know what I mean."  
  
The other three contestants were equally repulsed by that particular answer,  
but it seemed like the audience ate it up. Minako gaped for a second, but recovered  
and managed to say, "I see. Bachelor Number Two?"  
  
As the cameras shifted over to Tsubasa, he seemed like he was going to panic  
for a second. But he got control of himself, gulped, and replied in a quiet voice,  
"I think I'd take you to a chess competition. Those are very exciting." Laughter from  
the audience, although he was purely serious.  
  
'One jackass and one super nerd... I hope this isn't a lesser of two evils kind  
of thing,' Minako thought to herself grimly. "That sounds... different," she replied  
diplomatically. "Bachelor Number Three?"  
  
For some reason that Asai didn't really quite know, he had been sure that one  
of the questions the girl was going to ask would be this one. He'd been thinking about  
a reply to that question for a while, and so when the cameras moved to him, he  
replied with certainty, "I would take you out to a nice restaurant for dinner before  
going to see a movie that you pick."  
  
'Why does that voice sound familiar? Oh well, he's nice enough.' She grinned  
as the audience clapped some more and she realized just how silly some girls could be.  
"Very gentlemanly."  
  
"One question down, one question to go!" interjected Zenjirou. "Which bachelor  
will be the first one gone? Audience, pick up your pads from the seat in front of you  
and choose now!"  
  
There was a fifteen-second window while people keyed in their choices, then the  
results displayed across Japan:  
  
#1: 11%  
#2: 52%  
#3: 37%  
  
A lesson that stupid people in large groups should not be underestimated.  
  
To add to suspense and to reduce the likelihood of unpleasant events on the air,  
the contestants were not made privy to the results of this vote. Zenjirou signaled back  
to Minako, who continued, "My second question is this: If you were to find a purse on  
the ground and inside of it was a million yen, what would you do with it? Bachelor  
Number One?"  
  
"I'd keep it," scoffed Tama. "Finders keepers, losers weepers, and all."  
  
'Jerk', Minako decided. "Thank you, Number One. Bachelor Number Two, what would  
you do?"  
  
"I'd look inside and see if it belonged to anyone," Tsubasa replied, a little  
less nervous than before, "and if I couldn't find any ID or names, I'd keep it."  
  
'Better than most people would do,' the blonde admitted to herself. "Very nice  
of you, Number Two. Bachelor Number Three, how about you?"  
  
The volleyball-playing young man hadn't seen this question coming, but still he  
knew the answer easily, because that was the way he was. "I'd turn it in to the  
authorities, and if nobody claimed it then I would get to keep it," he replied.  
  
Inwardly, Minako was pleased, but she had to keep that hidden. "Thank you, Number  
Three!"  
  
A drumroll started again as Zenjirou cut in, "Well, Bachelorette, are you ready  
to send one of these three specimen home empty-handed?"  
  
"I think I can manage to pick one," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Let's hear it!"  
  
"Bachelor Number Three seems like a very nice guy, so much that I almost wonder  
why he's single in the first place. Bachelor Number Two seems unique, but that's not  
so bad since I like unique. And then there's Bachelor Number One... who just seems  
like an asshole. So Number One can take a hike!" concluded Minako. Cheers came from  
the audience as Tama stood up and walked off dejectedly past Minako.  
  
"There's who you chose to send home, Bachelorette! Hope you don't have any  
regrets!" Zenjirou cried, then turned to face the clapping audience. "We'll be back  
after this break, when our contestant picks one bachelor to date!"  
  
***  
  
The break seemed to pass quickly in the studio. Some techies ran out and removed  
the stool that Tama had been sitting on, then spaced Tsubasa and Asai so there wasn't  
and empty space.  
  
"Welcome back again, everybody!" said the host. "Are we ready for our  
bachelorette to ask her final question and choose her blind date?"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Bachelorette, take it away!"  
  
The girl nodded and smiled. "My final question is the most important question of  
all. And here it is: How would you describe the girl of your dreams? Bachelor Number  
Two?"  
  
"Oh! Well, that's easy," Tsubasa declared. "My dream girl would have long brown  
hair and brown eyes. She'd have glasses. She'd be intelligent and she'd have a sense  
of humor. She'd like to read, and she wouldn't care that I'm a huge nerd."  
  
"Sounds like a lovely girl, Number Two. How about you, Number Three?"  
  
Asai had been ruminating on this for a while, considering he had been on a  
search for a girlfriend for quite some time. "She'll be beautiful, like a goddess,  
with long flowing hair, eyes that sparkle all of the time, and a smile that can  
launch a thousand ships. Listening to her voice will be like listening to an angel  
singing. She'll laugh at my jokes, and I'll laugh at hers. She will believe in true  
love."  
  
Several people in the studio, including many of the audience and Zenjirou, were  
sobbing at the lovely description given by Asai.  
  
"That was... wonderful, Number Three," Minako said, stunned. 'It almost felt  
like he was talking about me...'  
  
"Are you ready to pick, Bachelorette?" Zenjirou asked once he'd calmed down.  
  
"Yes, I am, Zenjirou." Minako took a deep breath. The drummer started yet  
another roll. "My choice to date... is Bachelor Number T-"  
  
She was interrupted by a scream from somewhere in the audience.  
  
"BLIND DATE, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" shouted a despondant male voice. A figure  
emerged from somewhere, carrying a gun. Audience members recognized it as the male  
from the clip of the previous week's episode.  
  
The cameras all wheeled to face the newcomer as people screamed and ran out  
of the studio.  
  
"Hey, what the Hell are you doing here? I was just about to pick my dream  
date, you bastard!" Minako shouted.  
  
"Quiet, bitch, or this bullet'll have your name on it!" the young man  
shouted back.  
  
"Come on over here, why don't you, and I'll show you who is the bitch!"  
she goaded.  
  
Like a moron, the young man dropped the gun and ran over to drub what he   
asssumed would be a weak girl. Before he knew what hit him, he was on the ground  
cluthing his groin.  
  
"As I was saying, my choice to date is Bachelor Number T-"  
  
"I'm sorry, but we're out of time for today!" Zenjirou said cheerfully.  
"Tune in next week when things get back to normal!"  
  
"But wait, I wanted to pick Bachelor Number T-"  
  
"Ja ne, minna-san!"  
  
The cameras cut off, and as the realization that she was the first person  
ever to not leave Blind Date with a date, she began to get desperate. Rather than  
do the rational thing and go over on the other side of the screen to see who  
Bachelor Number Three was, she ran off, sobbing.  
  
Asai was convinced she was going to choose him, but she was already gone by  
the time he peeked on the other side of the screen.  
  
"Damn," he muttered.  
  
A hand clapped on his shoulder. He looked over and saw that it was Tsubasa.  
"I'm sure you'll see her again," the nerd told him.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
Tsubasa shrugged. "Hey, you were the one talking about true love. It works  
in funny ways, or so everyone tells me."  
  
"I guess it does," Asai admitted, feeling a bit better already. "I'll just  
have to keep looking for her. If only I knew her name, or what she looked like..."  
  
***  
  
A couple of hours later, the producer came into one of the back rooms of  
the station. It was somewhat dimly lit, and he was really only there to  
satisfy his own curiosity. When he got there he found that the make-up woman,  
Maeve, was there already.  
  
"You left the note?" both asked at the same time, then blinked.  
  
"I think we've been had," the man noted.  
  
"Mebbe so..."  
  
"Well, uh... do you want to go grab dinner or something? It was a  
pretty long day."  
  
"I think I'd like that."  
  
***  
  
That night, Minako wallowed on her bed, deep in the throes of self-pity.  
She was more than a bit upset at the events of that afternoon, considering she  
had been seconds away from getting a boyfriend but then was thwarted by an angry  
contestant from the previous week.  
  
Artemis was in there with her, trying to cheer her up, but it wasn't  
worth much to her. What could he know, being a male cat?  
  
"It doesn't help anything if you just sit here, Minako-chan," he said.  
  
She grunted.  
  
"I bet that boy is looking for you, and he can't find you if you're  
just in here all of the time."  
  
"Go away."  
  
The cat sighed. So much for all of the progress that had been made, he  
noted grimly.  
  
The blonde, who had been staring straight forward for hours, took yet  
another look at what was right in front of her. It was a page of a newspaper  
sticking out of her waste-basket, that she had been using earlier to sit all  
of her make-up on.  
  
She sprang up out of the bed as the significance of what that page  
could do hit her.  
  
"That's it!" she exclaimed, the "old" Minako coming back to the  
surface. "Aino Minako is hitting the classifieds!"  
  
There was but one thing for Artemis to say.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Notes: Well, this chapter really ran away from what was originally planned  
for it. When we first thought of the idea to have Minako on a dating show,  
we figured it would be something fun to have, but then when I was writing  
this and had to do all of this set-up work and a bit of stuff about other  
characters sprang up out of nowhere, and it was just like @_@.  
  
Did you spot the borrowed character? It was Zenjirou the host, from the  
anime Kodomo no Omocha (Child's Toy). I needed a host for the show and he  
stuck in my mind.  
  
Stay tuned next time for insanity revolving around classified ads, as  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend continues!  
  
-End 


	5. Mission IV - The Personal Ad

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (kateb@moonromance.com)  
========  
  
We own nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, except the hair-brained plot that Minako has   
gotten thrown into, this time. Please, PLEASE don't attempt to claim this as your own work.  
Truth is, it's taken us months to get this far, and it's only chapter four!  
  
Once again, this fictional work is PG-13. After all, is any hokey teen romance ever anything  
LESS?  
  
***  
  
The long, slender white cat yawned and stretched out to his full length on the   
windowsill. Ah, what a pleasant day it is to be a cat, he thought languidly to himself as  
he blinked open his blue eyes just long enough to glance out the window. Across the street,  
he could see his elderly neighbor blindly sweeping her front porch while her grandson - the  
sweet child he was - mowed the lawn. A few children were playing hockey in the street,  
using garbage cans and boxes as nets. Some crazy-looking blonde chick was running around,  
waving a newspaper and -   
  
Crazy looking blonde chick? Artemis nearly fell off his perch. "What NOW?" he   
groaned to himself as he watched Minako run up the sidewalk and across her mother's flower  
bed. The front door slammed, and he sweatdropped. "I SWEAR," he muttered, "if this is   
another of her flaky schemes, I will - "  
  
"Guess WHAT, Artemis!" shrieked the blonde girl as she skidded into her bedroom   
and tossed a newspaper down on the bed. Her peasant-style white blouse was absolutely  
disheveled, no doubt from her breathless jog down Main Street.   
  
The cat sighed. For the first time in his life, he seriously considered quitting his  
job, settling down with Luna, and having a few litters of kittens before taking his trip to  
the giant catnip farm in the sky.   
  
Minako bounced around the room maniacly, so he finally rolled his eyes and bit  
the bait. "What, Mina-chan?" he questioned of his charge.  
  
Holding up the newspaper, Minako beamed. It was, of course, the personals page that  
she was clutching in her fists, with one of the personals - one right in the middle -   
circled in red ink. "Read it!" she commanded her pet, obviously proud of...something.  
  
"Single Japanese female in search of single male," he read aloud, deadpan. "Enjoys  
lounging on beaches, playing volleyball, becoming an idol, and punishing evil doers. I'm   
5-foot-1 and..." He blanched. "...wear a 36D. Call 555-8716 and ask for V-chan!"  
  
Sighing wistfully, Minako fell back on her bed, cradling the paper to her chest.   
"Isn't it beautifully done, Artemis?" she asked of her pet, staring idly at the ceiling.  
"It's just the perfect thing I need to search for a boyfriend."  
  
His eyes blossomed, and he found himself blinking at her several times. She was...  
That personal was from... She wore a...  
  
"WHAT?!" he gaped, finally recovering from his shell-shock. "That's YOUR personal  
ad?!"  
  
The teen arched an eyebrow. "Duh," she responded, as though it was the most obvious  
thing in the world. "I mean, who else could it be?"  
  
Artemis just shook his head.  
  
"Oh boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission IV: The Personal Ad  
  
***  
  
"You WHAT?!" blinked the brunette as she was handed a copy of that morning's Tokyo  
Times. She stared dully at the highlighted, circled personal ad in the center of the page.  
  
Luna's left eyebrow twitched slightly as she skimmed the presented information.   
"'Punishing evil doers?'" she quoted skeptically, shooting an annoyed glance at the blonde.  
"If I didn't know better, I would think you were TRYING to give away who you are..."  
  
Eyes blossoming, Usagi looked up and down her bow-headed friend, giving her the once  
over. Then, she screwed her face into a perplexed frown. "I don't believe for a moment that  
you wear a 36D," she stated with a stern nod. "You're not THAT much bigger than me."  
  
There was a thud as Minako, Makoto, and Luna ate dirt.  
  
"WHAT??"  
  
It had been an average morning in the park for Usagi, Makoto, and the talking cat.   
There they sat, sinking in the sun's rays, not exactly waiting for anyone while waiting  
for someone all the same. And it had been a fine time - at least, until Minako run down the   
path with about seven copies of that day's newspaper. Yes, the day had lost its peaceful   
splendor at that point.  
  
And then, when they had each read the classified ad that the blonde had put out,   
the day decayed even further.  
  
Luna lept from her perch between the two unsuspecting Sailor Senshi and glowerd at  
the white feline that had walked up a few seconds after Minako. "Are you DAFT, Artemis?" she  
scolded like some sort of mothering demon. "Letting her do a hair-brained thing like this!  
Do you KNOW what kind of creeps read the classified ads?"  
  
As if on clue, a rather greasy, creepy-looking college boy who was standing ten feet  
away pushed up his plastic-rimmed glasses on his pimply nose and nudged another, equally   
seedy-looking guy. "Woo-hoo, check out the info on THIS chick!" he grinned, gesturing at the  
newspaper he had clutched in his fist. "I betcha I could get some major action from this   
one!"  
  
Sweatdropping, Minako put on the best "That was planned!" look she could and   
shrugged. "There are plenty of lobsters in the sea," she informed the cat, unconcerned.   
"Just because one is a creep doesn't mean they all are."  
  
"Isn't it 'plenty of FISH in the sea?'" corrected the brunette patiently.  
  
"That's what I said!"  
  
Another thud.  
  
Picking herself up from off the ground, Usagi rolled her eyes. "Why in the world do   
you keep doing stupid things like this, anyway?" she yelled at the other blonde, finally   
fed up. "If you knew what Ami and Rei were doing for you right now, why - "  
  
Makoto lept to her feet and covered the pigtailed girl's mouth as quickly as she   
could. "Wow, look at the time!" she grinned nervously, pursing her lips. "I promised   
Usagi-chan that I would show her how to work her mother's new food processor! Ja!"  
  
With a cloud of dust, the two Senshi were gone.  
  
Minako frowned. "What was that all about?" she questioned of the cats, glancing at   
her feet.  
  
Artemis paused, pursed his lips, and for a moment, said absolutely nothing. Then,  
he smiled encouragingly. "You'd better rush home!" he told his charge with all the   
excitement he could muster. "After all, someone might call while you're out!"  
  
Luna sighed as the blonde ran off, waving her arms and grinning insanely. "One of   
these days, you are going to be VERY sorry for all the dumb things you keep letting her do,"  
she reproached.  
  
He nodded and exhaled, defeated. "Don't I know it?"  
  
***  
  
"I'm sorry that we can't be having tea," sighed the elderly woman as she cupped her   
hand in her cheek and smiled in the direction of her two visitors. "My grandson is out at  
the supermarket, fetching me teabags and the other items I need for the week." She sighed   
wistfully. "He's such a thoughtful boy, always willing to do something kind for his poor   
old grandmother."  
  
Rei chuckled uncomfortably, shifting not under the sightless gaze of the old woman  
but of the two monsterous dogs that were curled up at the woman's feet. "Our friend said  
that you're very kind," she addressed the woman cautiously, "and we wanted so much to meet  
you and that grandson of yours..."  
  
The woman laughed freely and tossed her long, gray hair. "You can't fool me, girl,"   
she teased, wagging an accusing finger at the raven-haired miko. "You're after my Asai,  
and I can't blame you. All the girls are, it seems. Even your young friend, Art, seems to   
really have developed a liking to my grandson."  
  
With a choked snort, the black-haired one pursed her lips and nodded. There was a   
small bought of silence. "Do you think that Asai needs a girlfriend?" she questioned   
cautiously, not wanting their mission to seem too obvious.  
  
"If you're asking if he's lonely, then yes," nodded the woman. "If you're asking  
if he's perfect for some girl, then yes. But, unfortunately for you two, the position has   
already been filled."  
  
The floor shook with the impact of the facevault.  
  
Ami-chan, who seemed always the first to recover from these things, sprang to her   
feet and gave the strange old woman a puzzled - and horrified - look. "You mean that   
Asai-kun HAS a boyfriend?" she gaped, completely confused by the train of thought that had   
just taken place. "You JUST SAID that - "  
  
"Yes, you're right, I said that Asai is lonely and needs to find a girl to be with,"  
nodded the blind woman with a small, almost sad smile. "But there's this nice girl, a young  
girl, who lives across the street from me and down just a bit. She's very nice - a little   
flakey at times, but very, very nice."  
  
"You don't mean..." blinked Rei, as if she was just starting to get it.  
  
Ami's jaw dropped open. "It couldn't be..."  
  
The woman leaned back in her armchair and sipped slowly out of a glass of water.  
"Now, what was her name?" she questioned thoughtfully. "Aino Minako? Yes, I think that is   
right. Aino Minako-chan, first year of high school."  
  
Lighting up, the priestess nearly bounced into the old woman's lap. "That's   
fantastic!" she grinned excitedly. "You see, we're friends with Min-MPHF!" She suddenly   
found herself struggling to speak through the death-grip that Ami had adhered to her lips.  
  
"Mineiya," put in the blue haired one quickly, hoping that the woman wasn't sharp   
enough to tell that Rei was thrashing and fighting under her hand. "Kiko Mineiya, a very   
nice brunette girl from Juuban. However, if you're certain the position is filled, then..."  
  
"Definitely," nodded the older woman decidedly. At almost the same time, the front   
door opened and Asai - garbed in his volleyball shorts and a T-shirt - strode into the   
living room and smiled apologetically toward the group.   
  
Ami thanked her lucky stars that he didn't recognize either her or Rei, and that   
he didn't question the odd picture the two Senshi made.  
  
The woman grinned and stood slowly. "Now I can make you two your tea!" she beamed   
in a grandmotherly way, instinctively stepping over her dogs and starting toward the   
hallway. "You two girls wait right here; I'll be back in no time."  
  
As soon as she was out of the room, the black-haired teen kicked her friend in the  
shins and squeezed out of her half-nelson. "What the Hell was that for?" she roared, her   
voice alone shaking the walls.   
  
"I just want to know more about Asai and why he's so perfect for Minako," stated  
Ami plainly, bending down to pat the head of one of the dogs. Rei shot her an odd look, and  
she rolled her blue eyes. "If we just let her know that we want to fix Minako-chan up with  
the same person, we'll never get to the depths of Asai's REAL moral character." She pulled  
her glasses out of her breast pocket and rested them on the tip of her nose. "This,   
Rei-chan, is what we call investigative work."  
  
Her glasses flashed white as she adjusted them, setting them perfectly on the   
bridge of her nose.  
  
The miko sighed. "You're enjoying this WAY too much," she lamented, shaking her   
head.   
  
Ami smirked, her smile almost evil in nature. "Nah," she responded nonchalantly.   
"Not TOO much."  
  
***  
  
The clock ticked.  
  
And ticked.  
  
And ticked.  
  
And ticked.  
  
And -  
  
Well, you get the idea.  
  
Minako groaned and rolled over from her back to her stomach, staring dully at the   
cordless phone in front of her. It was a cute little Hello Kitty phone she had picked up at  
the Sanrio store just a few weeks before, all pink and girly with little flowers and stars  
and smiling Kitty-chans on the front. As the minutes passed by, however, it became an object  
of her mockery, the Kitty-chans grinning up at her in their own, private mirth, as if   
saying, "Ha, you pathetic loser! You lied about your bra size and you're STILL not big   
enough to win a guy!"  
  
Cursing, she picked up the phone and flung it at the wall. Unfortunately, she missed   
the wall and threw it through the open window and onto the street below.  
  
Artemis flinched as he heard the familiar sound of cracking plastic. "It's only   
one in the afternoon on the first day of a week-long run," he informed the blonde with his  
most encouraging cat smile. "I mean, a lot can happen in the next week, and there's a   
VERY good chance that - "  
  
"Shut up," moaned Minako as she rolled off her futon and started poking around under  
her bed to find her orange rotary phone, which she had replaced the week before. "I know   
that you think I'm totally stupid, and I don't really blame you. In fact, I'm starting to   
think you were right all along."  
  
The cat would have done a victory dance had the phone not rung at THAT VERY MOMENT,  
cutting off any coherent thought or responce he would have had. Dropping the now-useless   
Hello Kitty base, the blonde dove for her phone and picked it up with the most charming   
grin she could muster.  
  
"V-chan here! Talk to me!"  
  
And then, her grin dissolved into a thoroughly pissed-off frown.  
  
"No! This is NOT the Hayume residence!"   
  
CLICK!  
  
Blanching, the cat shrugged his shoulders. "You have a whole week," he reminded her,  
smiling beneath his sweatdrop. "A week is a VERY long time. For all you know, you could   
wake up tomorrow morning and have sixty responces to your ad sitting on the answering   
machine."  
  
"I could also wake up tomorrow and have a pig's snout," she quipped with a toss of   
her head.   
  
Artemis sighed and resigned himself to lay, dejected, on the windowsill. Why was he  
letting her bother? He thought of the woman down the street and of Asai-kun, and how happy  
he KNEW she would be if she just would have the chance to hook up with him. They were   
perfect for each other, he knew... Well, at least he he guessed so... and hoped so... and   
prayed for it to BE so...  
  
He gulped and raised his head, glancing up at the blonde. She was still staring at  
the phone, hopeful and yet hopeless at the exact same time. "Listen, Minako-chan," he began,  
trying to think of a nice way to come clean with all the plots and things he had been up to,  
"I think I know a guy who - "  
  
The phone rang, cutting him off. Minako rolled her eyes and picked it up, mouthing   
the words "One minute" as she did so.   
  
"This is not the Hayume resi - What? Yes, I placed that ad in the paper. V-chan,   
right? That's me."  
  
Her pet's eyes blossomed. "Oh no..." he groaned softly to himself. "Someone actually  
ANSWERED that thing..."  
  
A stuffed animal came flying in his direction, and he suddenly knew he hadn't said  
that statement quietly enough.  
  
"Mmm-hmmm? Really?! Yes! Of course! What? Oh, I know exactly where that restuarant   
is! At five? Great! I'll be there!"  
  
Hanging up the phone, Minako flashed her cat the "V-for-victory" sign. "Aino   
Minako's amazingly fabulous search may have come to fruition!" she announced proudly. "I   
have my very first date tonight!"  
  
The cat sighed. "Just great..." he muttered.  
  
Another toy animal beamed him upside the head. He looked up and Minako smiled back  
at him, cutely. 'I need to mutter quieter,' he resolved.  
  
***  
  
Rei leaned over the countertop as best she could, kicking up one foot behind her as   
she batted her eyelashes at the attractive young man across from her. "Are you sure you   
don't need help putting away those groceries, Asai-kun?" she questioned in a falsetto tone,   
winking as he glanced up from a stack of soup cans to glance at her. "They look so...  
heavy..."  
  
"No, thanks, Rai-SAN," he responded, emphasizing the respectful (and slightly   
unfriendly) suffix as he spoke. Not to mention using the wrong name. "I think I've got it."  
  
Ignoring his blatant botching of her name, she giggled sweetly. "Well, let me know   
if you need help!" she chirped, toying with a strand of raven-colored hair.  
  
He rolled his eyes and ignored her.  
  
Sometimes, the miko had to curse Ami's ingenuity. The blue-haired genius had sent   
her Shinto friend into the kitchen to do "investigative reporting". More specifically,   
she had sent Rei to find out how Asai would react to some beautiful young girl throwing   
herself at him. "After all, Rei-chan," she had scolded the miko as she shoved her into the   
next room, "we want to be sure that he doesn't take advantage of Minako!"  
  
"I'm sure that - " she had began before she stumbled over the kitchen rug and   
landed, quite literally, at the volleyball player's feet.  
  
So much for being subtle.  
  
"What do you like in a girl?" she asked of him after a brief pause, hopping up onto   
the kitchen counter. She crossed her legs at the knees and showed as much leg as possible,   
her super-short school skirt not hindering the process in the least. "Do you prefer   
cheerleaders, jocks, innocent school girls who have never had a date in their lives...?"  
  
He arched an eyebrow at her. "I like girls who can make me smile and laugh," he   
responded softly, almost as though he was a little embarassed. "I want someone who I can   
play sports with sometimes... and cuddle with, other times. A good personality, a good   
soul..." Blushing a bit, he ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I prefer a jock girl with  
a feminine side," he chuckled before going back to the mini-cannery his grandmother had sent  
him to purchase.  
  
Rei frowned. It was almost too good an answer. "And what about a first date?" she   
asked, leaning forward until she was certain she was giving him a bird's eye view of her   
clevage. "Dinners? Movies? Dancing? What?"  
  
Feeling as though he was on a rewind of Blind Date, he sighed. "I would take her out  
to dinner and a movie, maybe dancing..." He shrugged. "I've really never had a serious   
girlfriend, Rye-san. I want one, but..." Turning toward her, he shrugged. "None has really   
ever hit my standards for the perfect girl, no matter how badly they may want to."  
  
Blowing her bangs from her face, the Senshi crossed her arms over her chest. So much   
for investigative reporting. "Obviously not," she mumbled, frowning. "You have some damned   
high standards if you ask me..."  
  
And then, she realized that Minako-chan met every one of those very standards...  
  
***  
  
"This one?"  
  
"Why did we agree to help her?"  
  
"Shush, Haruka."  
  
"Oh, that's all fine and good for you. ACT as though you don't mind, yeah, because   
you are all big on getting on Neo-Serenity's good side! I see how this is going! That way,   
when the year 3000 rolls around, you'll be popular with all the guards and just be able to   
get away with whatever the Hell you - "  
  
"Haruka, do you WANT me to box your ears?"  
  
".......no......"  
  
"HELLO?! What do you guys THINK?!" Minako stomped a foot rather loudly on the tile   
floor of the botique, and the sound echoed through the shop. Several other women - most of   
them young and all of them quite stylish - turned to glance at the blonde standing in the   
middle of the store. She was garbed in a tight, long black dress that left NOTHING to the   
imagination. Emphasis greatly on NOTHING.  
  
Kaioh Michiru, the senshi of the sea, brushed a strand of aquamarine hair from her   
face and shook her head slowly. It was the thirteenth dress she had tried on, and yet...  
"Definitely not, Minako-chan," she advised in a motherly tone, her hands on her hips as she   
spoke. "It's far too low cut and tight. You don't want to give it all away on the first   
date, do you?"  
  
Her mate smirked wolfishly and winked at the blonde. "I don't know," she retorted,   
moving to wrap an around around Minako's well-shaped hips. "I kind of like it. After all, it  
does give it ALL away..."  
  
Cuffing the sandy-haired woman on the back of her head, Michiru rolled her eyes. "Go   
try that blue one on again, Minako," she told the bow-haired girl. "I really think that one   
was the best on you."  
  
"That one was BORING," contended Haruka. She would have pressed farther, but a glare  
of death stopped her.  
  
It was almost four in the afternoon, and Minako was starting to panic about her   
impending date with the man who had answered her ad. He had said very little... In fact, the   
only things she really new about him was that his name was Kenisho and he was from the   
upper-class section of Tokyo. He hadn't left a number or any really tangible information.   
She didn't even know his last name.  
  
Sighing, she retreated into the dressing room and peeled off the black dress.   
Calling Michiru for fashion advice had not been her first choice, but neither Ami nor Rei   
had been home to go shopping, and she didn't want to interrupt Makoto's food processor   
lesson with Usagi. She almost didn't mind spending time with the antagonistic Outer Senshi.   
After all, Haruka was so bishounen, it was almost scary.  
  
She slowly tugged the blue dress, which had been Michiru's favorite of the group,   
back on and adjusted it over her form. It was knee-length with a tight, sparkly bodice and a  
flowing, billow skirt. With a wrinkle of her nose, she smoothed the dress over her hips and   
strode into the shop with the confidence and certainty of a goddess.  
  
Haruka let out a long wistle, as if she had just taken a good, long look at the   
dress. "I take it back," she smiled, almost drooling. "That IS a good dress."  
  
The blonde teen blushed slightly and scuffed her feet together. "So much for boring,  
ne?" kidded Michiru with a long-lashed wink, moving to circle Minako and give her a   
once-over. "I think it's for you," she approved, nodding. "I really think it's for you."  
  
"I think we shouldn't let her roam the streets in an outfit like that," put in the   
sandy-haired motocross champ, suddenly edgy. She hadn't paused to think about the kinds of   
weirdoes that lurked about the Tokyo streets at night. "It's not safe..."  
  
"Don't worry so much, Haruka-san!" laughed Minako heartily. "I'm Venus-chan,   
remember? I can handle it!"   
  
The duo of Outer Senshi glanced wearily at one another as they watched their younger   
friend fly towards the dressing room, her hair bouncing all the way. "I have a bad feeling   
about this," sighed the taller woman, her hands in her back pockets as she spoke.  
  
Michiru frowned and nodded slightly. "Sadly, so do I."  
  
***  
  
"I think Asai is a fine young man, ma'am, and I don't want you to think otherwise,"   
Ami assured her newfound friend carefully, hoping and wishing and praying that she didn't   
offend the older woman. "I am just really curious about who he is, inside. What makes him   
tick, what he loves and adores, everything else." She adjusted her glasses. "After all, if   
it fails with Minako, I would love to set him up with Minamei."  
  
The woman frowned, arching an eyebrow questioningly. "I thought you said her name   
was Mineiya," she observed, pursing her wrinkled lips.  
  
Ami just barely avoided a massive facevault. "Yes, yes, Mineiya," she chuckled   
embarassedly, brushing her hair from her face in a nervous motion. "I don't know why I said   
Minamei. Slip of the tongue, I'm certain."  
  
Her companion nodded, but it was obvious that she didn't believe the blue-haired   
girl sitting across from her. "Well, I think that Asai is a fine boy," she explained,   
sipping her tea as she spoke. "He's intelligent, sporty, and very quick-witted. Maybe a   
little shy, but he's a good boy. Perfect for Minako-chan, I'm sure. I mean, don't you   
agree?"  
  
"Of course I agree!" grinned Ami happily, clasping her hands together on her lap.   
"Minako and Asai are absolutely perfect for - "   
  
"Minako? Don't you mean Mineiya? Or Minamei?" The old bag was smirking something   
awful.  
  
The young one blanched and pursed her lips. "Oops?"  
  
Laughing, the elderly lady tossed her hair and smiled. Ami said nothing, staring at   
her feet in terrible embarassment. "I knew you two were talking about Minako-chan as soon as   
you walked in here," she told the genius with a wave of her hand. "Art talked so highly of   
her and then you two, that I was sure you had the same thoughts I did. So why don't we all   
join forces, work together to make both Asai AND Minako-chan very, very happy? What do you   
say?"  
  
Ami smiled and nodded eagerly. "That sounds great to me!" she agreed, taking off her   
glasses and tucking them back into her pocket. "Joining forces will - "  
  
There was a crash from the kitchen, and a few soup cans rolled into the living room.  
  
"Asai!" called the elderly woman, rising slowly. "What in the world was that noise?"  
  
Tripping out of the other room was a bedraggled, messy-looking Rei. A red welt was   
forming over her eye as she strode into the living room.  
  
"I wish I hadn't offered to help," she groaned, rubbing her eye.   
  
Ami chuckled and said nothing.  
  
***  
  
Fudotoku Kenisho - much to Minako's ever-lasting horror - looked to be about forty   
and dressed even older. Large, plastic-rimmed glasses sat heavily on his nose, and his   
black, greasy hair was so well-lacquered into a perverse combover that the blonde wondered   
if it was painted on. He wore a three-piece gray suit with a dotted bow tie, and when he   
smiled, a shiver ran down the young woman's spine. He frightened her just a bit, and it   
wasn't the kind of shiver you get when you go on a rollercoaster. This was REAL FEAR.  
  
"So, Minako-chan, what posessed such a pretty young woman like you to place a person   
ad in the paper?" questioned Kenisho after the waiter came with a basket of bread and left  
with their dinner orders. His query came complete with one of his smiles, causing his date  
to shudder just a little bit. "I mean, someone as beautiful as you... I wouldn't expect you   
be single at all, let alone single AND desperate."  
  
He laughed, and she forced herself to laugh with him before guzzling down her fifth   
glass of water that evening. Why was it that being with him made her more nervous than   
fighting Sailor Galaxia or meeting the Three Lights ever had? Placing down her cup on the   
table, she shrugged and crossed her hands over her lap. "The boys at my school have never   
really taken an interest in me," she admitted quietly, trying to decide how she should   
respond to him. "I had a steady boyfriend when I studied abroad, in England, but I haven't   
really become close to anyone since then." She paused, picking her words carefully. "I   
really want to find the perfect guy and settle down. All my friends have boyfriends,   
and..."  
  
The blonde trailed off and into an awkward silence. Around them, the posh French   
restaurant bustled with soft activity - busboys cleared empty tables while other patrons   
discussed their jobs, their families, their lives... And in the middle of it sat a teenage  
girl with some middle-aged stranger. Some SCARY middle-aged stranger, she added silently to   
herself. Some VERY scary middle-aged...  
  
"Losing someone you love is hard, I know," he nodded sympathetically, his eyes   
glancing up and down her form. Minako shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It felt like he was  
visually undressing her. "I can never seem to keep a girlfriend too long... Of course, they   
all say I suffer from wandering eyes!" He laughed, and she smiled slighty and nodded,   
reaching for her glass.  
  
He seized her hand halfway there in a tight, and yet somehow gently, gesture. "But I   
don't want to just look at you, Minako-chan," Kenisho whispered, his voice low, flinty,   
seductive. "Let's leave this place and go back to my apartment for a drink. What do you   
say?"  
  
Minako panicked. Why hadn't she seen it coming?! He wasn't some kind-hearted   
gentlemen from the lonely heart's club! He was a perverted old man looking for some stupid   
teenager to take to bed.  
  
She tried to tug her arm away, but he held fast. "Let go of me!" she moaned,   
wrenching her wrist as hard as she could. His grip tightened further, and he twisted her   
arm a bit.  
  
"Minako-chan, let's not be rash," smirked Kenisho smugly. "I don't want the little   
butterfly that I've caught in my web to break her wings."  
  
Glaring at him, Minako's voice turned to a soft, angry growl. "The only broken   
things here are going to be your balls," she informed him.  
  
She shifted her weight and kicked him as hard as she could from under the table. He  
yelled out in pain and moved to clutch his groin, doubling over in his chair.   
  
And Minako ran from the restaurant faster than she ever had in her life.  
  
***  
  
Minako fled through the midnight streets, her high heels clicking loudly on the   
pavement. It was not yet sundown, and pedestrians still dotted the sidewalk, mostly too   
busy with their own business to pay any mind to the frightened girl in their midst. A few   
turned to look at her, but before anything was said she had passed on her way, her face   
dotted with tears as she ran.  
  
She was a good eight or nine blocks from the restaurant before she finally collapsed   
on a bus stop bench, gasping for air. The cool summer breeze mussed her hair as she dug in   
her purse for a handkerchief. She didn't want to let herself believe what had happened, and   
yet... She knew it had. There was no way to deny it... She had almost been had a man take   
advantage of her.  
  
"Can I sit here?" questioned a voice, and she glanced up to see a young woman   
standing above her. Long, brown-gold hair hung in kind-hearted green eyes, and the blonde   
was loathe to say no. Instead, she nodded timidly and scooted over to make room.  
  
The stranger sat down, and for a moment, all was silent. Neither said a word; Minako   
really didn't feel like venturing information, and the strange woman was obviously afraid to   
say anything and, therefore, make and idiot out of herself. Finally, she smiled kindly. "All  
dressed up with no where to go, eh?" she joked, winking at the blonde. "Or should I ask what   
a pretty little thing like you is doing in a place like this?"  
  
Minako laughed through a sniffle and shrugged her shoulders. "I had a date that   
didn't go well," she replied helplessly, not knowing what more to say.   
  
Nodding, the brunette leaned back onto the bench. "I totally can understand that   
one," she agreed in a sympathetic manner. "I had a three-year relationship that didn't go   
well." She chuckled. "I swore off love almost totally, but I think I'm ready to start   
again."  
  
The blonde's ears perked up. "Really?" she questioned. Her mind rejoiced at the   
chance to talk to someone else about finding a boyfriend. "How are you planning to start up   
again? I mean, if you don't mind me asking."  
  
Her newfound friend shrugged. "I found this really great personal ad. Just great,   
exactly what I want." Digging into her pocket, she pulled out a newspaper clipping and   
handed it to Minako. "Tell me if this isn't just the perfect match."  
  
Minako wiped her eyes and started to read. She got about halfway through before she   
realized just what it was she had been handed.  
  
"T-this..." The words caught in her throat. "This is MY personal ad!" she gaped,   
dropping the sheet of paper onto the ground.  
  
Blinking profusely, the brunette blinked a few dozen times. "I'll be damned!" she   
grinned after a brief moment, bending to pick up her sheet of newsprint. "YOU'RE the chick   
who I was going home to call! Of all the ironic happenings in - "  
  
And then, she blinked again.  
  
Minako, once again, had begun to run down the sidewalk.  
  
***  
  
He sighed and leaned back in his seat. It seemed that every time his grandmother   
went to her "Braille Bingo Night," he was stuck sitting for the dogs until she came home.   
Of course, it wasn't always such a bad deal. He got free food, as much soda as he could   
drink, and utter silence to do his homework.  
  
Which worked out, really, except this particular week he had absolutely no homework.  
  
Asai groaned softly in utter boredom and leaned forward to grab the paper from the   
countertop. "I doubt that Grandma will mind if I decide to do the crossword puzzle," he   
mused to himself. He flipped through the front section, past the stock charts and the sports  
scores (after checking the baseball rankings, of course), and then dove into the Arts and   
Entertainment Section.  
  
Unfortunately, as he moved to open the section of the paper, another section - the   
classified ads - dropped to the floor. Rembrandt immediately latched onto the paper and   
scampered out of the room with it, Maxwell in hot pursuit.  
  
The teen groaned. "Dumb dogs," he muttered to himself as he pushed out his chair and   
took off after them. A chase around the dining room table ensued until, ten minutes after he   
had first lost the section of the paper, he recovered the drool-covered remnants of the   
pages.  
  
Glancing over what remained of the paper, he blinked. In the midst of the page, next   
to a large hole (courtesy of Rembrant) was a note written in red pen. The note, of course,   
was in his grandmother's familiar loopy handwriting. It read, "Have Asai call!!!" But all   
that was left of the advertisement it pointed to were the last four digits of a phone   
number: 8716.  
  
He recognized the page as the personals and sighed, crumpling the paper into a ball.  
"I really need to talk to her about this mission to find me a girlfriend," he muttered to   
himself, tossing the paper into the garbage can. "I mean, first this 'nice girl' comes over   
and she does nothing but talk about her CONSTANTLY, NOW this ad... What next?!"  
  
***  
  
Minako collapsed onto her bed in defeat and stared at the ceiling. "You don't need   
to say a word, Artemis," she told her cat matter-of-factly, not even turning to look at him.  
He had been following her around since she had gotten home, watching in silence as she   
shoveled down a pint of ice cream and then changed into her pajamas. He would have followed   
her right into the bathtub had she not locked him out of the bathroom. "You were right."  
  
And now, she lay helplessly on her futon, her wet hair soaking her comforter as she   
looked, teary-eyed, at the cracked paint above her. "Kenisho was, like, forty," she informed  
her pet softly, not looking at him. "He tried to seduce me, and I ran. Then, I sat down on a   
bench and met this really nice brunette chick who was just getting ready to go back into   
romance after a bad break up. Of course, she picked ME as the person she wanted! ME! As if   
I'm gay or something."   
  
She rolled over and burried her face in her pillow. "Why aren't there any decent   
guys in the universe, Artemis?" she moaned, her voice muffled by the feathery down of her   
pillow. "Why can't I just find a nice boyfriend and settle down with him and - "  
  
The phone rang, cutting her off. "Never mind," she groaned at the cat. "I don't want   
to hear your wisdom, anyway."  
  
Artemis frowned. "Minako, I'm not mad at you. I just want to - "  
  
"Hello?"  
  
There was silence as Minako blinked, listening intently to what was going on at the   
other end of the phone connection.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Silence...  
  
"Listen, you pervert, I am NOT in the mood to deal with your adolescent   
heavy-breathing shit! Get a life, buddy!"  
  
She hung up the reciever with a clang.  
  
Artemis sighed, frowning. "I really am not mad, Minako-chan," he told the girl,   
leaping onto her bed and curling up beside her. "And I'm sorry that this has been so tough   
for you. I knew something was wrong from the moment you walked in... And I'm just glad that   
you didn't get hurt."  
  
She smiled softly and reached down to pat her cat on the head. "I wish I could have  
a boyfriend like YOU, Artemis."  
  
He shrugged, smirking. "Eh, I do my best."  
  
***  
  
The next few days were so peaceful that they could be dubbed as uneventful. Rei and   
Ami kept in constant contact with Asai's grandmother, who - after figuring out the girls had  
no idea what to call her - had introduced herself as Shoga. Shoga, though blind, was proving  
herself to be as sharp as a tack and super-intelligent, always coming up with ideas for how   
to set up her grandson with her neighbor. Unfortunately for the three-person task force,   
Minako's constant obsession with her still-running personal ad lead her to do nothing more   
than sit in front of the phone.  
  
Meanwhile, Usagi and Makoto tried desperately to find a way of stopping Minako's   
amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend. It seemed to be just that - a desperate (and   
futile) attempt at the impossible.  
  
It was the third uneventful day in a row after Minako's terrible date that the   
blonde stomped into Rei's bedroom at the Shinto temple and dumped a bouquet of flowers onto   
her bed. All the others, who had been holding a "religious study class" (which was the   
codename for a "set up Minako with Asai seesion"), had barely had time to pull out a few   
Bibles and a Torah before she barreled in. And she did BARREL in - she was one pissed off   
Minako-chan.  
  
Ignoring her friends, the teen walked across the tatami mats and bent down, seizing   
her white feline by the scruff of his neck. "I've known for a LONG time that you've had a   
sick sense of humor, Artemis," she growled at him, "but sending me flowers signed 'K'   
really stoops to a new low!"   
  
The cat sputtered, hardly able to breathe. "F-flowers?" he choked, struggling to get   
away from her before she single-handedly could be billed as the cause of his death. "What   
flowers?"  
  
She tossed him on the bed and pointed, furious, at the dozen red roses she had   
brought along. "THOSE flowers," she spat.  
  
Sweatdropping, Ami scratched the back of her head. "Now, Minako, let's examine this   
carefully," she gulped, not wanting to see the white pet killed in the next few moments.   
"There is no proof that Artemis sent those flowers. It could be your mother, and the 'K'   
could stand for 'Ka-san.'"  
  
"Or it could be your friend Kari from England," put in Makoto helpfully, looking up   
from the Bible she was supposed to be interested in (nevermind the fact it was upside down   
on the table). "She sends you gifts a lot, right?"  
  
Usagi grinned brilliantly. "Or it COULD be from Kenisho! You know, that guy you   
went out with?"  
  
The others all threw their various religious books at her.  
  
Sighing, Artemis poked the flowers with his nose. "I'm really sorry, Mina-chan, but   
I didn't send you any flowers." The helpless, apologetic look on her face was almost heart-  
breaking. "But don't worry. I'm sure it IS Kari or someone else. After all, that Kenisho   
jerk got his just desserts the other night, ne?"  
  
The blonde nodded weakly, but somehow, Artemis was certain that she didn't believe   
him in the least.  
  
***  
  
Minako tossed and turned in bed, victim of a fitful sleep and terrible dreams. Her   
room was cold, empty, lonesome, and the thoughts of the strange roses still haunted her.   
Why? How? So many questions, no answers...  
  
She woke to the sound of footsteps on creaking floorboards. To her groggy half-awake   
state, it seemed like nothing much, but -   
  
"Mina!" hissed Artemis suddenly, leaping onto the bed in a frantic kitty-cat manner.   
She sat straight up with a gasp, surprised by her pet's sudden action. "Mina-chan, there's   
someone in the house!"  
  
Her eyes blossomed. "What?" she gasped, staring at him in fright.  
  
He nodded solemnly, his face screwing into a concerned scowl. "He's some sort of   
washed-up, middle-aged burglar, I think," he told her, hopping down to peek out the doorway.  
"Dressed all in black and armed with a crowbar. But he has the worst combover I have seen in   
all my years! It's HIDEOUS."  
  
For a moment, Minako was frozen. Combover? There was only one man she could think of  
who would come to their house at night... Well, only one man with a combover, at least.  
  
"Kenisho," she breathed, kicking off her covers as she spoke.   
  
"WHAT?!" gaped Artemis, his whisper almost a small yell as he watched his charge   
cross the room and head toward her dresser. "Do you think the flowers were from him, too?"  
  
"I don't doubt it," she responded, pulling what appeared to be a small orange stick   
out of her top bureau drawer. "But don't worry, Artemis; I'll clean his clock."  
  
And then, with a smirk, she whispered, "Venus Crystal Power, Make-Up!"  
  
***  
  
"We've been trying to get this creep for months," sighed the police lieutenent   
apologetically as Fodutoku Kenisho was lead into a squad car. He was bound with the normal   
police-registered handcuffs, and a tightly-wound Venus Love Me Chain, as well. "He's known  
for propositioning young teens like yourself, but we've never gotten anyone to positively   
ID him well enought to take him in."  
  
Minako smiled and tightened her bathrobe around her lithe form. For some reason, she   
found herself blushing. "Well, I'm just glad that Sailor Venus was able to come to my   
rescue," she chuckled embarassedly, acting like the schoolgirl she was. "I don't know what I  
would have done without her!"  
  
The cop nodded and smiled at her. "I never really believed in those Sailor Senshi   
chicks until now," he admitted with a small shrug as he scribbled in the blanks on a   
clipboard form. "It figures, doesn't it, that - "  
  
"Minako-chan! Thank goodness you're okay!" cried a voice, and the blonde turned to   
see Shoga stumbling across the street, with Maxwell all harnessed into his seeing-eye-dog   
gear. The blonde chuckled at the sight the elderly woman made; she was wearing a raincoat   
over her nightgown and looked positively ridiculous. "I heard the flashing lights, but I   
couldn't wait for my grandson to come over! I just had to check on you!" She hugged the girl  
tightly. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he?"  
  
Chuckling, the teen shook her head. "No, he didn't," she told her neighbor gently.   
"He just scared me a bit, that's all. Besides, Sailor Venus came to my rescue."  
  
Shoga smiled in her "I know something you don't know" manner. "Why, my grandson has   
been saved by Sailor Venus, too!" she grinned excitedly, her sightless eyes twinkling with   
mirth. "If you could wait five or ten minutes, he'll be here. He's on his way from his home,  
and - "  
  
"I'm sorry, Ma'am," sighed the lieutenant, stepping in, "but Aino-san has to come   
down to the station and fill out some papers for us. Maybe she can meet your grandson some   
other time."  
  
Minako was lead away by a few uniformed officers, calling a polite "So long!" to   
her older friend.  
  
The old woman scowled, her nose wrinkling. "So much for being in the right place at   
the right time," she muttered.  
  
***  
  
Minako collapsed into bed at about six a.m., completely bushed from the night of   
excitement. Even though she had left for the station at about two, all the red tape and   
paperwork took so long that, by time she walked into the house, the sun was already touching  
the horizon.  
  
She sighed and settled into her covers, ready to sleep, when Artemis popped up and   
sat down at her bedside. "I hope you've learned your lesson about meeting strange guys from   
the paper," he scolded her in the most fatherly manner he could muster.   
  
Rolling blue eyes, his charge nodded. "It's a dangerous business," she admitted with  
a small nod, sick of hearing all his grousing about her boyfriend mission in the first   
place. "I mean, you never do know what kind of sick you're going to find, even if guys like   
Kenisho are one in a million."  
  
The cat nodded. "Exactly. So, I take it you're giving up on this crazy plan of   
yours, ne?"  
  
With a sharp recoil, the girl sat up in bed and glowered at her pet. "Hell no!" she   
shot back at him, as if she had never heard anything more ridiculous in her life. "I mean,   
why in the WORLD would I want to give up?" She cupped her chin in a hand. "I just need to   
think of something new and different, something that no one else in the WHOLE WORLD has   
ever thought of before."  
  
He scoffed. "I would like to see that done." After a pause, he sighed. "Mina-chan,   
you have to realize that EVERYTHING you try is going to be something - "  
  
He stopped as he saw the proverbial lightbulb dawn over her head. "I've got it!"   
she announced loudly, pointing one finger in the air. "The perfect idea!"  
  
Artemis blinked at her. "What NOW?" he groaned, afraid to even ask.  
  
Minako leaned back into her covers, got all balled up, and smirked. "I'll tell you   
in the morning."  
  
The cat shook his head, not even sure that he wanted to know what she would think up  
next.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
What next? Yeah, okay, we aren't quite sure yet either. Hey, co-authoring is fun, but there  
are some downsides! But please e-mail us and let us know what you think.  
  
Will Minako succeed? Will Ami, Rei, and Shoga succeed? Will Asai ever find out what's going   
on right under his nose? Find out next time as Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search  
For A Boyfriend continues!  
  
-End 


	6. Mission V - Datamatch

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (kateb@moonromance.com)  
========  
  
Naoko Takeuchi created the world; we're just borrowing it for a while with a few added  
characters of our own and giving it another plot. Please don't steal it, or sue us. ;_;  
  
This fic is PG-13, as has been noted in at least five prior places. Most likely if you're  
under 13 but intelligent enough to understand what is going on in this fic, you'll be fine.  
Moreover, that probably means you can pull a fast one on your parents. We won't tell if you  
don't.  
  
Thanks to John Keane for his comment that gave me the idea to do something in this chapter  
that I probably wouldn't have thought of otherwise.  
  
***  
  
Weary from what seemed like years of anguish witnessing schemes of a certain blonde  
charge of his, the white cat stretched out on the bed of said blonde in the morning sun,  
enjoying what little peace he could get while the opportunity presented itself.  
  
He was beginning to think that perhaps he'd done something to anger the kami, and   
that they were taking out their anger on him indirectly by making Minako act like she had   
been over the past month or so.  
  
How else could her determination be explained? One plan would be about normal   
Minako, and that was exhausted by her mad dash around Tokyo that one day with the two dogs.   
In itself that wasn't so bad, either. Especially considering she left Artemis on the   
sidelines for that one, even if it wasn't her intention.  
  
It was the rapid succession - more accurately, failure - of her next three mad   
schemes - the club surfing, the TV appearance, the personal ad - that really made him feel   
like his hair was going to turn gray. Except, of course, that he only had fur, and that   
didn't turn gray, but the sentiment remained quite the same. Admittedly, the spot on TV's   
Blind Date not working out wasn't really her fault, since the producers cut her off before   
she could pick a boy to date. But nonetheless, when it piled on to Minako's previous   
failures, it made her ensuing schemes even more mad than the previous ones.  
  
Fortunately for his sanity, he'd been collaborating with Luna and the other Inner   
Senshi within the past couple of weeks or so to get Minako a boyfriend without one of her   
mad schemes being involved. Unfortunately for his sanity, that had to be kept a secret, so   
Minako continued scheming, blissfully unaware of the conspiring that took place all around   
her.  
  
Speaking of his charge, he looked over from his spot on the bed and noticed that she  
was stirring. The night before she had informed him that her next scheme would be revealed  
in the morning, and he had to admit to himself that he dreaded it greatly.  
  
Her sleep finished, Minako sat up, covering a yawn with her hand. "Mornin',  
Artemis," she mumbled.  
  
The white cat was about to reply when he found himself unceremoniously dumped onto  
her floor. She had stood up, he saw, and flicked him off the blanket when she did. 'This  
does not bode well,' he noted to himself, expecting the worst despite his being sure that  
he could not even comprehend the worst possible scenario.  
  
"Very funny," he retorted sarcastically. His eyes followed the blonde across the  
room to her desk, where she was looking at a paper.  
  
Tiredness quickly disappeared from her countenance and demeanor. Minako pulled the  
sheet of paper off of the desk and displayed it proudly for Artemis. "See this, Artemis?  
It's my guaranteed ticket to a boyfriend!"  
  
Not the first time he'd heard that, of course. He hoped it would be the last, but  
was well aware that it probably would not be.  
  
The cat cringed as her voice lifted to what he had come to recognize as meaning   
another mad scheme's birth. "Aino Minako is going to play Datamatch!" exclaimed the blonde   
as she flashed the cat her trademarked V-sign pose.  
  
Artemis looked from the paper, to Minako, back to the paper, then heaved a large  
sigh.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission V: Datamatch  
  
***  
  
Telltale signs of disaster were falling into place, Makoto knew. There was a look in  
the eyes of her single blonde friend, a look that meant she was planning something. A spring  
in her step that wasn't there before, a spring that meant it had to be something big. And as  
she well knew, the bigger the plan, the worse it seemed to blow up in Minako's face.  
  
"I think Minako-chan is planning a new boyfriend scheme," said Ami after she took a  
bite of her lunch, making Makoto wonder if her friend was reading her mind.  
  
It was lunch period for the four Inner Senshi who attended Juuban High School.  
Usagi, Ami, and Makoto sat in their usual spot in the courtyard, minus a certain blonde who  
was at one of the tables, busily pondering a sheet of paper. The blonde- and blue-haired  
girls looked at her curiously, but the brunette just shook her head and turned a grin back  
to her friends.  
  
"It's Datamatch time of year," she pointed out to the others, "and you know what  
that means to Minako."  
  
Ami regarded Makoto with a look that suggested otherwise. "Data-what?"  
  
"Oomph! I kow!" Usagi exclaimed cheerfully, not pausing to consider that her mouth  
was full. She blushed and swallowed when her friends glared at her, then repeated, "Ooh! I  
know! Datamatch is, um... oh, right! It's that thing where you answer all of those multiple  
choice questions and then a week later it tells you who you have the most in common with!"  
  
"That's right," Makoto began, but was immediately interrupted by Usagi, who was  
apparently just taking a breath, not finishing a sentence.  
  
"I was going to fill it out last year, except then I remembered that I already have  
Mamo-chan, and I didn't want to get matched up with someone and have them start chasing  
after me, and -"  
  
A held-up hand halted Usagi's rambling. She again blushed as she realized that her  
attempts at good manners were not going very well.  
  
"Oh, I see. It sounds like it might be entertaining to fill one out, just to see who  
comes up on the results form."  
  
Usagi looked over at Makoto, who looked at Usagi. Both blinked simulataneously, then  
turned their gaze to Ami.  
  
"You feeling okay, Ami-chan?" The brunette took her hand and placed it on Ami's   
forehead. It felt normal enough.  
  
"What? Can't I have a little diversion every now and then?"  
  
"Well... as long as nobody tries to steal my Mamo-chan, it's all okay by me!"  
  
Backwards fell Ami and Makoto, as Usagi blinked innocently and looked at them  
curiously. "What?"  
  
"Nothing, Usagi-chan," Makoto said, exasperated.  
  
As Ami sat back up, she looked over towards where her desperate single friend was  
sitting earlier. The blonde was gone. For a moment she considered mentioning it to Usagi and  
Makoto, until she thought about it. Out of sight, out of mind, the young woman decided, and  
so it was.  
  
***  
  
For Minako, it was a time that deserved nothing but silence from her surroundings.  
The most solemn of occasions, as it was one that would hopefully impact the future of her  
life - at least, the future that wasn't already set in (fluid) stone. But she wasn't  
thinking about Crystal Tokyo one way or another. Love was at stake, and there could be no  
dawdling along the path!  
  
Most would have probably considered her sequestering herself in the classroom of  
Sasaki-sensei to be dawdling along that very path, but that was because they just didn't  
understand. Others did not have the plight of the Ai no Senshi, of being single when they  
were taken, of searching desperately for a boyfriend yet being thwarted at every turn. But  
others certainly did not have the resolve of Aino Minako, and only she could pull off such  
an amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend!  
  
Likely only she could be distracted so by her thoughts, as well. The Datamatch form  
sat, untouched, on the desk she was seated at, while she stared off at the ceiling and  
continued mentally giving the most motivating (and ironic) speech she could possibly give.  
  
With a bemused look on her face, Sasaki Kimiko watched the most energetic and  
eccentric member of her tenth year World History class be her eccentric self. It was the  
second year in a row that the teacher had the blonde student; the class the year before was  
one on Government. For the young teacher, Minako reminded her somewhat of herself, albeit a  
bit more unusual.  
  
The teacher was more than happy to allow Minako use of her classroom during lunch  
hour to sit there and do nothing, and not entirely for the purpose of silently laughing at  
the blonde. She already had a student coming for a detention, so it was not a big deal,  
besides.  
  
"I'm here, Sasaki-sensei," came an arrogant-sounding male voice from the doorway.  
  
Following that voice into the room was a tall and fairly muscular young man, built  
quite like an athlete.  
  
"Sit down, Tama," the teacher replied calmly, her eyes following him as he walked in  
and sat down next to the blonde. If ever polar opposites existed in the world, she knew, it  
was these two students.  
  
The voice of the entering student startled Minako out of her thinking. Not so much  
that it was a voice, but that it was a voice she was fairly sure she'd heard before. And  
looking at the boy who walked in, she was fairly sure that she'd seen him before, and  
recently.  
  
"Aino," Tama said with a nod of his head, teeth clenched.  
  
Minako tried to think of something to say that at least resembled tact; however,  
this effort failed miserably. "Bachelor Number One," she sneered.  
  
"I thought that was you."  
  
"You know what they say. Whatever can go wrong will go south for the winter!"  
  
"Uh... I don't think they really say that..."  
  
"Jerk."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Hmph!"  
  
Sasaki-sensei realized belatedly that she should have seen this coming. It was too  
bad she'd forgotten about the previous day's debacle on TV's Blind Date. 'Not even the wise  
can see all ends,' she consoled to herself. 'In the meantime, this is pretty funny!'  
  
The blonde was trying to pout as cutely as possible - she had her elbows crossed  
over her chest, her head lifted up in a snooty way, and saying 'hmph' every time Tama tried  
to speak.  
  
Eventually the jock gave up, leaning back in his chair and staring intently at the  
drawings and carvings on the old wooden desk.  
  
What passed for Minako's sensibility when she was in her boyfriend-crazed moods  
emerged on the surface after a couple of minutes of that silliness. It occurred to her  
suddenly that Tama must have known who the other contestants were, and he could tell her  
who Bachelor Number Three was! She was a genius!  
  
Problem: Minako was presently pouting.  
Problem: Minako was not presently on speaking terms with Tama.  
Problem: Minako had no clue where to find the guy if Tama told his name.  
  
Well, every plan had knots that needed to be ironed out. Fortunately two of those  
could be solved quite quickly; by the time she had finished the thought she was done  
pouting and considering things to say.  
  
"What're you in for?" she asked after another few moments of pause.  
  
A glare was her only response.  
  
"I don't see why you're all pissy. It's not my fault you came across like an  
asshole yesterday." A pause before she continued, "You could've at least tried to seem  
sensitive, you know."  
  
"Not like it mattered, that number Three, he was a charmer," Tama said in a   
defeated tone. Nor could the blonde blame him for doing so, as he was quite correct in his  
assessment.  
  
She sighed, realizing that this line of questioning was pointless - and beyond that  
it was cutting into her Datamatch time! "Look," she said softly, "I'm just going to cut to  
the chase. Bachelor Number Three - who was he?"  
  
"We had to sign a contract saying we wouldn't tell you if we ever met you," Tama  
lied, for no real reason other than that he could.  
  
"Urgh! I can't take this anymore! I'm leaving!" Minako screamed in his face before  
picking up her Datamatch paper and stomping out of the room.  
  
Tama looked up to find Sasaki-sensei giving him a dubious look. "Sheesh, I could've  
told her it was Asai."  
  
A grin played across Tama's face. "Oh, I know. But she didn't. Revenge is a dish  
best served cold, and now me and Aino are even again, after what she did."  
  
The teacher shrugged. "Whatever you say," was what she said out loud, but to herself  
she decided, 'This should be good.'  
  
Blissfully unaware of the conversation exchange that took place not five seconds  
after her exit from the room, Minako made her way elsewhere and continued to try to figure  
out her Datamatch form.  
  
***  
  
An athlete cut from a different cloth than Tama made his way down a street in Juuban  
that was like many others in Tokyo, towards a house that looked like many others, to visit  
with a woman who had no peer in the entirety of Tokyo. Though this fellow was not quite  
aware of the unique nature of the woman, since part of what made her so unique was that she  
could keep her omniscience concealed.  
  
The woman, who went by Shoga to the few who got to know her well enough and asked  
her name, happened to be sitting on her porch with her two seeing-eye dogs that very  
afternoon.  
  
"Hi, Grandma!" he called out as he approached the house.  
  
The dogs, Maxwell and Rembrandt, barked their recognition of the frequent visitor.  
  
Blind though she was, her face could still light up like anyone else's when she was  
happy. A visit from her favorite (only) grandson was enough to do the trick. "Asai-kun!" she  
crooned in her slightly tinny voice. "What brings you here this afternoon?"  
  
"Well, Grandma, there's this thing at school, and I thought that the Bureau of  
Romance In Asai's Life would want to advise me as to what to do," Asai noted with a   
good-natured grin.  
  
"That was very thoughtful of you, Asai-kun. Hopefully the Bureau can help!" the old  
woman exclaimed, a look of mirth on her face. "What is it you need? Dancing advice?"  
  
"No, Grandma, it's nothing like that. See, there's this thing called Datamatch..."  
  
The young man, old woman, and the two dogs sauntered into the house to chat about,  
among other things, Datamatch.  
  
Right after the door closed, a certain blonde and her companion cat came waltzing  
down that same street, towards a house that looked like many others, oblivious to the cruel  
twist of fate that the blonde was apparently made victim to.  
  
"I still don't see what good this Datamatch thing is going to be, Minako-chan," the  
cat said to the blonde, his frustration apparent.  
  
"How many times do I have to explain it to you, Artemis?" demanded Minako.  
  
Wisely, Artemis opted not to point out that she had yet to explain it to him. It  
could not be said that the cat lacked self-preservation instincts. 'Must be a side-effect  
from hanging around Luna so long,' he thought.  
  
She sighed in exasperation, then lectured him in a tone that suggested she was  
completely bored. "Datamatch is where someone answers a variety of multiple choice questions  
on different subjects, then gives it to the people running it. The results are analyzed and  
you are given the names of the people who have the most answers the same as you! So I can't  
go wrong with it, because the most compatible will be right there!"  
  
"But what if the guy who is meant for you doesn't even fill one out?"  
  
Apparently his self-preservation instincts weren't quite up to snuff after all.  
Minako booted him into a nearby tree.  
  
"Baka," she huffed over her shoulder as she walked off towards her house.  
  
As it turned out, the smiting was quite convenient for Artemis. He could then sneak  
off and scheme behind Minako's back under the guise of being annoyed with her for kicking  
him into a tree.  
  
Lacking a clue as usual, the blonde kept on to her house.  
  
"Hi, dear!" her mom called out as she strolled through the front door.  
  
In itself this was a most unusual event, especially considering that her mother was  
almost never home when she got home from school and that she and her mother almost never  
talked. It wasn't something she minded, as they were both very busy, but that just made this  
occurrence even more strange.  
  
"Hi, Mom... why are you home early?" She tried to mask the confusion she felt but  
had no success.  
  
"Oh. Well, after that man tried to hurt you the other day, I thought maybe you  
wouldn't want to be home alone right after school," her mother replied as she regarded  
Minako with a concerned look.  
  
Naturally, this ranked towards the bottom of things that Minako wanted to have  
happen. At best it would be annoying, she was sure, and at worst it would be a hindrance to  
her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend.  
  
Then again, she couldn't blow off her mom for caring after the incident with  
Kenisho. "Thanks, Mom," she said sincerely. It was touching, after all, even if she was  
fairly sure it would become annoying. She hoped that wouldn't happen right away.  
  
"How was your day at school?"  
  
So much for that. She promised herself right then and there that under no  
circumstances would she give her mom more details than necessary.  
  
"It was fine, Mom. I picked up a Datamatch form today and I'm going to fill it out  
tonight!"  
  
So much for that.  
  
"Datamatch? What's that, Mina-dear?" her mother inquired in a sweet tone, the kind  
that mothers use when they ask a question to which they already have an answer, but simply  
ask it to see their child squirm.  
  
One foot in the ground already, the blonde swore that there was no way she would  
plant the other one there, too.  
  
"It's just this thing where they match people up based on how they answer some  
questions, Mom."  
  
So much for that. Minako could feel a drop of sweat growing across the back of her  
hair.  
  
The process was one that could have repeated on endlessly, but the Aino matriarch  
had learned all she needed to. "That's nice, dear," the woman said. "Just let me know if you  
need any help."  
  
A relief for Minako, who was expecting to get embarrassed far worse than she did.  
Thankful for dodging the bullet, she nodded to her mom and bounded up the steps. Slipping  
into her room, she sat down at her desk and finally started filling out the Datamatch form.  
  
"My, I see that old woman hasn't lost her touch one bit," Minako's mother noted with  
a chuckle to the pattern she was stitching.  
  
***  
  
The house that looked like many others in the middle of the street that looked like  
many others was apparently a popular destination on that afternoon (which was also like many  
others, at least to most people). Coming 'round the corner a few minutes after the previous  
pedestrians were two girls, both very excited, although one showed it far less than the  
other.  
  
"Are you sure we should be doing this right now, Usagi-chan?" asked the taller of  
the two girls.  
  
"Of course we are, Mako-chan! You saw how weird Minako-chan was at school today,  
didn't you?" replied Usagi.  
  
"Well, yeah..."  
  
"So, since we already have boyfriends, we have to do what we can to help find her a   
boyfriend!"  
  
Not surprisingly, the brunette couldn't quite follow her friend's train of illogic.  
She also opted not to mention that if it weren't for the whole destined love thing,  
Usagi-chan would probably also be on the 'boyfriendless' list.  
  
"I guess so," she said, not convinced, but curious enough to go along anyway. "What  
exactly are we going to do?"  
  
"Uh... I kind of don't know yet."  
  
WHAM! was the sound as Makoto tipped over and landed on somebody's lawn.  
  
"But that's okay!" Usagi continued as though nothing had happened. "We'll just make  
it up as we go along!"  
  
A male voice spoke up from behind them, nearly causing the blonde to leap right out  
of her skin, "I wouldn't recommend that."  
  
Both of them whirled around to find the speaker, only to find nobody standing there.  
  
"Down here, you two," the voice said.  
  
Each sweatdropped when she looked down to find Artemis standing there with an  
expression of annoyance on his almost-human cat features.  
  
"I knew that," the girls said at the same time before looking at one another and  
sweatdropping further.  
  
"How did you know where we were?" Makoto inquired.  
  
The look of annoyance seemed to get stronger. "You two were so loud, a deaf dog  
could have followed you if he wanted to."  
  
"Ooooooooops," the blonde managed with a demure giggle.  
  
"Why don't you look at some of Asai's answers, then get Minako to fill out those  
answers when you see her?" the cat suggested.  
  
"Um, we weren't going to see Min-" Usagi began before an elbow planted in her rib  
cut her off.  
  
"That's a good idea, Artemis," Makoto decided. "Why don't you come with us to make  
sure we do it right?"  
  
With a sigh, the cat consented to join them. He'd hoped to find Luna with Usagi, but  
that wasn't the case, and he knew it was likely that these two would mess up if he weren't  
there with them...  
  
Fortunately for the shreds of sanity that remained in Artemis' feline mind, Usagi  
and Makoto remained quiet during the short trek from the street corner to the old woman's  
house.  
  
At Shoga's door, Makoto timidly reached out and knocked on the door in the classic  
'shave and a hair cut, two bits' pattern.  
  
"Coming!" they heard an elderly-sounding voice shout.  
  
Although neither Usagi nor Makoto had met the old woman or been inside her house  
before, they could picture in their minds what had to be chaos that they were hearing  
through the door.  
  
As the doorbell rang, they could hear two dogs begin barking rather loudly. It  
sounded like they started running around the house, too, with somebody chasing them and  
yelling (a male voice, so probably Asai). They winced as they heard a couple of things  
shatter.  
  
That's what it sounded like, anyway, because when the door opened to reveal a  
grinning, diminutive woman. From what they could see of the house over her head, it looked  
like absolutely nothing had happened.  
  
"Hello! Can I help you today?" the old woman crowed happily.  
  
"Um..." Makoto stammered.  
  
Usagi drove over her like a Mack truck. "Hi!" she called out cheerfully. "I'm Usagi,  
and this is Makoto. We're friends of Ami-chan's, and we just wanted to come by and meet the  
old woman she talked about!"  
  
The old woman responded with a knowing look. "Would you girls like to come in? I've  
made some tea and cookies for my grandson, since he's over here and filling out his Data...  
Datamatch? Yes, that's it. Do you girls know about Datamatch?"  
  
"Yes, we know all about Datamatch. A friend of ours told us about it..." Makoto said  
with a wink.  
  
"We hear you know her! Minako-chan!" Usagi exclaimed.  
  
So much for subtlety, Artemis thought.  
  
The grandmother might not have been able to see Makoto's exasperated sigh, but it   
was loud enough that it was a wonder Asai didn't pick it up in the next room over. On her   
face, the grin widened. "Ah, yes, Minako-chan... she's a very popular person these days."  
  
The irritation of wanting to speak yet not being able to was worse than it usually  
was for the cat. Then again, that was likely because it was a very rare occasion when he got  
to speak with a rational agent who did not think him incompetant merely because of how he  
was born - namely, being male. And he didn't even want to meow his frustration at the girls;  
he was well aware that this old woman was perceptive, and he didn't want to give her even  
the slightest clue that "Arty" might be a cat.  
  
"I hope you don't mind if we bring our cat in too," said Usagi.  
  
Artemis wanted to claw out a chunk of the blonde's skin, but that probably still  
wouldn't have gone over very well with Luna or anyone else for that matter, and he knew it   
wouldn't have gotten his point across anyway.  
  
"That's quite alright, Usagi-chan," the old woman informed her. She led them in to  
the room where the young man was dutifully filling out something on a sheet of paper. Closer  
inspection revealed it to be the Datamatch form.  
  
A look of surprise crossed the young man's face as he noticed the two newcomers. He  
was not entirely familiar with Usagi and Makoto, but he knew enough that the appearance of  
the two girls at his grandmother's house was a strange occurrence. "Ah. Hello, Tsukino-san,  
Kino-san," the stunned Asai offered.  
  
With a shake of her head, a bounce of her odango, and a wave of her hand, the blonde  
dismissed the unnecessary formality.  
  
He shrugged, then looked at them curiously as he noticed the white cat on Usagi's  
shoulder. "Um... forgive me for asking," he began, "but why do you have Minako-chan's cat on  
your shoulder?"  
  
As much as the three of them might have liked to be elated at Asai's use of the  
-chan honorific to refer to Minako, they were all suddenly put on an awkward spot by him  
recognizing that Artemis 'belonged' to her.  
  
"Uh, we were, uh..." Usagi stammered, lamely.  
  
"We're taking him for a walk, because we just came from Minako-chan's!" Makoto cut  
in. "Yeah!"  
  
The grandmother was glad they did the lying for her, because she hated to have to  
resort to lies, although sometimes they were quite necessary. Minako-chan had a cat? The  
girl hadn't mentioned that before. Curious...  
  
"Oh," said Asai, and that was that.  
  
Except for the poor male, who was without knowing it caught up in the currents of  
something bigger than he'd been involved in since the time the Death Busters tried to  
extract his heart crystal, everyone in the room was well aware that the girls really weren't  
there for tea and cookies. But of course, for the sake of that male, the others had to keep  
up the ruse.  
  
While the old woman was fetching some more tea, Makoto picked up a pen from the  
counter and started to move towards Asai, so she could read over his shoulder. She noticed  
a glare directed her way from Artemis and realized that she probably wasn't being discreet  
enough; to solve this she picked up a magazine that was also laying on the counter.  
  
Unfortunately for the brunette, her skills in the cloak-and-dagger field were  
lacking. The young man was aware of her presence the entire time as she tried to secretly  
scribble down numbers that he was filling out.  
  
Makoto was thinking to herself as she wrote each thing down. '12-C, 13-B, 14-D,  
15-C... geez, these seem like what Minako-chan would answer...' Then she was startled by  
someone clearing their throat.  
  
Asai was looking at her, barely containing a smirk. "Can I help you?"  
  
"No!" exclaimed the brunette, a bit hastily. "I was just, uh, reading this excellent  
magazine, is all!"  
  
"Well, enjoy," the volleyball player told her, his smirk no longer being contained.  
"Bunnies are cute."  
  
"Uh, yes... yes they are," she replied, confused.  
  
It was after a moment's thought that Makoto realized she was holding a Playboy  
magazine. She had the decency to blush as she hurriedly put it back on the counter and fled  
to the other room.  
  
While the undertones of that particular exchange flew over Usagi's head, at least  
she did catch on and notice that pretending to read a magazine wasn't an effective method of  
being secretive.  
  
The blonde girl walked across the kitchen, slowly, with a pen in hand. She, too,  
tried to scribble answers that Asai had on his form onto her palm. '21-D, 22-A, 23-B, 24-C',  
she thought as she hurriedly scribed them onto her palm.  
  
When the young man was convinced that Usagi too was watching him, he turned to find  
her busy doing something else and got back to his work.  
  
Usagi was washing her hands.  
  
She couldn't see any of it happening, but though her vision had dulled over the  
years, her imagination sure hadn't, and the picture she was getting made Shoga feel like she  
was eighteen again. She hadn't had this much fun in years, no doubt about it! And beyond  
that, she knew if Minako-chan was friends with people who were this much fun, that was even  
more reason for her to set the girl up with her grandson. It was too bad he never brought  
his friends over, they were probably funny, too.  
  
"How are the tea and cookies, everyone?" she asked. Oh, how hard it was to hold back  
the laughter!  
  
"Just fine, Grandma, as always," Asai responded quickly, then took a bite out of a  
cookie that he'd not yet touched to give the illusion that he'd been eating.  
  
The girls mumbled their assents to that statement from where they were. No surprise,  
Artemis sighed as he watched it all from his perch.  
  
"Um... we have to go, uh, do our homework now!" the brunette proclaimed nervously  
after a minute of awkward silence.  
  
For once, Usagi seemed to catch on. "Yeah! Uh, sorry to have imposed!"  
  
They moved towards the door quickly, and Shoga showed them the way out after  
assuring them that it was no trouble whatsoever, and that they could come visit any time  
they wanted.  
  
"Weird girls, Grandma," Asai decided after they'd left. "I hope you're not trying to  
set me up with anyone like that."  
  
"You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Her sightless eyes sparkled with  
innocence and she giggled much like a schoolgirl would have. "Now, what's next?"  
  
"Number thirty, Grandma. 'At a party, you are most likely to be found here...'"  
  
***  
  
They were across the street before anyone spoke.  
  
"It's a good thing you girls never treated one of our worse enemies like that,"  
remarked Artemis in the most father-like tone he could muster.  
  
For that tone he was rewarded by being dropped right off of his perch to the ground.  
He landed on his feet.  
  
Artemis chided himself. He should have known better. Perhaps all of this time spent  
around the Senshi was dumbing down his senses...  
  
"Hey, we didn't do that bad!" objected Makoto.  
  
"Yeah!" added Usagi. "At least we got a few answers that Asai had!"  
  
"What did you do after you got those answers, Usagi-chan?"  
  
"Duh! Mako-chan and I left!"  
  
Luckily for Artemis, he'd been let down from Usagi's shoulder, because otherwise the  
flip he took straight for the pavement might have injured him. "What did you do before that,  
Usagi-chan?" His eyebrow was twitching. Hell, both of them were. Maybe even his tail too,   
for good measure.  
  
To Usagi's credit, it finally hit her what Artemis meant. "Hehehehe... heheh...  
hehe... heh... eh..."  
  
"I've still got mine, you know," the brunette proclaimed defiantly.  
  
The cat scoffed, "On your forehead, maybe."  
  
A sweatdrop grew on Makoto's brow and she innocently scratched the back of her head.  
"Right. I meant to do that, you know."  
  
"Let's just get to Mina-chan's," Artemis suggested. He didn't add, 'before you make  
me wish I wasn't intelligent.'  
  
There was a cloud of defeat hanging over the girls' heads as they walked up the  
sidewalk leading to Minako's house. But they weren't ready to give up just yet, not when  
their goal had not been reached!  
  
After the doorbell of the Aino household rang, they heard someone call out, "On my  
way!" and walk across the floor towards the door.  
  
It opened to reveal the Aino matriarch, who was as surprised to see the girls as  
they were to see her. "What are you here for, girls?"  
  
Makoto started talking right away so Usagi didn't get the chance, which was most  
likely for the better. "We came to see how Minako-chan was doing with her Datamatch form."  
  
"Oh!" A smile appeared on the mother's face. "Well, why didn't you say so right  
away? Come on in! She's really excited about it, you know."  
  
"We'd sort of gotten that impression... didn't we, Artemis?"  
  
The cat meowed and walked over to Minako's mother, who cooed at him. "Oh, little  
Artemis! That's where you've been! I was getting worried about you..." The woman picked  
the cat up and started scratching behind his ears.  
  
Well, Artemis thought, life could be a lot worse than this after all.  
  
***  
  
The sight that he found in Minako's room almost made him take back that thought.  
It was like the place had transformed into a war zone, and the fact that the blonde had  
dug up a vintage flak helmet and dressed herself in battle camouflage was only part of  
it. Granted, a large part of it, but not all of it. There was also the paint she had smudged  
on her face.  
  
'Where *did* she get those camos?' Artemis wondered silently. They even had 'Aino'  
on the name patch. He didn't think she'd had any veterans anywhere in the family, and he'd  
never seen it before...  
  
Moving along in his observations of the transformed room, there were a couple of  
chairs stood up with a blanket draped over them, trying to mimic an old command post. From  
somewhere she'd even found a flashlight that looked old, and a clipboard, and she'd been  
sitting under there filling out the Datamatch form.  
  
When Usagi, Makoto, and Artemis walked in, they stared at her as though she was  
insane, and she stared right back at them as though they were insane for thinking that she  
was insane.  
  
"Hi, Mina-chan," Usagi said after the staring had gone on for long enough.  
  
"We just came by to see how the Datamatch filling-out was going," the cat added  
before more staring could ensue.  
  
"I was just getting in the mood," Minako informed them, as though what she was doing  
was the most natural thing in the world.  
  
"Ah... have you started yet?" The young woman who moonlighted as Sailor Jupiter was  
hesitant to ask the question - knowing Minako, the answer was as likely to be 'no' as   
'yes'.  
  
The blonde in the helmet flashed a V-sign at her friend. "Of course! I'm more than  
half finished, you know!"  
  
If the cat had hands, he'd have been wiping his brow in relief. Instead he settled  
for letting out his breath.  
  
"I'm glad to hear that," the cat said, and if he had ever meant anything more in  
his entire existence, he wasn't sure what it was.  
  
"Can we see your answers?" the future Queen inquired.  
  
The other blonde glared at her friend as though Usagi had just asked her to cut  
off her own right wrist.  
  
"Uh..." Usagi stuttered under the glare. "We just wanted to, er, make sure you  
didn't have any mistakes?"  
  
Suddenly Minako was all smiles. "Okay!" she said in a sing-song voice and happily  
forked over the paper-in-question.  
  
As much as the cat was sure that he'd taught Minako over the past three years, as  
much as he'd thought she had grown, the fear of how much of a disaster area that sheet  
of paper might end up being made him close his eyes. He didn't open them until Makoto  
whispered something to him and he realized they were shut.  
  
Miraculously, except for the marks that his charge had made on the paper to show  
her answers, the sheet was immaculate.  
  
"Minako-chan, don't you think number fourteen should be 'D'?" Makoto was pretty  
sure that's what the smudges on her hand said.  
  
"I think it should be 'C', Mako-chan," Usagi informed her.  
  
Artemis could see where this was going, and he wisely scrambled over to Minako's  
bed and sat down to observe the brewing conflict from afar.  
  
"No offense, Usagi-chan, but I don't think you'd know anything about number  
fourteen."  
  
"Oh yeah? Well, what would *you* know about number fourteen, Mako-chan?"  
  
"Remember, Usagi-chan, I-"  
  
Makoto was cut off by Minako clearing her throat, which was probably for the  
better, as she was either going to reveal the plan or find herself throttling Usagi  
fairly soon.  
  
"Guys," said Minako calmly, "thanks for coming and all, but you're distracting  
me too much, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave."  
  
Usagi and Makoto graciously accepted the unexpected bailout and headed on their  
merry way.  
  
"Artemis," said the blonde as she hunkered back down in her 'bunker', "I have  
some really weird friends."  
  
The cat was afraid that he'd start laughing if he started talking, but he  
managed to say, "Yes, you do," before the laughter began.  
  
Minako had already tuned him out anyway.  
  
***  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
During the lunch periods at Juuban High School, a table was set up in the  
hallway near the cafeteria for the students to turn in their Datamatch forms. The wall  
behind it was adorned with a large sign reading "DATAMATCH" in several places, adorned  
with a few of the cheesiest slogans that the people in charge of the program could  
create with their collective creativity.   
  
Manning the table on that particular day was Tsubasa, who, if asked, probably  
could not say how he'd come to be involved with the Future Educators of Japan. And it  
wasn't due to the exchange student from America, Sarah, either. That particular  
American happened to be the other person at the table. Tsubasa certainly hadn't  
manipulated things just to get to work with her, no sir.  
  
It was a pretty slow day, with not many people swinging by to drop off their  
forms of yet, so he found himself thinking back to how he'd never have met the girl  
a few months ago if it hadn't been for a strange student named Minako...  
  
***  
  
As usual, Tsubasa was the first person of his English Speaking class who had  
arrived and sat down in Brown-sensei's classroom. He didn't really know why it was  
always like that, because he couldn't imagine why the other students would not want  
to arrive early and maybe talk in English casually with Brown-sensei, who was a  
really nice guy.  
  
For lack of better things to do, he found himself staring at the doorway to  
the classroom, waiting for the familiar yet unfriendly faces to walk in.  
  
The first face to appear was one that was neither entirely familiar, nor  
unfriendly. He recognized the girl as a student he'd seen around before - she played  
a sport, was it softball? But she certainly wasn't in the class.  
  
"Good morning to you, Aino-san," the sensei said as Minako walked in, rising to  
greet her.  
  
"Good morning, Brown-sensei!" the girl effervesced. It wasn't natural  
to be that cheery, especially not early in the morning.  
  
Brown-sensei looked to be reading over a paper in his hand. "Have you brought  
my new student today?"  
  
"Yeah!" She waved to someone he couldn't see, who must have been standing in  
the hallway. "Come on in, Sarah-chan!"  
  
If Tsubasa paid attention to looks - not that he did or anything - he'd have  
probably thought the gaijin who walked in was a goddess of some sort. Not only was she  
about ten centimeters shorter than him but she just appeared so plain, like she didn't  
at all try to impress people.  
  
He missed a significant look that passed between the blonde and the sensei, but  
that didn't really matter.  
  
"Why don't you go sit over there next to Tsubasa-kun?" he heard Brown-sensei  
suggest.  
  
The geek didn't have time to object, and besides, he didn't want to.  
  
"Hello, I'm Tsubasa. Pleased to meet you," he said in his best English.  
  
"What should I do with this, Tsubasa-kun?" the girl asked.  
  
Wait a minute, she was supposed to greet him with the Vulcan salute, not  
that...  
  
***  
  
"What should I do with this, Tsubasa-kun?" asked Sarah a second time.  
Apparently someone had walked up to the table while he was zoned out.  
  
To his shock he found that it was Minako.  
  
"Please make sure it gets where it's supposed to go ok," the blonde  
pleaded. "I'm really desperate."  
  
That voice sounded familiar, he thought. And desperate? Hm...  
  
"Bachelorette?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
The surprised look on Minako's face probably looked something like the one  
that was on his own face. "Bachelor Number Two? That's you?"  
  
"Yeah. That was kinda fun, going on that show," Tsubasa said with a grin.  
"Too bad you didn't get to pick Three; I could tell you were going to."  
  
"Who was he? Can you tell me, please?"  
  
"Sorry, I promised that I wouldn't tell." Well, that was technically true.  
He'd promised himself just a few seconds ago when he realized just how much Asai and  
Minako had in common.  
  
Minako sighed and turned to leave.  
  
"I'm sure you'll see him somewhere," he told her. She mumbled something and  
walked off.  
  
Tsubasa wanted to slap himself in the forehead, because Asai appeared at the  
table not ten seconds after Minako had walked away.  
  
The two exchanged pleasantries like they did whenever they saw one another,  
then Tsubasa quickly informed Asai that he'd gotten word that the Bachelorette went  
to Juuban. Asai could not have handed over his Datamatch form any quicker. The young  
man who played volleyball seemed to skip down the hallway, in the exact opposite  
direction that Minako had gone. Too bad it wasn't volleyball season.  
  
"What was that about?" the gaijin asked him after it was all over.  
  
He hoped she didn't notice the blush. "Eh... it's a long story."  
  
***  
  
ONE WEEK LATER  
  
The table was in the same place in the same hallway, with the same sign  
hanging behind it. Although the sign had suffered from some graffiti, as all signs do  
in high schools - someone had written obscene phrases about the gaijin in a couple of  
places, which Tsubasa dutifully scratched out.  
  
Though, on this particular week, rather than getting forms from students, the  
table staffers were collecting money and handing back results.  
  
When Minako approached the table, bounced probably being a more accurate term for  
what she did, only Sarah was seated there, although the blonde wasn't sure why she was  
alone.  
  
"Your name, please?" Sarah asked with a smile.  
  
"Aino Minako at your service!" Minako called out so loud that everyone in the  
hallway turned to look at her.  
  
"Hm... Minako, Minako..." the exchange student rifled through form after form  
within the box with the Datamatch results, checked twice, and thrice, even, but she  
did not find Minako's form. "I don't see it in the box..."  
  
The blonde mumbled, "Lost... just like my dreams of finding a boyfriend..."  
Tears running down her cheeks, and holding back sobs, she ran off.  
  
Tsubasa walked up to the table just then, wiping his hands on his pants to dry  
them off after washing them in the bathroom. "What was that about?"  
  
"I was looking for her form, but I couldn't find it," Sarah replied.  
  
"What name did she give you?" Tsubasa asked. Knowing the blonde, she might even  
somehow give the wrong name.  
  
"Aino Minako. So I looked all through the box for Minako, but there are no  
Minako sheets..."  
  
If it hadn't happened to someone that he knew, Tsubasa would have laughed. "I  
think you forgot that in Japan, people give their last names first, Sarah-chan."  
  
"Oh, no..." This certainly negatively impacted the girl's mood, knowing that  
she might have wrecked someone else's shot at romance.  
  
The young man had fished Minako's sheet (from the 'A' section) out and was  
looking at it. Not surprisingly, the number one match line said: KAYAMA ASAI 100.  
Though it was a bit surprising that was the only match listed. "Hey, Sarah-chan, could  
you pull out the sheet for Kayama Asai?"  
  
She started looking in the 'A' section before he corrected her, and she fished  
out Asai's sheet from the 'K' section. The number one match line said: AINO MINAKO 100.  
And it was also the only match listed. He folded the sheet up and stuck it in his back  
pocket.  
  
"I've never seen that before," Sarah commented as she fidgeted with her dirty  
blonde hair.  
  
"Me, neither," was all Tsubasa could manage to say on that subject, mostly because  
he was thinking about something else. "Uh, S-Sarah-chan?" he stammered, quietly, but loud  
enough to get her attention. "Do y-you think y-you'd, uh, like to g-get t-together for  
l-lunch some t-time and work on your Ja-Japanese, maybe?"  
  
His companion's face lit up. "Why, Tsubasa-kun! Are you asking me out on a date?"  
  
"Well, I, uh... er, that is... well, yes."  
  
"I'd love to!" And she leaned over and gave the geek a hug.  
  
Tsubasa wasn't exactly a believer in Fate. To paraphrase Han Solo, he'd seen a lot   
of things, and none of them led him to believe that there was some all-powerful Fate   
controlling everything. But this sure took the cake.  
  
***  
  
"I can't believe they lost your Datamatch results, Asai-kun," the old woman said,   
her voice for once twinged with a bit of irritation.  
  
"Neither can I, Grandma... it's just weird," said Asai. He didn't really want to   
talk about it, so the young man just went and did his homework.  
  
Shoga had Maxwell and Rembrandt lead her into the living room, where she sat down to  
do some serious thinking. It had been a long time since she had almost directly put her hand  
in on making a match and the effort did not succeed in short order. A very long time indeed.  
Before it was just fun and games, but now the old woman was taking it personally. This was  
war. Two months, she decided, was far long enough to have been goofing around. She'd work on  
a plan to take the initiative, and by the kami that plan would work, or she wasn't blind!  
  
***  
  
If a week ago Minako's room had been a war zone, Artemis thought, then right now it  
is a waterworks. Of course, that was entirely due to Minako and her latest overreaction to  
her failure to find a valid boyfriend candidate. And really, he couldn't blame her, because  
this time she hadn't even done anything Minako-like to mess it up. Sure, she'd been going a  
bit crazy with the flak helmet and jacket, but it wasn't her fault the form got lost   
somehow.  
  
He had to admit that he felt bad for her, because although he relished his own   
bachelor status (and still couldn't figure out how he and Luna were going to get together,   
even having seen his daughter from the future) he knew that teenage human girls just   
weren't like that. He even felt so bad that he was going to go to Shoga as soon as possible   
and get something in motion.  
  
As he heard Minako begin another round of sobbing, a thought suddenly occurred to   
him.  
  
For all of the insanity that Minako had been through in her search for a boyfriend,   
it would pale in comparison next to what she would be like once she actually HAD a   
boyfriend.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
This part really wrote itself from the bit where Usagi washes her hands onward. I wish that  
would happen more often.  
  
Moogle subscribes to a variant of the Alfred Hitchcock School of Self-Insertion. Did you see  
the bit part he gave himself in this chapter?  
  
Stay tuned for next time, when Shoga comes out from the shadows and starts working on her  
devious plot, as Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend continues!  
  
-End 


	7. Mission VI - Shoga's Master Plan

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (duncan@avenew.com)  
========  
  
As you can probably guess from reading all the preceding chapters of this very fictional   
work, we are basing this tale on many characters that we did not make up. That's right,   
folks - we did not make every single one of them up. The few we did make up, however,   
belong solely to us and are not to be used without our permission.   
  
This chapter, as all the chapters before it, is rated PG-13. But, hey, in this day and age,   
lots of little kids watch PG-13 movies, so I don't think you have much to worry about!  
  
***  
  
She awoke to a smiling blue sky and a twinkling yellow sun that fine Saturday   
morning, a morning that seemed as though it was filled with the hope and peace of the   
world. Blue eyes fluttered open and gazed up at the ceiling contentedly. Ah, what a   
wonderful world she lived in, so full of love and peace and -   
  
Aino Minako froze in mid-thought, her half-smile turning into a full and complete   
frown. The previous day's events had not been entirely lost to her normally happy mind, and   
she suddenly could find a very valid reason to be sad. Her eyes watered just thinking about   
it.  
  
She, ai no megami-sama herself, was doomed to never love.  
  
"Good morning, Minako!" smiled a certain white cat from his spot on the bedstand.  
Sighing, the girl rolled over on her side, back to her pet, and pursed her lips. Artemis   
frowned. He had really hoped that an evening of sobbing her woes out would solve all the   
teen's troubles, but how wrong he had been. It seemed she had gotten WORSE, instead of   
better.  
  
Clearing his throat, he padded around her pillow to sit right in front of her teary   
face. "Come on, Mina-chan, cheer up," he insisted, a scowl crossing his face as, once   
again, the girl rolled over and away from him. Fine, he decided, his inward resolve building  
up as he walked back over to the bedstand and sat down. As if on cue, Minako rolled BACK   
over onto her other side, completely avoiding her guardian.  
  
The cat shrugged. "Well, then, I guess I can't show you what was stuck in the door  
this morning..." he tempted her, laying down on the white envelope that, just minutes   
before, he had set down on her bedside table. "Too bad. It looks REALLY interesting to   
me..."  
  
Slowly - very, VERY slowly - the blonde sat up and glanced dubiously at her cat.   
"Something was stuck in the door this morning?" she questioned with the arch of an eyebrow,  
curiousity lighting her face. "What was it?"  
  
Artemis shook his head. "Can't tell you," he responded, deadpan. "You're too busy   
being depressed and withdrawn to - "  
  
His words ended in an abrupt, alarmed mew as Minako unceremoniously tossed him off  
the table and picked up the envelope that he had been sitting upon. The name "Aino Minako"  
was written painstakingly across the front, as though someone had taken a VERY long time   
with it, forming each character perfectly.  
  
That was enough to turn the spark of curiousity into a full-fledged fire. The blonde   
ripped into the envelope almost immediately, totally ignoring her poor, white-furred pet who  
was laying helplessly on the floor.  
  
But perhaps it was good that she ignored him, because he was smirking rather   
obviously.  
  
"'Minako-chan,'" she read aloud, her blue eyes widening with every word, "'you are   
cordially invited to Chez Pierre restaurant tonight at eight o'clock in the evening for a   
very special date. Dress your best and ask for the reservation under K.S. The rest will be   
explained later.'"  
  
A squeal of delight rocked the small house just then, rattling the windowpanes and   
shaking the light fixtures as Minako hopped up on her bed and raised one hand to the sky.   
"Love has finally come to ai no megami!" she announced proudly, clutching the letter to her   
chest. "Tonight, Aino Minako is going on a REAL LIVE DATE!!!"  
  
"Minako!" scolded an annoyed voice from downstairs. "Try to keep it to a DULL roar  
this early in the morning, okay? The neighbors like to sleep in!"  
  
The blonde jumped off her bed and grinned despite the large sweatdrop running down  
her face. "Hai, oka-san!" she responded merrily, grabbing the cordless telephone and hitting  
the auto-dial button.   
  
As his charge began to chat excitedly to Usagi at speeds that were incomprehensible,  
Artemis sighed and shook his head. He had expected the letter to cheer the girl up, but to   
cheer her up THAT much.....?  
  
He glanced at the clock just in time to see the numbers switch from 7:59 a.m. to   
8:00. Twelve hours left, he told himself. Only twelve more hours of insanity.   
  
A FULL twelve hours of insanity.  
  
The cat hung his head. "Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission VI: The Master Plan  
  
***  
  
Shoga was not one of the neighbors who liked to sleep in on Saturday mornings. In   
fact, on Saturday mornings, Shoga liked to water her front flower bed. And that was exactly   
what she was doing when she heard Minako's squeal echo through her open bedroom window and   
out across the street. And the sound made the old woman smile.  
  
It wasn't surprising that the elderly neighbor of the Aino family knew exactly what   
was going on in the house across the street at moment. She had been visited by "Arty" late   
the night before, and he had already made the same decision she had:  
  
Time had come for them to take matters into their own hands.  
  
So they had busily written the letters that night, he composing them while she typed  
them up on her typewriter, and they jointly made reservations for dinner the next night at   
Chez Pierre. Yes, things were finally going their way, and - after months of crossed fingers  
and terrible near misses - the pieces were in play.  
  
The pieces were in play so well, in fact, that she was able to guess the exact   
moment that familiar footfalls began to echo down the front sidewalk and up to where she   
was standing, watering her rose bushes.  
  
"Grandma," sighed Asai, plopping down on the front steps and resting his chin in a   
hand, "I think we have a problem."  
  
With a secret, inward smile, the little old lady set down her watering can and   
strode over to sit beside her only grandchild. "Something's wrong, Asai-kun?" she questioned  
carefully, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. "Did you have a bad morning already?"  
  
He sighed and nodded, knowing full well that his companion couldn't see the subtle  
motion. "I received a letter this morning, right before I went on my run," he explained, the   
sheet of paper in question rustling as he pulled it from his back pants pocket. "It said   
that I'm supposed to go on some sort of date tonight, but... I'm not sure I want to."  
  
"Don't want to?" repeated the old woman, shock registering in her voice. "But all   
you've been thinking about lately is how badly you want to find the right girl, ne?" She   
leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, sightless eyes gazing out at the street   
before her. "Well, Asai-kun, the girl for you is not just going to burst out her front   
door, announce she's going shopping, and take off down the sidewalk before your very eyes.   
She - "  
  
Shoga's kind-hearted advice was interrupted by the noise of a door opening rather   
loudly out onto the street. "Ja, Mama!" called the blonde across the street, waving   
furiously at the front door. "I'm going shopping with the girls!" The door slammed loudly   
as the girl took off down the sidewalk at a furious pace.  
  
The old woman grew silent and considered the irony. Life was still worth living,  
after all.  
  
Asai blinked in confusion. "Ne, wasn't that Aino Minako?" he thought aloud, not   
really directing the inquiry toward anyone.   
  
"Ah, my dear, you forget that your old grandmother is blind," she chided the young   
man, repremanding him with nothing more than soft pat on the head. "Now, come inside. I know  
a few young people who will be more than happy to help you pick out some new clothes for  
this mystery date of yours."  
  
Sighing, the volleyball player shrugged and stood, following his grandmother inside.  
Sometimes, it was much better to just NOT ask.  
  
***  
  
The three girls walked up and down the aisle of the apartment store, scanning the   
area for anything interesting-looking that might be availible.  
  
"Ne, ne, Minako-chan," insisted the brunette after a good five minutes of complete   
and utter silence between the three of them, "you STILL haven't told us what kind of clothes  
we're looking for - " She turned discreetly toward the odango-headed blonde at her side and   
winked. " - or why we're looking for it."  
  
Usagi wagged a scolding finger at her friend, as though she was completely clueless  
to what a wink meant to the subtle members of the universe. "Mako-chan, we're shopping for   
Minako's blind date tonight!" she reminded her friend sternly. "How could you have forgotten  
already?"  
  
As the Makoto facevaulted straight into the tile floor of the store, Minako turned   
toward the senshi of the moon and frowned. "How did you know about my date?" she questioned  
suspiciously. "I hadn't told anyone yet except Artemis."  
  
"Actually," recovered the third teen smoothly as she picked herself up off the   
floor, "Artemis called Usagi and I to tell us about it as soon as you ran out of the house   
to come get us. I was just playing dumb to see if you would tell us about it."  
  
Blinking, Usagi shook her head furiously. "No way, Mako-chan! You KNOW that - OW!!!"  
  
Makoto chose that particular moment to step HARD on the blonde's foot. "So, what  
are we looking for?" she asked, ignoring the screams of agony from their pained companion as  
they poked around the women's department idly. "Shy? Sexy? S - "  
  
"Ai no megami," stated Minako with a curt nod, pulling out shirt after shirt from a   
large rack and dumping them messily on the floor as soon as she glanced at them for the   
first time. "It's a little bit of everything with being absolutely nothing at the same   
time."  
  
"So you want to make sure you look REALLY good?" questioned Usagi, obviously fully  
recovered as she popped up beside the other two senshi. Her blue eyes narrowed slightly as   
she examined her blonde friend. "Are you SURE you're not after my Mamo-chan?"  
  
The brunette let roar a loud groan of annoyance and turned toward the rabbit of the  
moon, her fists clenched at her sides. "For the love of the kami, Usagi-chan, no one is out   
to steal your precious Mamo-chan!" she shot, voice echoing across the store as she glowered   
down at the blinking blonde. "I don't think anyone would WANT to, what with his tendency to   
be the mainstay of evil plotting, the fact he ends up having a REALLY annoying daughter, his   
'pretty boy' attitude, and everything else that goes into his TOTALLY two-dimensional   
personality!"  
  
Silence washed over the department store as Tsukino Usagi stared up at the fuming   
senshi of Jupiter. Then, she smiled and flashed the taller girl a v-for-victory sign. "As   
long as Minako-chan isn't trying to take him!" she assured her friend in her normal,   
air-headed way. "But we should better FIND Minako-chan, because I think she just wandered   
off on us!"  
  
She turned to walk off, then blinked suddenly. "Wait a minute. Did you just call my  
daughter *annoying*?"  
  
Picking her jaw up off the floor, Makoto sighed, shook her head, and followed Usagi  
across the women's department.  
  
***  
  
"I really appreciate this," Asai insisted with an embarrassed smile as he followed   
the two teen girls through the virtual maze of clothing, "but I don't see why you're   
helping me. I mean, aren't you both Minako-chan's friends?"  
  
"No, NO!" retorted Hino Rei with an enormous smile, pausing in their trek across the   
women's department to turn around and wave a hand at the young man. A small sweat drop   
materialized on her temple, but she ignored it and pressed on. "We're friends of your   
grandmother's, and we were more than happy to aid her - I mean, YOUR - quest to find the   
perfect young woman."  
  
Her blue-haired companion nodded urgently, a smile crossing her plesant face as she  
spoke. "And what better way to do such a thing that going on a blind date?" she questioned  
with a plesant smile. "We both have boyfriends and know just what girls are looking for in  
a man's garb. Honest."  
  
Rei snickered slightly. "Well, unless you're like Ami and have a thing for briefs,"   
she put in, her voice soft enough so only her fellow senshi could hear.  
  
Ami turned three shades of red. "R-Rei-chan!" she stammered, forcing herself to look  
at the ground and therefore supress her blush...at least, a little. "How did you know that?"  
  
"We ALL know that the password to your online journal is 'urawa6pt5,' Ami-chan,"   
returned the Shinto with a wink. "You'd be surprised how much we all know."  
  
The genius would have ventured a witty retort had Asai not stopped in the middle of  
the main aisle and pointed to his left. "Isn't Men's this way?" he ventured bravely,   
interrupting the battle of the femmes.  
  
Rei glanced around and nodded quickly. "Gomen!" she apologized with a small chuckle.  
"I'm so used to wandering around the Women's department that I had forgotten which way it  
is to men's." She glanced disdainfully at a nearby rack of shirts. "Some people have no   
manners when shopping," she sighed with a shake of her head. "They need to learn."  
  
And then, the trio started off to the Men's section.  
  
***  
  
"Do you think that they have any clue what's going on?" questioned the young man   
nervously from his seat in the arm chair. Well, "young man" was a complete and total lie; he  
was actually a white-furred, blue-eyed, run-of-the-mill housecat - then again, run-of-the-  
mill was a lie, too - but this fact seemed utterly lost on his companion for brunch-time   
tea... At least, he HOPED it was a fact that was lost on the old woman.  
  
Shoga laughed and shrugged her shoulders, setting down her teacup on the coffee  
table as she did so. "I think that Minako-chan is too excited to care while my grandson is   
too nervous." She frowned slightly. "Arty, what time is it?"  
  
Artemis glanced up at the wall clock and sighed. "Only 11:26," he answered her,   
wrinkling his nose as he did so. "That leaves us with a full eight-and-a-half hours to go."  
  
She nodded. "Very good," she responded with a small smile as she reached forward to   
pick up her cup and take another sip of her beverage. "Now, let's just hope that the girls   
are all having luck keeping our lovebirds apart, ne?"  
  
***  
  
"I STILL can't find anything I like!" whined Minako insistantly, stomping a foot as   
she and her two friends returned to the very pile of clothes they had started out at. "It   
seems like the trademark Perfect Dress still alludes me!" She sighed, falling to her knees   
in front of the mass of shirts. "Oh, woe is me!"  
  
Rolling her green eyes, Makoto waved a hand at her friend. "Yare yare, it's just a   
date, not a royal ball or some such." She smiled and patted the blonde on the shoulder. "I'm   
sure you'll find just what you're hoping to find, Minako-chan."  
  
Blue, teary eyes gaped up at her, wide and full of sorrow as Minako looked to her   
friend. "It is not just a date, Mako-chan," she professed, folding her hands in some sort of   
perverse prayer. "It is the key to my happiness! Ai no megami cannot rest until she has   
found her perfect prince!"  
  
Usagi wiped a tear from her eye and dabbed her nose with a handkerchief.   
"Beautiful," she sniffled, gazing down at the ever-dramatic senshi on the floor. "Just   
beautiful!"  
  
Sweatdropping, Makoto shook her head. "Yare yare."  
  
"But wait!" Suddenly, Minako was on her feet and tearing across the aisle toward a   
display of dresses that they had previously overlooked. "The light of hope shines throughout   
the galaxy!"  
  
The odango-headed blonde glanced up at her friend in confusion. "Ne, do you think  
that Minako had a little too much soda today?" she asked softly, so the excited senshi of   
love wouldn't overhear.  
  
Her companion sighed and shook her head. "Somehow," she responded, "I think it would  
have to be something a lot stronger than soda..."  
  
***  
  
"I THOUGHT menswear was to the left," sighed Asai as the trio of girls stopped in   
front of a dress display, utterly lost. They had wandered the department store for nearly   
ten minutes, and yet it seemed as though they hadn't left the women's section at all.   
"Maybe it was to the right?"  
  
"I'm SURE it's to the left!" insisted Rei with a scowl. "It can't just MOVE, can   
it?"  
  
Ami straightened to her tip-toes, peering over the sea of clothing racks and   
mannequins. "I actually think it's up by the front door," she replyed, pointing to the huge   
"MEN" sign that hung from the ceiling a good fifty feet away. "I don't see how we missed   
it, though."  
  
Asai rolled his dark eyes. "As if I didn't already HATE shopping," he muttered   
under his breath, "this has just made everything more un - "  
  
He froze, his eyes riveted to the dress display they had stopped in front of, as   
though he had just noticed it for the first time.  
  
The dark-haired Shinto smiled and nodded at his reaction to the dress in the   
display, resting an elbow on his shoulder as she looked up at it. "The Ainako Megami   
Collection," she explained to him, gesturing at the glittering navy gown before them.   
"Expensive, but beautiful, ne?"  
  
"They say that Ainako Megami is a genius designer," pointed out the blue-haired one  
helpfully, her hands folded at her waist as she joined her two companions in front of the   
display. "Her first few designs sold impossibly quick. Though, I'm sure it's obvious why   
they would be so popular...."  
  
"But we don't have time for this!" insisted Rei as she seized the senshi of water by  
the wrist and started to drag her away from the dress display. "It's almost noon, and we've   
gotten absolutely NOTHING done!"  
  
As he took one last look at the dress, Asai smiled slightly. If he could have any   
wish in the world, he decided at that moment, it would be for his date to wear that very   
gown.  
  
Sighing, he followed the girls toward the front of the store. Some wishes we just   
not meant to be realized...  
  
***  
  
"It's GORGEOUS!" grinned Minako excitedly, bouncing out of the dressing room with an  
elated grin plastering her face. The navy gown, a strapless, glittering gown that hugged   
each of her curves perfectly, shimmered in the neon lighting of the store.   
  
Makoto looked down at the tag and turned colors. "Minako, this isn't just a DRESS,"  
she announced, oggling the price with wide eyes. "This is a Ainako Megami! It's just under   
50,000 yen!"  
  
Giggling, Usagi nudged her friend in the ribs with an elbow. "Isn't that funny,   
Minako?" she questioned with a blue-eyed wink. "You're the ai no megami, and the designer's   
name is Ainako Megami! It's like you were SUPPOSED to get this dress!"  
  
The blonde's eyes went starry as she clutched both hands to her chest and sighed  
wistfully. "It's destiny, then," she cooed, a dreamy expression crossing her face. "I have   
no choice but to buy this one gown."  
  
"Don't encourage her, Usagi!" snapped Makoto, but it was already too late. Minako   
had dumped out the contents of her purse on the ground and was looting through it, piling   
up all her paper money.  
  
After a moment of silence (and a lot of counting on her fingers), Minako jumped up   
with her fists full of 100, 1000, and 2000 yen notes. "I have almost 45,000 yen! How much do   
you guys have?"  
  
Usagi dug into her pockets and pulled out a few bills. "I have 1000!" she announced,  
glancing expectantly at the brunette beside her.  
  
Makoto's eyes widened to astronomical proportions as two sets of bright blue eyes   
settled on her face. "Hell no!" she spat at them, taking a wary step backward as they stared  
her down. "I've had to prune a lot of bushes to earn the little bit of cash I have!"  
  
"But this is DESTINY!" echoed the two blondes, morphing into their often freaky   
"twin" mode as they spoke. "You cannot meddle with DESTINY!"  
  
The brunette readied herself for an arguement, but then gave up and shook her head  
helplessly. Digging into her pocket, she pulled out a 10,000 yen note. "If this doesn't pay   
for the rest of it," she mumbled half-heartedly, "I don't know what will."  
  
Cheering echoed across the store as the duo of blondes glomp-hugged Makoto around  
the waist and began to blather nonsense about how greatful they BOTH were.  
  
"I just hope this stupid plan works," sighed she as Usagi rushed to help Minako out  
of "The Perfect Dress." "Otherwise, I'm going to have to skin Artemis alive."  
  
***  
  
"How long could it POSSIBLY take a guy to order a cup of coffee?" muttered Rei   
irritably, glancing down at her watch. "It's nearly 4:30, and you KNOW that Minako is going   
to want us to come over to her house and see her off."  
  
Ami smiled induligently and shrugged her slender shoulders. "I'm actually starting   
to want to see how this all turns out," she admitted with a slightly embarassed smile. "I   
mean, sure, it's meddling in other people's business, but it's probably good for them both."  
  
"What's good for who?" questioned a frighteningly familiar voice, and both senshi   
leapt a mile into the air, pressing their backs into the front window of the coffee shop.   
Minako adjusted her sunglasses on her nose, peering down at them suspiciously. "Are you two   
up to no good again?"  
  
Furrowing her brow, Makoto watched as Minako wiggled her glasses a second time.  
"Must be taking lessons from Ami," she thought aloud, though her comment was lost on the   
others.  
  
"Of COURSE we're not up to anything bad!" lied Ami with a wave of her hands, face  
turning bright pink. "We were just talking about... Uhm... We were talking about...   
Rei-chan!"  
  
The dark-haired one sweatdropped. "SMOOTH, Ami-chan," she mumbled with a shake  
of her head. "REAL smooth..."  
  
"You were talking about Rei-chan?" questioned Usagi with a cock of her head.  
  
Everyone else present upended to the floor.  
  
Bouncing back to her feet, Minako-chan glowered dubiously at the fire senshi, her   
blue eyes narrowing to slits as she stared Rei down. "You were talking about SOMEONE,   
weren't you?" she growled almost angrily. "Who?"   
  
"We were talking about Unazuki-chan, if you MUST know," sighed the priestess with a   
shrug, her purple eyes rolling in annoyance as she spoke. "Her latest boyfriend dumped her,   
and we've been trying to find her a new one for a while. Doesn't seem to be working,   
though."  
  
The bow-headed blonde grinned maniacly, as though Rei had just presented the group  
with the greatest idea in the history of mankind. "Good for you!" she praised, clapping the   
other teen on the back. "I'm glad that ai no megami has rubbed off on you!" She paused and   
glanced into the coffee shop with a raised eyebrow. "Be right back!" she announced rather   
loudly, bouncing through the propped-open door. "I think I need an iced tea!"  
  
"No!" Ami called after her, but it was too late. She was already through the door   
and hopping over to the counter. The group watched in horror as she got in the long line and  
began to look around, taking in her surroundings with a surprising innocence.  
  
Makoto frowned and glanced at the blue-haired girl. "He's in there, isn't he?" she   
asked softly, so only Ami could hear.  
  
The other nodded curtly, frowning as she glanced around the cafe. "But I don't see   
him," she realized. "Do you?"  
  
"He's GONE!" Rei exclaimed, turning around to lean her back against the front   
picture window. "Man, and our ONLY goal was to keep an eye on him!" She moved to glare at   
the odango-headed teen. "This is all YOUR fault, you know!"  
  
"MY FAULT?" blinked Usagi, incredulous against the accusations that had just flown   
her way. "Why is it MY fault that he got away from you, hmmm?"  
  
"It's not that he got AWAY, baka, but that you brought Minako here in the first   
place!" shot back the miko with a toss of her long hair. "You should have known that   
disaster was going to hit if she saw us! I'm surprised that she doesn't know everything   
yet!"  
  
Usagi frowned and stuck out her tongue, blowing a raspberry at her dark-haired   
friend. Rei blew a raspberry back, and it slowly turned from being an arguement to being a   
raspberry-blowing contest.  
  
Sighing, the brown-haired senshi buried her face in her hands. "Yare yare," she   
muttered with a shake of her head.  
  
"What's going on?" questioned a voice, and all four sets of eyes turned to see Asai  
standing before them, nursing a large iced tea. He blinked at the reaction he recieved. "Did  
I miss something?"  
  
"Oh, they're just always like that!" insisted Ami, stepping forward to push the   
young man down the street. "But we'd better hurry! You've only got a few short hours to get   
ready!"  
  
Rei and Ami bustled off with their charge for the evening, and it was only as they   
turned the corner that Minako, grinning, bounced out of the cafe...with a large iced tea,   
just as she had promised. "That was fun!" she announced with a grin. "There was a really   
cute checker!"  
  
"Come on, Minako-chan," sighed Makoto with a shake of her head, still in awe by the   
number of near-misses the crew had experienced that day. "Time to go home."  
  
***  
  
"No, THIS lipstick!"  
  
"Minako, that's neon pink!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Does neon pink go with navy?"  
  
"Duh, Mako-chan! Of course!"  
  
"Usagi, you're REALLY not helping, here...."  
  
Artemis sighed from his spot on Minako's bed as he watched the three girls bustle   
about her bedroom, trying desperately to get her ready for that night's big date. They had   
arrived home promptly at 5:00 p.m. with the blonde's Perfect Dress (perfectly expensive,   
Artemis had decided with a frown after catching a glance of the price tag - he was praying   
that she still had enough spare cash for cat chow) bagged and ready to be worn. Then, they   
had gone about doing her hair... And picking out jewelry... And making sure the dress fit   
PERFECTLY...  
  
The clock switched over to 7:32 p.m., and the cat scowled something awful. If they   
didn't hurry up, Minako would be late to her own dream date!  
  
"I got it!" announced the goddess of love as she pulled a tube of bright purple lip   
gloss from her vanity and tossed it to Usagi. "Don't you think it's perfect?"  
  
Makoto frowned, not quite sure what to say. "Uhm, is electric violet really a date   
color, Minako-chan?" she questioned, raising her eyebrows. "Because, I mean, it's NICE, but   
- "  
  
"You know what they say when you're going on a date!" scolded the blonde as she took   
back her lipstick and began to apply it. "You need something old, something new, something   
bookish, and something purple!" She paused, frowning a bit. "Or is it something brown and   
something prickly?"   
  
All three of her companions - the cat included - just groaned and said nothing.  
  
Blotting her lipstick on a tissue, Minako turned around to glance at her friends.   
"How do I look?" she questioned smiling flirtily. "Do I pull off the 'ai no megami' look,   
or no?"  
  
For the first time that evening, Artemis - all cynicism put aside - actually looked   
at the teen before him. With her curve-hugging dress, slightly-curled blonde hair, and   
bright, excited smile, she DID look the part of the goddess of love. He smiled proudly at   
her, tears coming to his eyes unexpectedly. "Oh, Mina-chan," he gushed, all the adoration   
of a loving father in his voice. "You look absolutely b - "  
  
"OH NO!!!" came the sudden exclaimation from Minako-chan as she finally took one   
good look at the clock. "I'm going to be late! NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!"  
  
Less than thirty seconds later, she was running down the street to the bus stop, her   
hair and gown flying behind her like a cape of sorts.  
  
Makoto glanced at Usagi, Usagi glanced at the cat, and the cat glanced back at the   
brown-haired girl.  
  
Then, three voices united in one universally expressive phrase.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Shoga smiled as she heard Minako go screaming down the street just in time to catch   
her bus to Chez Pierre. The evening was warm and summery, the first truly warm night they   
had had all spring. Sighing contently, the old woman leaned back in her seat on the front   
porch and took a long sip of her tea.  
  
"Everything went well, I think," commented a female voice, and the old woman didn't   
need eyes to see that all four of Minako-chan's friends were standing before her, grinning.  
  
"I think so too," responded the grandmother of one with a small half-smile. "Now,   
all we have to do is hope that everything works out perfectly."  
  
Usagi made some sort of strange, wistful sound, and the group all turned to see the   
blonde staring starry-eyed at the sky. "It reminds me of how Mamo-chan and I met," she   
sighed wistfully, her smile all half-formed and mushy. "So romantic."  
  
Frowning, Rei glanced curiously at her friend. "Usagi-baka, you met Mamoru-san when   
you threw a balled-up test at his face."  
  
As Makoto, Ami, and Shoga all laughed, the blonde turned red and tossed her   
ponytails a bit. "Well, a girl can dream, can't she?" she insisted haughtly. "You're just   
jealous because *I* got the guy and you didn't!"  
  
"Usagi-chan," Ami said, exasperated, "we both got guys, too..."  
  
The argument continued, and Shoga found herself concealing a secret smile. "Just   
like my friends were when I was Minako-chan's age," she chuckled softly enough that the   
girls couldn't hear her. "JUST like them."  
  
***  
  
She found herself staring at a shaking menu, and it took her a good three minutes to   
figure out that it wasn't the menu that was shaky but her own two hands. Silently, she   
berated herself for her own nervousness. After all, she was going to find true love at that   
restaurant, or her title wasn't ai no megami-sama!  
  
But the bittersweet memories of all her failures flooded her mind as she tried to   
decipher the fancy French names that covered the menu. Like her dogwalking plan, her   
clubbing attempt, her stint on Blind Date, her newspaper ad that only nabbed her a stalker,   
and her missing datamatch. It seemed almost as though Fate had her cards stacked completely   
against the senshi of Venus, not a feeling that the blonde particularly liked.  
  
The Goddess of Love - known to most as that carefree high school student, Aino   
Minako - took a small sip of her complementary water and sighed. "Pull yourself together,"   
she scolded herself softly so that none of the other restaurant patrons could hear. "This   
time, it really WILL be true love." She frowned slightly, wrinkling her nose. "Or, I hope."  
  
Then, as if on cue, a low, male voice - a voice that was, for some reason,   
strangely familiar to the blonde - chimed up out of the blue. "Is this the table reserved   
for K.S.?" questioned the stranger softly.  
  
Minako raised her eyes just a bit over the menu to glance at the stranger.  
  
The gasp silenced all conversation in the restaurant.  
  
*** (End of Mission VI)  
  
What a bitch of a cliffhanger! We're both really sorry for having to do that to everyone,  
but it was necessary to tell the story.  
  
Stay tuned for next time when Minako tries to keep her rampant bad luck from affecting her  
date as her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend at last draws to a close!  
  
-End 


	8. Mission VI.V - Real Life's Blind Date

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (duncan@avenew.com)  
========  
  
Though we find our wacky tale racing towards a conclusion, that does not make the characters  
we've been borrowing herein any more ours than they were at the start of things. Nor are we  
making money, or any of that other stuff that might make fanfiction bad. Cracking down on  
fanfiction makes babies cry.  
  
We're PG-13 here, once more. I've not exactly figured out why, but it's better to play it  
safe than sorry.  
  
***  
  
When it came down to it, Artemis was pretty darn pleased with himself. Here he was,  
sitting in an old woman's house across the street, pretending to be a human since the woman  
was blind and knew no better. Not coincidentally, it was also while his charge happened to  
be on a date with the woman's grandson - who, not coincidentally, was once saved by his  
charge in her hero form.  
  
On top of all of that, it had really been Artemis who had done so much of the work  
behind-the-scenes for the whole thing, ever since he accidentally met the woman on that  
fateful day when Minako decided to go insane and try to find dogs to walk all over Tokyo. It  
had been Artemis who found out about the grandson, Artemis who told the rest of the Senshi,  
Artemis who helped plan the "blind" date of that particular evening.  
  
Not that Artemis actually expected to get any credit for any of this. He was well  
used to that reality, of being one of only two males in a female-dominated circle of  
friends. Especially considering that one of those females happened to be royalty, and that  
none of the girls who had boyfriends were willing to take out their mean streaks on those  
lucky fellows... which meant the default outlet for such estrogen-induced rages was a   
certain white cat. Which meant that an acknowledgment of his recent efforts was highly  
unlikely, and he'd simply be scolded again next time he did something perceived as bad  
behavior.  
  
The lack of difference between his own treatment by them and the treatment of every   
other male cat in the world was certainly not lost on him.  
  
All of this made Artemis' ability to interact with the old woman that much more  
liberating.  
  
"So, Arty," the woman said after a few seconds of silence, "you've never quite  
explained to me just how you know Minako-chan."  
  
The tone of the old lady's tinny voice would have made Artemis wary, but this was an  
old blind woman! What could he possibly have to fear from her? "I've just been keeping an  
eye on her for the last few years," he replied. Well, it was truthful, just with a couple of  
omitted bits of information. Or maybe more than a couple.  
  
"It must have been a hectic few years," she offered innocently.  
  
"No kidding," the cat came back. "You have no idea how hard it is keeping tabs on a  
se- er, seriously active teenage girl and her friends."  
  
He heard a chuckle come from the old woman's direction. He wasn't really looking at  
her to see her face. "I can imagine," she said softly. "Remember, I am a grandmother."  
  
Artemis very much wanted to point out that he sort of knew what she meant, having  
lived in a kingdom a thousand years ago, but that wouldn't exactly have fit in with the  
current conversation. Or really any conversation that he was likely (or unlikely) to have   
with the old woman.  
  
Once more his thoughts turned to Minako, as he found himself wondering what sorts of  
disasters might befall the young woman who was more of a daughter to him than his own  
daughter. Then again, the fact that his daughter was from the future probably had something  
to do with that. Back to Minako, he could almost picture debacle after scene after disaster  
raining down on the poor girl. Largely because she was Minako. Half of it was beget by her  
own klutziness, the other half by what could only be described as an obsession by the kami  
to toy with her.  
  
At that moment he looked over at the old woman, who was smiling at him. But it was a  
smile that he usually only saw when one of the girls had something they were about to say  
that they knew was about to make him very, very uncomfortable. Yes, the cat decided, it was  
time to blow that catnip factory.  
  
"I'm very sorry," he began, "but I think I have to get back home, so I can do some  
things before Minako-chan gets home and tells me about her date." Close enough to the truth.  
Sort of.  
  
The cat jumped down from the chair and padded past the old woman on his way out of  
the house. As he walked past her, she reached down and scratched him behind his ears.   
"You're such a faithful guardian, Artemis," she said, very amused.  
  
Ah, how good it felt! To be scratched behind the ears, and complimented as a  
guardian on top of that!  
  
Artemis took a few more steps before those last couple of thoughts sunk in. The  
woman was blind. She had scratched him behind the ears, so she knew he was a cat. She called  
him by his full name, and she knew he was a guardian to Minako. Slowly he spun and faced the  
old woman, who must have heard him do so because she smiled wider.  
  
The cat hung his head. This was going to take a lot of explaining.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
Mission VI.V: Real Life's Blind Date  
  
***  
  
He found himself staring at the shaky invitation, and it took him about three  
minutes to realize that the shaking he was seeing was the result of his own hands shaking,  
not the invitation itself. Which was an odd thing for the young man, as he wasn't really one  
to get nervous easily, being an athlete as he was. But he tried to calm himself down. Some  
small part of him, however irrational it might be, tried to convince him that some greater  
powers were at work here.  
  
No easy task, considering his previous luck, or lack thereof, with girls. Why, he'd  
tried to go to clubs looking for girls, and found none. He'd gone on TV's Blind Date, hoping  
to be the winner, and that bachelorette didn't get to pick anyone because some psycho ran  
into the studio - and the other contestants were sure that she would pick him, too. His  
grandmother had tried to get him to call a girl who had put out a newspaper ad, but the dogs  
ripped it to shreds except for the last four digits. And his most recent failure, where he'd  
filled out his Datamatch form and it was somehow lost.  
  
Asai took a deep, cleansing breath, trying to get all of that nervousness out of his  
system. Failing miserably, he settled for putting his shaking hands into his pockets, so  
they wouldn't be visible.  
  
"Can I help you, sir?" the hostess asked as he approached the seating podium.  
  
"I'm, uh, looking for the table reserved for K.S." As he said it, he wondered not  
for the first time just who K.S. was.  
  
The hostess smiled at him and pointed to a table about nine tables in, next to a  
window looking outside. "A young woman has already arrived there, sir. Enjoy your meal!"  
  
A young woman has already arrived there, he repeated to himself. Which meant that  
was his date. All he could tell about her was that she had blonde hair, a lot of it, from  
that far away. Again trying and failing to restrain his nervousness, he walked towards the  
table.  
  
As much as he wanted to get a look at the girl's face as he walked closer, he  
couldn't, because it was buried in the menu. But there was one thing that he could see. The  
dress that the young woman - whoever she was - was wearing, was the exact dress that he'd  
seen when those girls were shopping with him today. Oh, could his luck be so good?  
  
His feet had stopped moving, so he was belatedly aware that he was standing right  
next to the table. He nervously cleared his throat, then asked in a soft tone, "Is this the   
table reserved for K.S.?"  
  
The young woman lowered the menu a bit, or perhaps it was raised her head a bit.  
Asai matched the bright blue eyes he saw there with the unusually long and gorgeous blonde  
hair he'd seen earlier as he walked up. He knew without a doubt that Aino Minako was staring  
back at him.  
  
The gasp silenced all conversation in the restaurant.  
  
"Asai-kun?" asked the blonde incredulously. She blinked her blue eyes a couple of  
times, and Asai could tell that tears were forming.  
  
"Minako-chan," Asai said with no doubt whatsoever in his voice. He gave a smile that  
wiped every last bit of nervousness out of Minako's system.  
  
The girl smiled back, achieving the same effect on Asai. "I'm glad it was you," she  
whispered as a tear streaked down her cheek.  
  
"Me, too," whispered Asai as he took the seat across from the blonde.  
  
Conversation resumed as normal in the establishment as soon as the young man sat  
down in the chair. He picked up a menu and began flipping through it.  
  
Minako silently prayed to every deity from every religion that she knew of that her  
amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend might have finally come to a close.  
  
***  
  
An unusually large cardboard box sat smack in the middle of the dimly-lit street  
just around the corner from the Chez Pierre restaurant. Although there were none to be  
found, a casual observer might have noticed the unusually large box had several holes in the  
sides, and might have noticed that these holes also seemed to have eyes on the other side of  
them.   
  
And, since there were no casual observers, or any sort of observers, there was no   
one to notice as the unusually large box crept at random intervals through the street, onto   
the sidewalk, and up to one of the windows of the restaurant. It moved from window to window  
until eventually it settled in front of one of them.  
  
Considering the three occupants of said box and their usually differing goals, it  
was some small miracle that the unusually large cardboard box was able to be maneuvered to  
that particular window of that particular restaurant. And without the one who usually was  
their peacemaker; she opted not to participate in this particular crazy scheme.  
  
"I wonder why Ami-chan didn't want to come?" muttered one of the three.  
  
"Urawa's probably in town," snorted another, with a bit of jealosy evident in her  
voice.  
  
"Shh! I'm trying to watch Minako-chan, and I can't see with all of this talking!"  
the third admonished in a stage whisper.  
  
The unusually large cardboard box shook a bit as the other two - one blonde- and one  
black-haired girl - flipped to the ground. As they sat back up, they noticed Asai sitting  
down across from their friend, and all argument silenced.  
  
It wasn't that they were spying on Minako, they just wanted to make sure that  
everything went according to plan.   
  
None of them remembered that there was no plan. Which was probably for the better  
anyway, as the kami tend to have a generally negative opinion of plans.  
  
***  
  
As Minako discreetly tried to watch Asai look through his menu, she thought back on  
the luck that she had experienced since he had arrived. Why, absolutely nothing had gone  
wrong ever since he sat down at the table! She didn't reflect on the fact that only about  
fifteen seconds had passed, because that was but an insignificant detail in the grand  
scheme.  
  
"Hey, it's you! Hey, I know you!"  
  
The voice startled Minako. Somehow, before she turned around to see who the person  
shouting was, she had a sinking feeling that the person being addressed was her, and that  
she would recognize who she saw when she turned around...  
  
"Yes, it's me, alright," she replied half-heartedly.  
  
A girl with long, brown-gold hair was dragging a short, black-haired girl over  
towards her. Brown-gold seemed vaguely familiar to Minako, though she couldn't put her  
finger on where she'd seen the girl before; she was too busy thanking the kami that it  
wasn't one of her friends, anyway.  
  
"What are the odds of us running into one another again, huh?" Brown-gold asked,  
excitedly. "And in a place like this! Both of us with dates!"  
  
Minako noticed Black Hair rolling her eyes, and wished she could do the same.  
Instead, she ended up blushing, as she noticed Asai was scrutinizing the conversation. "Fate  
is fate, I guess," she said, wincing inwardly at having to use such a corny line.  
  
Brown-gold bobbed her head. "Boy, is it!" she exclaimed, then launched into a very  
animated explanation of how she had come from meeting Minako on that bench to where she was  
today, on a date with someone at long last.  
  
As much as Minako wanted to be excited for the girl, she felt a growing sweatdrop on  
the back of her head because she really wanted to get back to her date with Asai. But she  
didn't exactly get an opportunity to say anything considering how fast the other girl was  
talking.  
  
Between the four pairs of eyes that belonged to those who were involved in the  
conversation in some capacity, not a single one ever noticed the waiter who was carrying  
over a pitcher of water, to refill Minako and Asai's glasses before taking their order. And  
the one pair of eyes belonging to the waiter never seemed to notice the very exaggerated  
gestures being made by the girl standing right next to Minako.  
  
The waiter, clean-cut, well-dressed, perfectly-postured, stepped up and held the  
pitcher towards the table. "Water, sir, madam?"  
  
Or at least, that's what he would have asked if the excitable girl standing near  
Minako hadn't picked the exact moment the waiter leaned forward to say, "I had been waiting  
THIS long!" and throw her arms out as wide as possible. It's what he would have asked if  
that particular motion hadn't knocked the pitcher of water right out of his hands and dumped  
about half of the contents right onto Asai's lap.  
  
Brown-gold offered a sheepish shrug.  
  
The poor waiter, who, through no fault of his own, had probably just had his  
gratuity wiped out to nonexistant levels, tried his best not to miss a beat. "Are you ready  
to order, sir, madam?"  
  
***  
  
"If I didn't see it happen, I wouldn't believe it. Stuff like that doesn't happen  
to real live people," commented Makoto as she spied through one of the cut-out holes of the  
girls' box.  
  
"Unless you're Usagi-chan," Rei added with a smirk. "But then, if you're her, it's  
actually your fault."  
  
"Hey! I heard that!" protested their blonde leader.  
  
"I know, that's why it was funny," the priestess shot back.  
  
Usagi's response was a raspberry, which was followed in turn by a raspberry from  
Rei. The cycle likely would have continued had Makoto not shushed them.  
  
"Come on. We're here to make sure nothing goes wrong, not argue with one another,"  
the brunette admonished. She noticed the other two glaring at her. "What?" Then she recalled  
what had just happened and blushed. "Ehhh... I meant from, er, monsters! Yeah, that's the  
ticket!"  
  
Three sighs preceded three sets of eyes turning back to watch Minako's long-awaited  
date unfold.  
  
***  
  
As it turned out, when she wasn't knocking waiters' water pitchers onto the laps of  
Minako's date, and when she wasn't pulling out newspaper ads that Minako had taken out to  
attract boys, the brown-gold-haired girl really wasn't all that bad. Minako never got a name  
out of her, which was probably for the better anyway. The girl and her date left after the  
waiter finally was able to take Minako and Asai's drink orders.  
  
The blonde counted her lucky stars, and whatever other lucky objects that were  
available to count, that getting half a pitcher of cold water dumped into Asai's lap wasn't  
enough to scare him off. Why, it was almost as if he'd gone through as long of a search for  
a girlfriend as Minako had for a boyfriend! But that wasn't possible, she knew, so it must  
have been something else.  
  
She must have looked worried, because Asai grinned and said, "Don't worry about it.  
Stranger things have happened."  
  
That was true enough, the blonde realized. After all, she was on a date at long  
last!  
  
Minako did have to admit that things could be going better. Aside from what she'd  
said when she sat down, she hadn't really said anything to him yet. Which wasn't her fault,  
it was just that she wasn't sure what to say. She'd spent so much time on her amazingly  
fabulous search for a boyfriend that she wasn't sure what to do now that she might have one!  
  
"So, uh," she began tentatively, "how have you been since that last time we talked?"  
Mentally she kicked herself for saying such a stupid line.  
  
"Good, I guess," the young man replied sadly. "I've been keeping busy."  
  
Now Minako was ready to kick Asai for offering a statement that so easily killed the  
conversation. But fortunately her rational side reminded her that would most likely bring a  
quick end to the date, and make her have to launch her amazingly fabulous search for a  
boyfriend once more. Not something she wanted to do, at that point.  
  
"Hey, I've been meaning to ask, whatever happened to-"  
  
The question was interrupted by a male voice calling out, "Aino Minako? What a  
surprise running into you here!"  
  
The voice was familiar enough to the girl that she didn't immediately rule that it  
was some nutcase, though not familiar enough that she recognized Tsubasa before she turned  
around and saw who was standing there.  
  
On the other hand, Asai easily recognized the young man, having spent time on a  
certain game show with him. "Tsubasa! What are you doing here?"  
  
To say the least, Minako was just a little bit annoyed with the geeky fellow, as it  
was he who was in charge of the Datamatch tables, even if she recognized that he wasn't  
there when the form couldn't be found. Although she did know the gaijin who stepped out from  
behind Tsubasa was that very same girl. Minako flinched, but here was a couple on a date,  
and she knew she wouldn't want someone messing her date up on purpose...  
  
"I'm here with Sarah," Tsubasa announced proudly as the gaijin girl stepped forward.  
"I guess this is a popular night and place for dates."  
  
A fake smile plastered on her face, Minako replied, "It seems like it." She wanted  
to be nice to them, but considering the disaster that came from the last unexpected visitors  
to the table, she'd rather just have the rest of the date alone. For romance, of course.  
  
All four of them looked around, none saying a word, silence growing more awkward  
every second.  
  
Before walking over to the table, Tsubasa had reminded Sarah not to mention  
Datamatch at all, or TV's Blind Date, or any of the other near-misses that the two  
doubtlessly experienced on their crazy searches. Needless to say this seriously cut down on  
the number of potential subjects to discuss.  
  
Each passing moment caused Minako to lose more of the calm on her face, convinced as  
she was that the longer the two visitors stayed, the more likely it was that something would  
go wrong.  
  
Seeing that none of the others had anything to say, Tsubasa continued, "Sometimes,  
someone is sitting right between your fingers, and all you have to do is realize they're  
there."  
  
At this, Sarah giggled, a response that Minako and Asai both assumed was because  
Tsubasa was talking about he and Sarah. Neither paid close enough attention to the mirthful  
look on the geek's face as he made the observation to divine the true intent of the words.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, Minako saw their waiter, carrying a tray that seemed  
to consist of the appetizers they'd ordered. Panic struck her almost instantly.  
  
Accompanying the panic, time seemed to slow down. Asai's voice registered in slow  
motion; her date was offering an agreement to Tsubasa's statement. She also heard the soles  
of the waiter's shoes clack against the floor in a lethargic cadence, saw the tray of food  
getting closer.  
  
None of the others seemed to notice as sweatdrops grew across Minako's face and she  
started pantomiming biting her nails. They did hear her gasp at the very same instant Sarah  
reached out to put her arm around Tsubasa - which also coincided with the waiter stopping at  
the table adjacent to them, dropping off the appetizers.  
  
Minako tipped sideways out of her chair and landed on the floor.  
  
Asai's gaze shifted to her as she hit the floor. The look of concern on his face  
quickly transformed into one of pure shock and embarrassment.  
  
The blonde looked down herself, then looked at Asai and figured out where she was  
looking. The blind date couple began blushing at the same time.  
  
Trying oh-so-hard not to start laughing, Tsubasa and Sarah took the moment to bid  
their farewells and return to their own table.  
  
"Uh... sorry about that," Minako sheepishly offered.  
  
"It's okay..." murmered Asai, blushing even harder as his mind suddenly began a trek  
through the gutter.  
  
Were she aware of Asai's thoughts, in her current state of desperation Minako likely  
would have been flattered. Instead, she thought Asai was embarrassed and held her at fault  
for what happened. 'I've got a bad feeling about this,' she thought.  
  
***  
  
Outside the restaurant, the sound of three girls laughing rang throughout the  
street, emanating from one unusually large cardboard box in particular. The few pedestrians  
who were passing by gave the sidewalk a large berth, almost afraid of what might be inside.  
  
The box contained nothing more sinister than the three young women who were  
generating such laughter, insofar as sinister relates to spying on a friend as she goes on a  
blind date that the same three young women helped set her up with. Not that any of them  
would have admitted that they were spying on their friend; rather, they were keeping an eye  
out for any random wandering monsters. Which there hadn't been in six months, but that was  
entirely irrelevent as far as they were concerned.  
  
It changed in volume once or twice, as they observed Minako's antics with the  
approaching waiter, and eventually enough it grew quiet again.  
  
Quiet for a few seconds, at least, before someone decided to start talking so there  
was not an awkward silence.  
  
"Minako-chan would kill us if she knew we were doing this," observed Rei immediately  
after a conscience attack.  
  
"Who said she had to find out?" asked Makoto. "Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, if you know  
what I mean."  
  
"What do you mean?" chimed Usagi.  
  
Both Rei and Makoto sighed heavily. "Never mind," the miko said. "Just don't tell  
Mina-chan."  
  
Again the three turned back to watching their friend's date. A few more seconds  
passed before the silence was broken. Though, that was only Usagi asking, "Is it just me, or  
did Ami just walk past?"  
  
As the silence resumed, Makoto and Rei nodded.  
  
***  
  
It occurred to Minako a few seconds after the pair of sickeningly cute geeks  
retreated out of her field of vision, that she and Asai actually hadn't ordered any  
appetizers. But this slight oversight was nothing major for Minako - after all, she was  
still trying to nail down the end of her amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend!  
  
Once he'd dropped off the appetizers at the table over, the waiter stopped at her  
table to get their actual food orders. Minako said something, but she wasn't even really  
paying attention to what the orders were. As he stopped in front of them (coincidentally  
enough, the same moment that Usagi noticed Ami and Urawa walking past in the background,)  
she suddenly realized that this date was a disaster so far. They'd barely said any words to  
one another, and she'd accidentally flashed Asai! At this rate, he'd never want to go on a  
date with her again!  
  
That wouldn't do at all, Minako decided. Briefly she allowed herself to wonder what  
had ever made her let him get out of her sight in the first place. Which led to a pained  
reminder that, after she'd saved his life from the daimon, he'd just gone walking off with  
some other girl. Come to think of it, why did she never ask him what that was about? And  
why-  
  
"How has the whole saving the world thing gone since that one time?" asked the  
young man conversationally.  
  
-in the world was he just now bringing up that he knew she was Sailor Venus? Minako  
just gaped at him.  
  
For the first time since before he'd sat down, Asai grinned. "Didn't think I knew,  
huh? Well, nobody plays volleyball like you. I could tell from your feet that it was you."  
  
Minako found herself at a loss for words, a rare enough occasion that a more  
egotistical part of her mind was convinced that if she called up the presses, they'd make it  
a front page article. Whether or not that was true, she still had nothing to say to Asai,  
and judging from the smug look on his face, he was quite enjoying it.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't tell anybody. Besides, I've kept the secret this long!" Asai  
continued.  
  
Grudgingly, the girl had to concede that this was true. "Just a little surprised,  
sorr-"  
  
One interruption, Minako was willing to disregard just to move on with her date.  
Two, and she was fairly sure it was some strange coincidence. But when she heard Ami's voice  
call out, "Minako-chan! What a popular place this is, huh?", that was just stretching it too  
far. The kami were out to get here. There was no other explanation that she could think of.  
  
Not even bothering to stop the twitching of her eyebrow, she turned to face her  
friend who had apparently unconsciously sold her out for some future favor with the kami. In  
actuality, the first two meetings were nothing more than coincidence, and this third was  
arranged by a certain "K.S.", but if one were to tell Minako at that point she most likely  
would not have believed it anyway.  
  
"Ami-chan," the blonde said curtly.  
  
"I see you finally caught up to Asai," the genius said with a smile. It almost fell  
when she thought about what she'd just said and realized that might be giving things away,  
but there was no way that Minako was going to pick up on that.  
  
Then there was Asai, who was slowly starting to put together the puzzle that was  
that evening in his mind. "'Caught up to' might not be the best way to phrase it," the young  
man said. "Probably more like... stumbled across. In the middle of the darkest parts of the  
night, where both of us were blind."  
  
Ami started laughing at the mention of the word 'blind'. As much as she tried to  
control herself, she just couldn't do it. "Blind... yes, that is a better way to put it."  
As she turned to look from Asai to Minako, she noticed three sets of eyes in the window and  
sighed. 'I can't believe they actually did it,' she thought to herself.  
  
Minako had other plans than talking. She was melting. Asai was such a sweetie!  
Talking about stumbling across one another as though it was fated or something. Being the  
Goddess of Love, she certainly loved the idea of a fated love. If it weren't for the glasses  
of water on the table, the candles, and the flowers decorating it, she'd have probably leapt  
right across it in a flying glomp.  
  
Failing that, she decided a happy sigh would do. After that, try as she might, she  
just couldn't get mad at Ami. She couldn't even make some sort of snide comment about Ami's  
romantic life anymore, since most of those were usually jokingly mean, and not even jokingly  
could she get mad at her friend anymore. Or so she thought.  
  
Then the waiter appeared again, way off in the distance. With a salad tray. And the  
dressing they'd ordered was already on the salad.  
  
This she could tell because of her very acutely attuned disaster sense, something  
that she'd picked up quite easily between her time as a Senshi, and, much more recently, the  
uphill battle that had made up the entirety of her amazingly fabulous search for a  
boyfriend.  
  
Time didn't slow down, not with this appearance of the waiter. There was no point  
in it, because Minako knew there was no stopping disaster when the kami decided it was time  
to pay her a visit again.  
  
She turned back to face Ami. "So, Ami-chan, you're here with Urawa-kun?" Out of the  
corner of her eye, she noticed Asai sit back in his chair, amused. 'What's he grinning  
about?' she wondered to herself.  
  
"That's right," Ami replied, suddenly looking a lot less interested in talking to  
her friend. "Every girl likes a nice romantic date, Mina-chan."  
  
Minako was fairly certain her evening wasn't going to end the same as Ami's, but she  
managed to resist the temptation to make that particular observation.  
  
Likely this had something to do with the appearance of the waiter in her direct  
vision. He was still carrying the tray, except now the salads weren't on it. Wait a minute,  
that didn't make any sense...  
  
With an almost clinically-detached manner, she observed that the waiter actually  
wasn't standing up all the way. That was because, she noticed, someone had scooted their  
chair out right in front of him, which he then tripped over. But search as she might, she  
couldn't find the two salad plates-  
  
THUNK! THUNK!  
  
As pieces of lettuce fell in front of her eyes and she felt dressing dripping down  
her hair, she thought how strange it was that one of the plates would have managed to find  
its way right onto the top of her head. She brushed clear her field of view and noticed that  
the other plate had landed right on Asai's head. She saw Ami gasp, heard her mutter, "Oh,  
Mina-chan, I'm so sorry...", saw her friend retreat back to her own table, sure that Ami  
only left to get away from disaster-area-Minako.  
  
Then she started to cry.  
  
***  
  
The tears had yet to stop several minutes later, as the two fledgling whatever-they-  
were walked down the sidewalk in the general direction of Minako's house. Asai's jacket,  
with a couple of carrot slices and some patches of dressing stuck to it, was draped around  
Minako's shoulders so at least she wouldn't get cold. And though neither of them noticed it,  
an unusually large cardboard box was following them through the streets.  
  
'At least Minako won't get a cold or something,' Asai thought. "How could this  
evening have been such a disaster?" he muttered. No logical explanations came to his mind,  
and he wasn't really willing to consider illogical ones because they were nearly infinite  
in number.  
  
Minako was certainly quite willing to consider the illogical, namely some sort of  
grand cosmic conspiracy punishing her for something she must have unconsciously done and  
blocked out of her memory. Maybe she jaywalked at some point. She'd probably done it by  
accident, but one never really knows. She kept sobbing some more.  
  
Asai strolled along with his hands stuck in his pockets, completely at a loss as to  
how to stop the flow of tears. "Don't cry," he offered. "It's not your fault."  
  
"Yes it is," whispered Minako hoarsely. She continued between sobs, "It's all my   
fault. I did something wrong... the kami are punishing me. I know they are."  
  
How was he supposed to argue something like that? It wasn't like he could exactly  
disprove a cosmic conspiracy, even if it was an insane thing to suggest. "Come here,  
Minako-chan. It's okay."  
  
She looked over at him with bloodshot, tear-filled eyes and sniffed once. "No, it  
isn't. It'll never be okay again. You hate me, because it's my fault our date got ruined,  
and now I'm never going to have a boyfriend."  
  
Before he was entirely aware of what he was doing, Asai crossed the space between  
the two of them and wrapped Minako up in a tight embrace. "No, that's not true at all..."  
  
Minako looked back up at him, blinking tears away. "Why? Why isn't it?" she asked  
softly, slowly leaning her head up towards Asai's.  
  
Asai lowered his head slowly towards Minako's. Their lips were almost touching when  
he whispered, "Because, I-"  
  
WHUMP!  
  
With a sense of dread filling both of their stomachs, Minako and Asai turned in  
unison to see the source of the latest interruption of one of their romantic moments.  
  
Usagi, Rei, and Makoto sat less than fifteen feet away, tangled up amongst  
themselves and a cardboard box. Simultaneously all three offered a sheepish wave.  
  
The two about-a-second-away-from-being-lovebirds sighed. Would anything go right  
ever again?  
  
***  
  
Once the three girls had been shooed off, promising that neither they nor their  
cardboard box would disturb what remained of the date that evening, Asai and Minako  
resumed their walk towards Minako's house. Mostly this took place in silence, much to  
the dismay of both of them, but neither could think of any words to fit after the  
disaster at the restaurant and then being interrupted in the street as something was   
about to happen.  
  
As they walked, Asai kept his arm around the girl, though it was certainly an  
awkward thing to do when neither of them was saying anything. And Asai knew it wasn't  
one of those lovers-don't-need-words things.  
  
He knew that coincidence had been stretched pretty far that evening, but he had  
no clue what to chalk all of the coincidences up to until one final thing snapped the  
illusion. When they turned a corner and Minako mumbled that it was the street she lived  
on, Asai couldn't help but notice it was the street his grandmother lived on. A smirk  
crossed his face, but he said nothing out loud. 'I'll have to thank you later, Grandma,'  
he thought.  
  
Nonetheless, as rapidly as Asai was piecing together bits and pieces of what had  
been a great mystery to him, equally as rapidly was Minako convincing herself that the  
evening was a disaster and that it was all her fault. Beyond that, she was blocking  
what few good events of the evening that had transpired from her mind.  
  
Subconsciously, her feet carried her up her sidewalk and onto her porch. Only  
then did she notice her surroundings and blink out of her pessimistic haze.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I tried my best not to ruin anything, but it all  
got ruined anyway."  
  
The young man resisted the urge to sigh. "What's ruined? We did get the promise  
of a meal on the house next time we go there," he replied as he ran a hand through  
his hair. He was marginally sure that Minako was too busy moping at the point the  
maitre'd had come running out with apologies for all that had gone wrong, saying  
how it was all his fault. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Asai had  
accepted, hoping he'd be back some day.  
  
"Yeah, right, like we'll ever go back there. Or go anywhere together, ever  
again," Minako continued. She was crying again, sobbing every now and then. "It's  
all going wrong. It's never stopped going wrong..." Any other words were lost to  
the sobs.  
  
"Hey. It's not your fault." With that, Asai leaned in quickly, wanting to do  
what he had been about to do earlier before there could be any interruptions-  
  
Their faces could not have been more than an inch apart when they were both  
startled by a sudden, high-pitched meow of a cat. As one, they looked upward, only  
to have Artemis land right between their faces.  
  
As the white cat stared at Minako with an innocent look, her sadness and  
desperation was very quickly replaced with unbridled irritation. She launched him  
as far as she could, the scream of "ARTEMIS-BAKA!" following him through the air.  
  
Artemis soared through the Tokyo night sky, only partially curious when he'd  
actually end up landing. For a very brief moment he considered regretting his  
choice of when to try to sneak out to meet Luna, regretting the leaf on the roof  
that he'd slipped on that caused him to fall on Minako and Asai at the worst  
possible moment. He considered saying, "Oh, boy", like he always did, except then  
he realized that worrying got him nowhere, and beyond that, Minanko was finally  
about to have an end to her search.  
  
Besides, he noted, wherever he landed was bound to be closer to the Tsukino  
household than he started out!  
  
On the porch of the Aino household, Minako blushed furiously. She just  
realized what had been about to happen - then realized that she wanted it to  
happen - then realized that any second now there might be an interruption again,  
like her mom walking outside, or maybe the Outer Senshi driving by in Haruka's  
car, or-  
  
The same realization hit Asai, but since he had a less paranoid mind and  
far less potential reasons for things to get screwed up yet again, he moved in  
to kiss Minako in the middle of her thinking.  
  
Some time later - it might have been seconds, minutes, or hours, Minako  
wasn't entirely sure - they broke for air.  
  
Asai was about to say something romantic, but he was cut off by the  
loudest scream he'd ever heard a human make.  
  
Minako raised her head to the sky as she screamed, "Take that, kami! You  
tried to stop me, but you couldn't! And now, AINO MINAKO AND HER AMAZINGLY  
FABULOUS SEARCH FOR A BOYFRIEND HAS FINALLY ENDED!"  
  
The shout was heard all throughout Tokyo, and seemed to echo for minutes.  
  
It was heard especially by four young women who moonlighted as warriors  
for love and justice, two cats, everyone whose lives had been touched by the  
blonde as she went about her search, and in particular an old blind woman  
across the street.  
  
All throughout Tokyo, these people said as one, "It's about time."  
  
***  
  
As many characters as it made sense to reprise, did so. Actually, more might have  
been able to, but that would have flown in the face of the grand dream of the  
epilogue that will wrap up all of this insanity.  
  
Now, don't worry, this epilogue won't be like one of Kate's Galactic Sailors  
epilogues (incidentally, I think those two mammoths combined are about equal to  
the length of this story) - it's more like... well, you'll just have to wait and  
see.  
  
The only clue is this one word: "Duh." Stay tuned!  
  
-End 


	9. Epilogue - Duh? (and end notes)

========  
Aino Minako and Her Amazingly Fabulous Search For A Boyfriend  
A Minakofic  
Authors: Moogle (moogle@fanforce.net)  
Kate B (duncan@avenew.com)  
========  
  
Epilogue - Duh?  
  
***  
  
SOME TIME LATER  
  
It was an average day in the tranquil city of Tokyo. A Saturday morning much like  
every other Saturday morning. Except for one thing. On this particular Saturday morning, a  
certain blind old woman was visiting a relative in Kobe. This certain blind woman had her   
grandson at the house, also not an unusual thing. The young man was dogsitting like he   
always did. The difference between what would previously happen and that day, was that   
recently the young man had been set up with a certain young woman who lived across the   
street from the blind woman.  
  
And so, on that day, this couple of newly-made lovebirds sat jointly housesitting  
the house which had played such a big part in their lives in the previous months. Perhaps  
sat is not an accurate word - more like curled up on the couch watching the TV, with the  
aforementioned dogs sleeping on the floor near their feet.  
  
As she sat on the couch, cuddled in the arms of her Perfect Man (tm), Minako  
couldn't help but let loose a contented sigh. Somehow, just watching the noontime news  
news with the person she loved the most made all the torment, screw-ups, and near-death   
experiences - quite literally, in one case - worth it.  
  
The blonde scowled as she recalled being mistaken for a prostitute. Make that   
"almost worth it."  
  
"This has been another edition of the Noon News of Juuban!" The anchorwoman on the  
television smiled pleasantly, brushing her long brown hair from her green eyes. "Thank you  
for joining us. See you next time!"  
  
On the screen, the typically cheesy closing theme of a news station began playing  
as credits quickly scrolled up.   
  
The young woman looked up to her boyfriend with a smile on her face. "I had no idea  
watching the news could be that entertaining," she admitted.  
  
"Hey, what can I say? It's all in the company," replied Asai with mock arrogance.  
  
"Quiet, you," Minako said, smiling wider as she softly whapped Asai on the arm.  
  
"Don't hit too hard, the Coach might come after you."  
  
"Coach can do his worst, I can take it as well as I can dish it-"  
  
Without warning the TV volume suddenly increased for several seconds, interrupting  
the argument. They stopped and heard, "Next is TV's Blind Date. Stay tuned!"  
  
Asai and Minako groaned simultaneously, then turned to look at one another.  
  
"What was that for?" both asked at the same time.  
  
"You, first," Asai insisted.  
  
"No, you," Minako shot back.  
  
"Fine. Well, I was on that show once, is all. It sucked."  
  
"Really? I was on there once, too. And it sucked for me, too."  
  
A quiet spawned by curiosity descended over both of them. Neither was quite sure  
what to say about it. By silent agreement they decided to watch the episode, just in case  
either of them happened to be on that particular show.  
  
The theme show music kicked in, then as the logo appeared across the screen, the  
camera panned across the audience. For a brief second there was a shot of the three  
contestants.  
  
Asai sat on the right of the three of him. His screen-self was the only one that   
Minako noticed.  
  
"Huh. So it's the one that I'm on," he noted dryly.  
  
Minako giggled.  
  
The host, Zenjirou, went on with his spiel, the same as he did at the start of  
every show. The studio audience began screaming at random intervals throughout his asking  
questions and telling somewhat lame jokes. Then, as he began to introduce the male  
contestants, Minako looked at them closer. Her jaw dropped further as each one was named.  
  
"Oh, my..." she whispered.  
  
"What's that?" Asai asked.  
  
"Nothing," she said quickly, not wanting to spoil the surprise that was about ten  
seconds away.  
  
When those ten seconds had passed, on the TV, Zenjirou announced the female  
contestant... and Minako strolled out and took the bachelorette chair.  
  
Her boyfriend gaped at the TV and whispered, "Oh, my..."  
  
In the discomfiting quiet, Minako reached over and flicked off the TV with the  
remote.  
  
"You were Number Three..." she said in disbelief.  
  
"You were the Bachelorette..."  
  
Laughter filled the room. It was loud enough to wake up a certain white cat who also  
slept behind them on the couch.  
  
"Unnh," groaned Artemis as he stretched out. "Finally figured out all of your near  
misses, huh?"  
  
Minako nodded enthusiastically, but one of Asai's eyebrows started twitching. It  
hadn't taken him long to get used to the talking cat, surprisingly enough. "Wait a minute,  
what do you mean 'all' of our near misses?"  
  
The cat chuckled nervously. "Ehe... um, Mina-chan, why don't you run down all of the  
schemes of your 'amazingly fabulous search for a boyfriend' for Asai?"  
  
The young man regarded his girlfriend with a curious look. She shrugged, then  
started ticking off all of her schemes.  
  
"Well, let's see," the girl began, holding out a fisted hand to count. "There was  
the time that I started walking your grandmother's dogs..."  
  
Asai's eyes shot wide. "YOU were the girl with the dogs?"  
  
"Of course. Wait a minute, your grandmother told me about you?" She shrugged  
helplessly, then continued. "Anyway... there was also this one night that I was going  
through every club in Tokyo in reverse-alphabetical order. Except when I made it to..."  
  
"Aijin Odori," supplied Asai.  
  
Minako blinked. "How did you know?"  
  
This time, Asai was the one to shrug helplessly. "I went there once, because it was  
the first club alphabetically. Actually, I remember that right as I left, they were talking  
about how some chick who looked like a hooker just got bounced."  
  
The blonde's eye twitched. "Ehehehe... uh... well, y'see, that was me."  
  
Asai grinned wide, then looked Minako up and down. He was about to say something,  
but she pre-empted the comment.  
  
"Don't ask. Long story," she offered meekly. "Well, anyway... after that, there was  
TV's Blind Date." The girl chuckled a bit. "I think we saw how that turned out. And then,  
hmm... oh! Then there was the time I took out a newspaper ad. Y'know, like, personals. All  
that happened with that was some creepy old guy started stalking me and then he went to  
jail, and-"  
  
"The last four digits of your phone number are 8716," said her boyfriend suddenly.  
  
"Yes... why?"  
  
"Grandma was going to have me call someone for their personal ad, but the dogs  
shredded the paper up before I could do it. All I saw were the last four digits."  
  
"Figures." At this, Minako wagged her finger at the dogs. "You crazy bastards! You  
prolonged me finally getting together with Asai-kun!" Both laughed, then the girl continued  
again. "Right, well, after that was Datamatch... but they lost my results form."  
  
"Of all of the... they lost my results form, too!" He paused. "At times like this, I  
can see why you thought the kami were out to get you."  
  
"What matters is that we finally found one another," she said sweetly, then leaned  
up for a kiss.  
  
Asai obliged, backing up to look at her when they were done.  
  
She beat him to the punch in asking the eternal question that can strike terror into  
the hearts of any man. "What do you want to do today?" This question strikes terror into the  
hearts of man because there is no right answer. It implies that there is a choice present  
for the man, when there never, ever is a choice, and really all the question is, is seeing  
how long it takes him to divine the true desire of his significant other, who has given him  
absolutely no clues, verbal or otherwise.  
  
With a grimace, Asai replied, "Uhmm.... go to the park?"  
  
"We do that every other day."  
  
"Crown Fruit Parlor?"  
  
"Not in the mood."  
  
"The arcade?"  
  
"Oh, THERE'S a good spot to spend quality time with your lover!"  
  
"The movies?"  
  
The question-answer session, with Asai making all sorts of suggestions  
and his girlfriend deftly shooting each one down, continued to move along.  
In fact, the duo was so busy arguing that they didn't notice Artemis sitting up and  
laughing at their inability to decide upon anything.  
  
But suddenly the boyfriend and girlfriend stopped arguing and looked at one another.  
This look made Artemis extremely uncomfortable, because he'd seen it far too many times  
before. 'No,' he thought to himself, 'it can't be-'  
  
But it was. Minako leapt up into a dramatic pose, her hair beginning to fly around  
like there was wind in the room. Background music even kicked in from somewhere - 'How did  
the TV get on again?', the cat wondered. Asai mimicked the flair his girlfriend possessed,  
though it was quite obvious that he was not as used to striking poses as she.  
  
"For too long have we dated and gone to none but lackluster places!" Minako  
proclaimed.  
  
"But there must be one place in the world that is just perfect to go on a date!"  
added Asai.  
  
"And so begins the quest of - Aino Minako!"  
  
"Kayama Asai!"  
  
Perfectly in synch with one another, the two turned towards Artemis and pointed at  
him, then shouted, "and Their Amazingly SUPER Fabulous Search For The Perfect Date Spot!"  
  
Artemis - poor, tortured soul that he was - took a moment to reflect on his current  
situation. He'd thought Minako finally finding a boyfriend would have been the end of it  
all; belatedly, he realized it was only the beginning. And so, after months of behind-the-  
scenes work for which he would never receive any credit, after all of the suffering and all  
of the smitings, he finally realized that this was just his lot in life.  
  
Resigned to his fate at last, the cat heaved a huge sigh and uttered the same two  
words he uttered at the start of every mad scheme.  
  
"Oh, boy."  
  
***  
  
FIN.  
  
Well, here we are, at the end of our story. Roughly one year after the original conception  
of it, in fact. This idea started when Moogle said to Kate, "We should write a fic where  
Minako goes crazy trying to find a boyfriend!" At that point we had no idea of anything  
beyond that. Then with the first chapter, Asai practically wrote himself in, and thus was  
the fic of near-misses born as it is now recognized.  
  
And then, there was that whole thing about Moogle completely taking over and being the fic  
police, but we will just ignore that and continue. :P  
  
There were gobs of obscure and not-so-obscure references and homages scattered throughout   
the story that weren't mentioned in any end-of-chapter notes. If you spotted some or all of  
them, more power to you. If you didn't... well, you're probably not as much of a geek as you  
might think.  
  
As a result of this epilogue, there may be some clamoring for a sequel. While such  
clamoring would be flattering, please save your breath. This story has been told; the  
epilogue merely is meant to show that there is no end to the insanity, and to solidify that  
Artemis is doomed to suffer through no fault of his own. Poor guy. Beyond that, we've  
inflicted such awful misadventures upon Minako and Asai already - we can leave the rest to   
your imaginations.  
  
What's that? You want to know what's up with the old woman? That, friends, is one mystery  
deliberately left unsolved. Moogle prefers to think of her as Destiny personified. Which   
was his original plan for that character, but that was lost in a creative  
compromise. Well, we're sure you can come up with something. :)  
  
We'll probably be working on our own stuff now. Kate's hard at work revising her Galactic   
Sailors stuff before she gets into writing a third season of it, and Moogle... well, God   
only knows what he'll be writing next, but one way or another it'll show up on either   
fanfiction.net or moonromance.com, so stay frosty!  
  
MOOGLE's Thank-yous:  
Thanks to...  
  
Everyone who has left a review or a critique on either FFN or ASMR, or e-mailed one or both  
of us, especially those who have left multiple reviews on FFN - at the time of writing   
this, that's Fire's Dew, Sword Master Supremia, natsumi, and Mikazuki. Reviews mean   
especially more to me considering Kate already has mobs of fans for her work. Mobs, I tell   
you. Mobs.  
  
My online friends (you know who you are, and I suspect you'd rather remain nameless anyway,)  
who have read parts of this fic along the way and encouraged me, and just generally been  
cool people, helping me get inspiration flowing when otherwise it probably wouldn't have.  
  
Andrea and George, the unsung heroes of ASMR, the best fic archive out there.  
  
Kate, for being a good sport with this whole co-authoring thing, and lots of other stuff  
besides.  
  
Everyone who likes this story enough to still be reading our thank-you notes. :)  
  
KATE's Thank-yous:  
Thanks to...  
  
My "mobs and mobs" of fans, who love me so much that I only ever hear from two of them.   
(Take THAT, Mark-kun. :P)  
  
Christina and Ginnie, who have listened to me rattle on about this fic several different   
times as I tried to come up with ideas for it. After all, they didn't care about it in the   
least, but they listened anyway.  
  
Yumeko, the beta-sama who mused with me over why Shoga had a copy of Playboy on her kitchen  
counter.   
  
Andrea and George, even though THEY IGNORE MY TECH SUPPORT E-MAILS!!!  
  
And to the Minako-fic bossman, Mark-kun, for putting up with me through this co-write,   
others, and life itself.  
  
(End of thank-you section.)  
  
And that, as they say, is that. You know where to find us. Take care!  
  
Signing off,  
  
Mark "Moogle" Brown  
moogle@fanforce.net  
"The Force will be with you... always."  
  
Kate "SuperKate" Butler  
duncan@avenew.com  
"I am much, much, much, much, MUCH l33ter than Mark is."  
  
8 August 2002 


End file.
